FF Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/13825

Review by:  Sherioka @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

`Story Title [did it catch my attention?]: You could have used more advance words to replace the easier ones if they have the same meaning. And your topic is in need of creativity. Maybe you can use one of the eye-catching descriptions from the story as the title. As for the chapter titles, you named them well.  3/5

`Appearance [what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : The phrases on the top of the poster were hard to read and the poster was dull and not really catchy. I had no idea that the story was about a school, unless you count that Jonghyun looks like he’s wearing a uniform. 5/10

`Forewords [did your forewords make me wanting to read more?]:You did make me want to read more, at first. But the second phrase ‘Meanwhile, a best friend is trying to win Minah’s heart. Will it work out, or will a best friend turn into an enemy?’ I had no idea what you were trying to say, I know your trying to make some trouble and relationship problems to make the story better, but that doesn’t really make sense. Other than that part, the rest of the forewords and teaser was enjoyable. 7/10

`Plot [was the plot cliché or was it interesting?]: Um, well…I didn’t really like the plot. It’s like a love-hate relationship that happens a lot. It’s like a little fantasy some fan girl would day dream about. And most fan girls all day dream about the same kind. 7/15

`Characterization [was I able to learn about the characters?]: Well, you describe a person’s personality and looks every time a new character shows up, that’s pretty thoughtful and makes us get to know the character more. But you didn’t need to explain a lot, unless the character is somehow an important character or will be important character. I think you did pretty well on describing the characters, keep it up! 9/10

`Creativity/Originality [was it creative?]:You can twist the story or add more creative scenes into it, so that it won’t be the typical same old routine like most writer writes about. 6/10

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary [was I able to understand what you were trying to say?]:No big problems, just little typos here and there. Reread and recheck after writing a chapter or paragraph is really important. Little tip, in some schools in America, If you write a sentence more than three comas, the sentence is declared a bad sentence. Think about that. 8/10

`Flow [was it too fast or too slow to my liking?]: It’s on a steady past, you did really well on this part too. Try not to say too much, describe too much. Each chapter reveals bit by bit of Jonghyun’s crush on Minah and some scandals between the friends. 9/10

`Writing Style [did your writing style make it easy for me to read?]: It was alright, some parts where I didn’t understand, but I get the meaning somehow. I didn’t like you using the POV, it’s either you used it as Minah’s POV all time through, or third person’s view. You should stick to one, so it’ll be easier to write, I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but your third person’s POV sounds like first person’s POV. 11/15

`Overall Enjoyment [did I enjoy this story?]: Not bad, the characters were cute. 4/5

`Total : 69/100
`Bonus :5/5

Overall Total: 74/100