Reviewer:SKID_11 @ www.monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com

Fanfic Link:1, 2& 3

‘Story Title [did it catch my attention?]: 4/5

Creative title regarding the fact that the story/three-shot is based around a song! This, however, can be a bit hard to do, considering the fact that the story would have to match well with your story, but for you I don’t really think it was much of a problem. :)

There is just one reason that I docked a mark in this section of the rubric, and it’s the fact that the title didn’t really pop out to me as much as I would’ve liked it to. I don’t really think that I would’ve clicked on it if it hadn’t been for the fact that I had to review this story. As a writer, you need to make sure that the title really pops out to readers, because that is the first thing they read of your story.

Apart from that, this was a good title!

‘Appearance [what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?]: -/10

Since there isn’t a banner or anything of that sort, I won’t mark this section of the rubric and it won’t count in the (overall) total.

‘Forewords [did your forewords make me wanting to read more?]: -/10

There were no forewords, so I won’t mark this section of the rubric and it won’t count in the (overall) total.

‘Plot [was the plot cliché or was it interesting?]: 11/15

Well, it was a bit cliché regarding the fact that the story was basically Key getting cheated on by Jonghyun and then getting revenge (i.e. killing Sekyung, Jonghyun’s girlfriend he cheated on him with, and attempting to kill Jonghyun) yet still loving Jonghyun; that sort of thing always happens in stories and movies.

However, you made it different regarding the fact that there was a sort of voice in Key’s head telling him to kill Sekyung and then Jonghyun, along with various other aspects such as the fact that Key is alive yet has amnesia in the end of the story/three-shot. These aspects really showed that you tried to make the plot less cliché, that you really tried to make the plot your own, so kudos to you for that.

I loved how creepily wonderful it was, and didn’t at all feel that it was boring throughout the story. It was eye-catching, and gave me the chills as I read on.

Great job regarding the plot, I have to say, though I think I would’ve liked it better if you didn’t make the epilogue. I like creepy stories like this one, but always find that it gets ruined if the ending turns out to be a happy ending, and I felt that your story ended off at a light note because Key lived and didn’t die like I – and various others, I’m sure – thought he would.

‘Characterization [was I able to learn about the characters?]: 8/10

The characterization was great; I loved how it was easy to relate to both Jonghyun and Key. Jonghyun because of the fact that he still loved Key yet still loved Sekyung, how torn he was regarding this, and how creeped out he felt about the fact  that Key was stalking him and had killed his girlfriend. Key because of the fact that he had such a huge burden on his chest; the fact that he loved Jonghyun yet he had broken up with him and the fact that he hated Sekyung – along with the fact that he had killed someone.

Though one could argue that his character was a bit hard to really sympathize with because Key was, obviously, insane – one could argue back that one can sympathize with him regarding the information that Key had been betrayed by Jonghyun and loved someone who he believed didn’t love him back anymore.

During Sekyung’s point of view, I found that it was easy to relate and sympathize with her since she had such doubts about her relationship with Jonghyun and how she felt that he was so much better than her in each and every aspect, which everyone at least once feels in a relationship of theirs, I believe. It made me sad to see her die, I think, even though I don’t really like the whole Jonghyun/Sekyung relationship in the first place (both the fictional one in your story and the real one).

Jinki was the only reason you got two marks off in this part of the rubric, because I didn’t really relate to him or understand him. I kind of understood the fact that he wanted to make Jonghyun feel happier, but he didn’t really click to me, in my belief. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t understanding when it came to the fact that Sekyung was killed and didn’t give Jonghyun the support a friend should give. Along with the fact that he didn’t get scared for his friend when it came to the fact that Key had killed Sekyung and the craziness Jonghyun had found himself in since he still loved Key.

Still, I felt that your characters were real; they had all the aspects regular living human beings had, and emotions/feelings as well. Wonderful job in this section of the rubric, I have to say. :)

‘Creativity/Originality [was it creative?]: 8/10

Was it creative? Most definitely it was! I loved how different you made your story/three-shot from all the others out there, so it’s rather obvious why you got such a good mark in this section of the rubric!

The only reason you got two marks off was only because the overall, general plot of the story was cliché – you know, the whole Key-getting-revenge-because-Jonghyun-cheated-on-him ordeal.

Apart from that, however, this was a really creative story/three-shot, and I enjoyed reading it immensely.

‘Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary [was I able to understand what you were trying to say?]: 7/10

The spelling was bang on, I have to say; if there were any spelling errors, then I most certainly wasn’t able to pick up on them at all. Just a few comma issues at times (which is why you got one out of three marks off), but apart from that, the grammar was just as bang on as the spelling. ^^

The vocabulary could have used a bit of polishing, I have to say, though – and this was the reason why you got two out of three marks off. It would’ve been better if you had been more descriptive when it came to describing the sight of Sekyung’s body, or how much horror and dread Jonghyun felt; these few, important parts of the story was what you should’ve described in great detail. However, if you looked past that, your vocabulary was good.

‘Flow [was it too fast or too slow to my liking?]: 9/10

If I had to choose just one thing that I liked the most in this story, it would have to be the flow. The flow was the best part if your story, because you incorporated many flashbacks and time-breaks, along with point of view changes.

I liked how you showed the Jongkey break up first, then went half a year into the future to show how Jonghyun was doing with Sekyung and with no Key in his life. Though it could be argued that you had brought in Key back in the story too quickly, this story was only three parts (a three-shot, in other words).

You only got one mark off because I think that you should’ve shown a bit more Jongkey flashbacks, so the readers could understand just how much Jonghyun and Key had liked each other, and perhaps even told the readers why Jonghyun cheated on Key with Sekyung in more detail.

Still, great job on the flow. I loved it. :D

‘Writing Style [did your writing style make it easy for me to read?]: 13/15

I really liked your writing style because of the fact that it was easy to comprehend/understand, and though there wasn’t different vocabulary all the time it still made sense and worked. It was easy to read, though you got two marks off because of the fact that the text was in blue; it almost made it hard for me to read, and I had to yank my laptop screen down a bit to read it better.

However, apart from that, the writing style was great. You really showed real emotions/feelings in work, and for that I have to salute you as a fellow writer myself.

‘Total: 60/80

‘Bonus: 5/5

Full marks here for the great characters, chilling storyline, and bang on job on the spelling and grammar!

Overall Total: 65/80