The New Beginning by justmeonly

Monochromatic Pixel's Review Request Shop

 


 
Title:  2/5
 

Ok, the title actually sounds quite boring. It won't be some title that would catch my attention.
 


Poster(If there is one): 9/15
The poster is nice! I love the fact that there's stains of blood, it matches the mood of the story.
 
Description:  6/10
Nice, short and sweet. There somehow a hook to it that created the suspense that a reader, in this case me, wants to see and read.
 
Forward:  5/10
Its quite nice, matches the story. I like the prologue though xDD
 
Character descriptions (only if have one):  6/10
Its ok, at least most of the informations are inside and I could understand what's the role of everyone in the story.
 
Plot:  15/45
Actually..the plot is nothing unique or special. Its just like how anyone would basically write for a vampire story. Nothing much special to the extend that would make me want to read it at all. Another thing is that, the way you write it makes it even worse.
 
Writing:  15/40
Your writing is really very...how should I say? Just like the standard of a primary school student. You're sentences are really very weird to the extend that its somehow confusing.
 
Spelling/grammar:  9/25
Your spelling and grammer isn't really good actually. Most of your sentence are weird.
 
For example:
(chapter 2)
 
i pain
correction: I mumbled in pain
 
(chapter 2)
 
i asked to myself
correction: I asked myself
 
Please, the word "I" should be in capital letter and your sentences sometimes left out areiswaswere and other connectors. And you have the becareful of your past and present tense. 
 
Chapter titles (only if have titles):  4/10
Well, not much to say. It's just plain and boring. Quite obvious to the fact that I don't even find the need to read the chapter title.
 
Ending (only if completed):  /20
None, don't worry, I won't count the marks in.
 
Rated scenes (only if rated):  /10
Haven yet, so I won't count in the marks.
 
Total:  71/170
Criteria: B-
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Comments

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Ladychi #1
Chapter 53: Yamaha ni encuentro está historia, alguien tiene una copia, please
CutieWay #2
I don't know how to explain this, but there is a move in which you move your chest while your fingers are going down. Also the move in which your body is following your body isn't easy for someone who wants to start dancing.
flyingyen
#3
Hey there! Sorry to be leaving a message like this in your comments but Ravenous Temptations are hiring for more staff! We are looking for dedicated graphic designers, reviewers, writers and advertisers! So please help us out because we are overloaded with requests and lack the staff to complete them ^^;;<br />
<br />
http://ravenous-temptations.blogspot.com
ElephantsandCrayons4
#4
Hello I was just wondering if my story was going to be reviewed? I put up a request on the day you said would be the last day of accepting reviews so I don't know if it's valid or not
janie6789
#5
Ahh kay. Thank you for the review and the encouraging words and the great score :D<br />
I really like my poster though!! :P I think the shop I used was fantastic. I didn't want a quote because it seems cheesy to me, and to be honest, book covers never show the story line anyways, so I disagree with you in that respect. I also find backgrounds to be distracting when navigating through the chapters, which is why I don't use one. ;) <br />
I think your comment on the length of it also got me thinking, and I may go through and have a compilation of the "must read" chapters for new readers so they can skip over some of them. Thank you very much again for the review :)
janie6789
#6
@Chp. 51: To be fair, the real Taemin went to normal school until after Ring Ding Dong, if I'm not mistaken. There was a rumour that he was bullied at school, with a series of pictures of him in class. He transferred to an arts school after Ring Dong Dong.
HanaKyu
#7
Omo. Thank you so much! LOL I targeted that I would get a 70.. Hihi. Yeah, I at grammar and describing things! ^^ But I will try my best to fix that! I really appreciated it that you have time to review my story. ^^ And again, thank you! <3
__eccedentesiast_ #8
Just posted up the review
__eccedentesiast_ #9
Thanks for the review I'll put it up when I'm not on my phone