Reviewer: SKID_11 @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/44895/

‘Story Title [did it catch my attention?]: 2/5

It's original, I'll give you that. But there are three things wrong with this title.

Firstly, there is no need for the ellipses - meaning, the "…" Why is it needed, anyway? You don't need it, so it's best if you take it out rather than using it, for it sounds and looks weird to have an ellipses in a sentence that can flow well without the ellipses, especially in a title for something!

Second, you only capitalized the "Are," nothing else. Why? This is a title of something; therefore, it needs to be capitalized fully. And so, instead of the title being "Are we... even friends?" it needs to be "Are We Even Friends?"

Lastly, the title may be original, but it is very bland. There's nothing exciting about the title; nothing that really jumps out at me and makes me want to read your story. I would very well pass your story by if I ever saw only the title of your story, and so you need a more exciting, more addictive title that people would constantly remember. A title so interesting, that people simply would have to click on your story.

Apart from these three things, I suppose your title is fine. :) Fine, but you should still change it, in my opinion.

‘Appearance [what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?]: 6/10

There is really no poster here, so I won't talk about the poster, and instead talk about my first impression of this story.

I was really interested when I first read the description and foreword; this seemed like something that hadn't been tried often, so I was really interested in reading more. But there were things holding me back from wishing to read more; things that I thought could've made the description and the foreword better than it was.

These things I'll explain to you more in detail in the next section.

‘Forewords [did your forewords make me wanting to read more?]: 6/10

So, first off, there shouldn't be any author's note in the description. You can use the end part of the foreword for that, or even post your author's note before starting the foreword, like I always do with my stories if I have to say anything.

Second, for the description and foreword, please don't add any unnecessary spaces. I don't know if it's done on purpose, and I don't know if it's done unpurposely, but it's a bit annoying, and I think that it takes away from the intensity of your story. Do make sure to edit any unnecessary spacing. :)

Another thing is the application you have open here. I do know that it's necessary for you to get someone for Jonghyun's

part of the story, but I really don't think that you should give out the fact that "she" who wrote "LIAR" on the back of SHINee's van is Jonghyun ex-lover/stalker, since this seriously takes away from the story. The readersobviously find out who "she" is, and this basically takes away from the story in general. I advise you to take that part out quickly, and either choose someone from your list of applicants, or simply make up your own character to fit the part.

And...I think that's it for the things I think you should change, which is rather good. :) The content looks good so far, and the mystery part of the story is still there, so I hope that you continue to write this story! I'd really like to see this story lengthen and deepen further!

‘Plot [was the plot cliché or was it interesting?]: 13/15

I gave you two marks off because of the fact that horror movies usually do make their plots like this. Ex-girlfriend-back-from-the-dead, that sort of thing. However, I haven't read a story with a plot like yours on AFF, or in any book, which is why your mark here is still very high.

Plus, I have a feeling that things aren't quite as they seem, so I hope that I didn't make a mistake giving you such a high mark.

‘Characterization [was I able to learn about the characters?]: 7/10

I was most definitely able to learn about the characters! :) They were rather complex in their own ways, yet rather easy to understand - the perfect characters, I suppose.

However, there were one thing that I think you could've changed: the fact that SHINee were pretty much the same from every other story I've read. Meaning, Onew being the clumsy leader; Jonghyun being the erted, funny one; Key being the naggy diva; Minho being the rather normal, sporty one; Taemin being the innocent maknae.

You might have made Jonghyun different from other Jonghyuns I've read in this story by making him serious and smart at times, and even mysterious due to his part with his ex-lover/stalker, and you might have made Taemin start to break out of his "innocent" shell, the others are pretty much the same. I think you should change them all up a bit; a little at first, but make their different personalities more prominent later on, like you seem to be starting to do with Taemin.

Anyway, apart from this, I really loved your characters. Good job on them! :)

‘Creativity/Originality [was it creative?]: 9/10

Most definitely! :) I think that this story truly has potential, and over time, you'll have many more readers than you have now.

However, I gave you one mark off because of the whole characterization thing I told you about before. Apart from that, your story is very creative and original, and I think that people would really get a kick out of reading your story.

‘Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary [was I able to understand what you were trying to say?]: 8/10

Your spelling, and even your grammar was good. I found little-to-no mistakes for both of them, which is rather surprising for me, since people usually get low marks from me in this section of the rubric, so I have to say you did a really good job proof-reading!

I think that you should work a bit more on your vocabulary. Find more interesting words to really grip your readers and reel them in. Describe settings, expressions, and characters to the best of your abilities. :)

‘Flow [was it too fast or too slow to my liking?]: 7/10

I have to say that the flow wasn't fast, which is a good thing. I think you really tried to get in as much information as you could, even using flashbacks to get your point across. However, at times, I found it a bit fast.

For example, with Minho and HanByul, you had one chapter in which you wrote Minho's thoughts on how he met HanByul, and then HanByul's thoughts on how she met Minho. Although, for Taemin and HaeBin, you separated it in the end to show Taemin's thoughts, which I thought may have been a bit too fast. I would've liked to have a bit more insight from Taemin's part of the story.

Also, there was the fact that there were unnecessary spaces and you used pictures to show the expressions or the visage of a certain character, which I didn't really like. These two things disrupted the flow of the story, in my opinion, and I think that you should've given links to the characters in an author's note, either before or after the chapter.

These were the only problems here, and apart from this, I had no other problems with the flow of your story. Good job!

‘Writing Style [did your writing style make it easy for me to read?]: 13/15

The writing style for this story was superb. I really enjoyed reading your story. You got only two marks off because of the vocabulary issue I explained to you in the spelling/grammar/vocabulary section of the rubric. Except for this, I really loved the writing style. :D

‘Total: 71/100

‘Bonus: 4/5

Four out of five stars for the enjoyment I had while I read this story. ;D

Overall Total: 75/100