Flirtatious

Reviewer: Sherioka @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/33348/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] :It was creative, bravo! I liked how you made up a new word. It matches your plot well; you did a good job on naming it. It’s short and simple, nice and creative.5/5

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] :I couldn’t see the poster since it was blocked, but I did see the big picture in each chapter. I’m not sure if they’re your poster or not. But, it matches with the theme of the chapter, although some pictures were quite blurry, so watch out for that. It would have been better if there was an actual poster. 7/10

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : Everything was fine at first, the same, nothing special. But when I read to the part “What about Se Kyung?” It got me thinking…who’s this person? You did a good job on catching a reader’s interest there. By the way, you need to watch out for your grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes in the forewords. It involves on catching the reader’s interest, and sometimes just because of little mistakes in the forewords, they won’t want to read the story. There are people like that; I’ve met some of them. 7/10

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : It was okay, it’s like a triangular love. Many people write about that. So the plot wasn’t as interesting as it should be, you should describe more about problems and relationships between who and who. Do you get what I mean? 9/15

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : I liked that Key wasvery compassionate, not like some stories where the third person was sad, and their emotions file out and blah blah blah. So you did a good job for that. And you describe Onew’s character carefully, too. You made him another important character, making the story more complicated, and more interesting to read. As for Se Kyung and Jonghyun, you described them well, too. You did a very good job on describing the characters. 10/10

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] :Like I said, many people write about this kind of story. Three angle love or triangular love, so in the contrary, you’ll need to make it memorable and different from the others.5/10

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : Mistakes in the forewords, that’s not a good sign.

Example:  1. infinately>infinitely 2."I have I ever told you how perfect you are?" > “Have I ever told you how perfect you are?” 3.He gave be a quick peck before winking and walking off. > He gave me a quick peck before winking and walking off.

Note: You should reread, recheck every time you finish writing a chapter, a paragraph or even a sentence. It’s important. Tell you a thing, in America; if you don’t use any commas at all, it’s called a ‘bad sentence.’ But if you use more than three comas, it’ll be a called as a bad sentence, too. The word ‘without’ is spelled together. You made a mistake for separating them. 4/10

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : It’s on a steady pace, but…you should progress things faster. It gets boring from time to time, add more surprising things. I would like to say, the best part of your story was the last sentence of each chapter, it was well thought and cute. You should reveal more in the next chapter about the last sentence, or just start another new theme in the next chapter, like you already did. Anyhow, the flow’s steady and just parts that were boring and you’ll need to speed up a bit if you aren’t going to make it more interesting. 7/10

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] :I didn’t understand this part at all, I know Key was jealous and angry that it was hard to hate Jonghyun’s girlfriend, but I didn’t think this sentence was needed since…It was hard to understand and the reader already knows Key’s feelings and emotions. So this sentence could have been deleted.

*It’s in chapter one* Here:so much with every fiber of my body be so fun to be around?Another one: Seriously, this guy could induce an with out so much as looking at you.

Oh and, you should state who’s talking clearer, I didn’t know who was talking at the moment at all. The conversations are mixed up with what Key or whoever was talking’s thoughts and feelings. You didn’t need to describe this much. It’s not needed. I know you want to tell the reader everything, but sometimes you should delete the sentences that have no meaning, or not that important. It’ll help the fluency of the story. The fluency is quite important. 8/15

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : I like JongKey!! Haha, the story was cute and I liked how Key’s mind worked. It was fascinating to read. 5/5

`Total : 67/100

`Bonus : Work on your sentences more! Like comas and stating who’s talking, but heads up for JongKey. xD 4/5

Overall Total: 71/100