FF Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/41222/

Review by:  Sherioka @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : It caught my attention, it was a great title. It was simple and the words gave a special meaning, you’ll only understand the meaning after you read the story. It’s a great way to catch readers. 4/5

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : Not going to count since you don’t have a poster. -/10

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : You said too much, you didn’t really need to say so much. It doesn’t really make me want to read more, since it’s just words without anything special making me wanting to read more. You can try putting a few mysteries in it, asking questions that motivate the reader to keep on reading. 6/10

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : It was indeed interesting, not many people have written this plot before. It was a good plot and well thought. 14/15

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : You described only the main character’s feelings well, but I didn’t learn about the other characters much. You should describe it more, but not the hair style is blah…big eyes and cute face. You understand right? 6/10

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] :It was creative, but you can still add more dramatic scenes and make the story more passionate and full of emotion. You didn’t really describe the feelings and thoughts of the victim (Jung Min) well. 8/10

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : Needs improvement, and I mean a lot. You need to work on your grammar more. It’s really important. If the reader finds a lot of mistakes and weird sentences, it can make them frustrated. Reread and recheck is really important! You HAVE to read through your sentences every time you finish typing a paragraph or chapter. Some mistakes can be avoided.

Example: 1. She hold her son's hand as well. àShe held her son’s hand as well.    2. Do you think I will let them to kill my own mother?! àDo you think I will let them kill my own mother?! 3. Somebody shoot her. àSomebody had shot her. 4. It was a shot frin the man's gun. àIt was a shot from the man’s gun. 5. He will be killed...juts like his mother. àHe will be killed…just like his mother. 4/10

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : It’s on a steady pace, you did well on this part. Keep it up and work on the other parts. Oh, and a little notice about your flow, you can slow down a bit. On chapter seven, the chapters are moving on a fast pace, like you wanted to explain everything and anything. 8/10

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : You state the talking parts clearly and It was easy to read. The whole story is like an action movie, it’s really hard to imagine the scene sometimes and you kind of state it too clearly. You describe a movement really exquisite. Every second, what the person do or does…It’s too much, you don’t really need to make it that clear. 11/15

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : I like tragic stories, and this was tragic enough. I enjoyed it. Try to avoid the typos okay? 5/5

`Total : 68/90(Not counting the Appearance)

`Bonus : 5/5

Overall Total: 73/90(Not counting the Appearance)

Reviewer’s Notes: Sorry for telling you to describe less describe a lot and stuff like that. Keep it up! J