Reviewer: Sapphira @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/24637/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 2/5

When I first read the title of your story, it made me think… like “What happened to the father?“ Although I think the title needs more creativity.  Make it more mysterious and catchy. But It matches the story.  =]

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 7/10

Well let’s say it did catch my attention and I expected something new… something mysterious. It’s like I felt enjoyment. I think I expected too much…

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 4/10

When I started reading the forewords I was disappointed. Firstly because from my first impression, it was far from my expectation.  Second, I think the forewords reveal too much of the plot or the story. And lastly, I have this prediction that the story would be common.

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 5/15

I didn’t find the story interesting since it’s really not new to me anymore. I’ve read a lot of stories like this. This plot is actually one of the common plots.

Maybe it’s better if you added another plot? And not just stick to one plot to make it more interesting and add something new.

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 8/10

The story’s POV is organized so I have no problems with the characters. I was able to follow and learn about each of them. :) Although on some parts, I was confused but overall it was fine.

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] :  5/10

Work on more on creativity and originality. Be more creative on making each scene. Make it exciting and interesting at the same time. Add more twists and don’t just stick to one. I know you can do better. J

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 6/10

Well you only had common errors. Remember that when you will place a punctuation mark after a word, don’t put a space between them. And please don’t forget to put “ ‘ “ if you’re trying to abbreviate some words.

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 7/10      

Some of the scenes were fast. Like there’s this particular scene where I got confused. It’s when Haewon  got then suddenly after that scene it was already 3 years later… and I was like “O.o” I mean the time lapse is too much...

The others are ok. So try balancing the story. J

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 10/15

The writing style was fine. It was quite organized and detailed.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] :2/5

Well I skip on most of the scenes because I was quite bored with the flow of the story.  I didn’t really enjoy nor didn’t like it. It was more of an average.

`Total : 56/100

`Bonus :  3/5

Overall Total: 59/100

Hope this review helps. J