Reviewer: Shreioka @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/36824/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : For a title, it’s extremely long and it’s a bad thing. I know you want to state it clearly, saying “my thesis is this.” But you can find more appealing words that have the same idea to replace the long and dull one. You can try writing a few chapters before naming the story; use some eye-catching words as the title. You might think it’s impossible to find some eye-catching words just in the first few chapters, since you haven’t even gotten to the main point yet. But after actually writing a few chapters, you’ll know which way your story is going to progress, and the plot will be clearer and it’ll be easier to name a title. You could have called it “Letting Go of Nothing” or just “Letting Go” or even “Never Mine.” 2/5

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : The poster was just pictures stuck together and adding words onto it. Nothing special about this poster, nothing memorable at all, a reader’s mood will change with the poster. If the poster looks cool and dashing, they’ll surely keep on reading, if it looks too plain, the reader might think the story is plain, too. I’ve learnt that from writing and reading many stories. BUT not all readers are like that, just some readers that are a bit sensitive. The appearance (the poster) is like a person’s looks, the story content is the inner self (a person’s personality.) Most people judge a person by their looks, while some judge them by their personality. I know that the story is more important than the poster, but let’s go with what most people would think. The better the poster the better the story, just like how most people care more about looks then the inner self. 4/10

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] :You’ve written it well. You’ll have to read carefully to understand the meaning, and when you do, you’ll find what you have written mysterious, and you’ll want to find out more. You didn’t spoil the story too much and you got to the point of the story well. Good job! Just one thing you need to keep in mind, readers don’t know how the story will progress, so you shouldn’t make it that mysterious; just a little tip from me. 9/10

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] :It was a surprising plot! I liked it, but you could have added more emotions and feelings. Other than that, I liked the plot. Nothing much to say but remember, remember and remember: You have to get to the main point of the story! You get off track sometimes. 11/15

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] :You write the story as if everyone knows everything about the group KARA and SHInee. Which is a wrong statement, like me for example, I’m not a fan of them. So when I started reading, I don’t know a thing about the characters. You just kept writing the story as if the little character is something everyone would know about. And you did a poor job on describing the characters, add more feelings okay? 5/10

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : Like I said, you could have added more interesting or emotions to it, making it more creative. If the plot isn’t creative, then throughout the development of the story, you need to add more creative parts. That’s what most writers face, creative plot and uncreative development. 7/10

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : Grammar mistakes here and there, reread and recheck what you have written every time you finish writing a chapter, a paragraph or a sentence. Just stating a mistake that I think was unbelievable: 

Relax, I just catched a cold. à  Relax, I just caught a cold.

#Note: There isn’t a word called ‘catched.’ And here are some other problems you have; your story isn’t fluent enough. Example:

I watched carefully when the music started and all of them were throwing their cloth away in an elegant movement. àI watched carefully when the music started and all of them were throwing their cloth away elegantly.

#Note: Nothing’s wrong with the grammar, it’s just that the sentence is long and the fluency is horrible. Okay, another grammar mistake I can’t stand:

the girls long bangs were covering her face àthe girl’s long bangs were covering their face

#Note: Reread and recheck!! 5/10

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : You did well here, the flow’s on a steady pace and you unfold the story bit by bit. I also like that, when you mention SHInee in the end of chapter one, the next whole chapter shifts to SHInee. 10/10

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] :A problem I’ve mentioned before, your fluency. Try not to make a sentence too long. Tell you something, in America’s Universities. If you use more than three comas in a sentence, the sentence is acknowledged as a bad sentence. 11/15

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : Pretty enjoyable to read. I liked the conversations between SHINee. I just hate grammar mistakes, it makes my head ache. 4/5

`Total : 68/100

`Bonus : 4/5

Overall Total: 72/100

Reviewer’s Note: First time writing so much in a review! Hope it helps, I put a lot of effort in it. ^^ Keep on writing and keep on improving!