Reviewer: SKID_11 @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/33798/

‘Story Title [did it catch my attention?]: 4/5

Boy did it ever catch my attention! :)

The minute I saw it, I began to wonder what the story could be about; the plot, the characters, etc. So I have to say good job on that! You definitely caught my attention with this title of yours; wonderful job on the title, I have to say!

The only thing is that the title and the story? They do not go together well. It’s a sad, depressing story, and then you have a title that seems more cheery and upbeat like “Flower Boy.”

‘Appearance [what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?]: 4/10

Graphic-wise? Nope. I’m afraid it didn’t really get much attention from me. You see, the graphic just seemed...random. I didn’t understand at all what was going on in the story according to your banner.

The black and white colour scheme made it seem like a angst story, while the random swirls made it seem girly and romantic. Plus, part of the title – the “F” in “Flower Boy” – overlapped Taemin’s right eye.

So, no. The graphic did not grasp my attention too well, and if I had to make a decision of wanting to read your story only by looking at your banner, I would not have wanted to read your story, I’m afraid.

I advise getting a different graphic designer to make you a banner for your story.

‘Forewords [did your forewords make me wanting to read more?]: 7/10

The description? Lovely! It doesn’t give away much, and definitely makes you wonder what the story could be about! So I absolutely fell in love with this description, which was mysterious and definitely made one wonder about the contents of the story and why the description seems so angsty.

And then there was the foreword, that ruined it. You didn’t use the foreword to make your readers even more curious and drawn – not at all. The foreword isn’t so you just write a little blurb about subscribers and trailers; it’s a place for a little bit of an insight of what your story is; a prologue, if you will.

You didn’t use the foreword to the best of your abilities, which is why I docked three marks.

‘Plot [was the plot cliché or was it interesting?]: 13/15

It’s a bit of a cliché; one not used all the time, but still used every now-and-then.

Someone is a cold person because of the fact that something bad happened in their past; someone else is an innocent person who simply wishes to be the other person’s friend/love/etc. The first person’s iciness soon vanishes as they fall in love, yada yada yada.

But you certainly did your best to make this cliché your own, which is why I’ve only docked two marks from you. The plot is definitely different from other plot that have used the same cliché you are using.

Plus, your spelling/grammar/vocabulary and writing style definitely made up for it, too! :)

‘Characterization [was I able to learn about the characters?]: 6/10

You didn’t give much depth when it came to characters so far in your story – apart from Minho, of course. Since you could only really delve into his mind, I couldn’t grasp other character’s emotions. But even Minho’s personality had loop holes.

His personality was a rather clichéd one. Cold, mean, quiet, and a whirlwind of emotions inside. This type of personality is always seen in stories with that use the cliché you have chosen to base your plot around. But then he is seen randomly smiling, acting rather mushy, and yelling at the top of his lungs for absolutely no reason.

As you can see, his personality is one always changing, while it’s obvious that it shouldn’t. He should be a composed, reserved person who can handle his emotions – you should, at the beginning, make him a bit confused and unnerved by the fact Taemin is always around him and making him feel weird.

You shouldn’t have his personality changing a bit in the first two-three chapters. Go slower, show the change settle in, and continue with the angst and romance.

However, apart from this, there was nothing else really wrong with the characterization, so good job on Minho’s personality! I loved reading this story from his point of view and really having a feel of what he’s thinking! :)

‘Creativity/Originality [was it creative?]: 9/10

Apart from the cliché I have been going on about a bit in the beginning few sections, you certainly made this story yours! I was very surprised when I came to the fifth chapter, I believe.

The one with Taemin’s diary, explaining the fact that Taemin knows Minho from even before they had met. That was a good surprise and twist that I hadn’t been expecting, so good job on that!

And then the “light” and the “other”! My gosh! It really makes you wonder what’s going to happen next and what this story is actually about. Minho and his past, or something even bigger and even more complicated than that.

‘Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary [was I able to understand what you were trying to say?]: 9/10

Your vocabulary is wonderful, and I don’t have much to say about it.

Your spelling and grammar is good as well, but every now and then I would spy a spelling error or a grammar mistake, but not so many that the errors would immediately take my mind off of what I was reading.

However, the errors in your spelling and grammar weren’t significant, and didn’t at all take away from your story, so all is well. :)

Just remember to edit and revise, and spell-check to make sure that you don’t have any little spelling errors that could have been easily avoidable. Oh, and do remember that there’s no need to capitalize full sentences. Using italics is enough emphasis, in my opinion.

‘Flow [was it too fast or too slow to my liking?]: 7/10

The flow was a tad bit too fast, in my opinion.

Minho’s “iciness” is easily melting away, even though we’ve only begun reading. He is randomly yelling and shouting and angsting crazily in the beginning, even though he has been “icy” and calm and composed for most of his life.

Then revealing that the story may not be much about Minho and his past, but something else – this part came too soon for me.

I think that you should flesh this out a bit; the first ten chapters, work on changing Minho’s personality gradually – and continue doing this even though the ten chapters are done. Then, between/in/at the end of/in the beginning of chapters, work on showing that this story may not be just about Minho and Taemin and their past.

If you do this, I’m sure that your story will seem more fleshed out, more suspenseful and just more awesome in general!

‘Writing Style [did your writing style make it easy for me to read?]: 14/15

Yup, yup. The writing style was wonderful. Your writing flowed and your descriptions on what Minho was feeling at times were really accurate, and I feel that that would be exactly what something someone would feel if someone was in Minho’s place, so good job.

Three marks were taken off because of spelling and grammar mistakes, which irked me a bit sometimes. But they probably aren’t noticeable to too many people, I’m sure.

‘Overall Enjoyment [did I enjoy this story?]: 4/5

You bet I did! The way you bring in a cliché without making me want to gag, how you keep people in suspense and wondering what is going on, the impeccable words and spelling and grammar...wonderful.

You get one mark off because I don’t really like 2min – or, actually, I don’t like SHINee , really. I guess I’m okay with Ontae – perhaps even Jongkey, but that’s just about it, I’m afraid.

‘Total: 77/100

‘Bonus: 5/5

Full marks in the bonus because of your spelling/grammar/vocabulary, wonderful descriptions concerning emotions, different-than-most plot, and surprising twists-and-turns! ;D

Overall Total: 82/100

Wonderfuljob, hun – you most certainly deserve this good of a mark! :D

I hope that you remember to take my advice to heart. Hopefully, if you do so, then it shouldn’t be long until your story is getting featured on this site!