Reviewer: Aznchika @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/20573/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 4/5

-Your title was pretty interesting. I wouldn’t call it eye-catching, but I wouldn’t call it boring either. It connects with the story and it isn’t lame like ‘Omo! Nickun Gave Me His Eyes’- it was short and simple, so I give you props for that [:

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 8.5/10

-I give it a ten out of ten! The poster is amazing and the BG doesn’t distract me from the main focus and though the background’s kind of plain, it matches with the poster and it appeals to my eye [: The only reason why I took off points is because you should use your story poster for ALL of your chapters. It’s only fair for the person who designed it.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 9.5/10

-The forewords were also interesting. The prologue drew me in and made me wonder what the fanfic was about. A correct forewords have character descriptions, but you made up for it by revealing how the characters talked in the beginning scene. Good job :D

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 12/15

-Part of it bothered me. The fact that Jessica kept saying that she loved Taecyeon became really annoying. The part about donating his eye was pretty interesting, but other than that, it was like a typical story.

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 6.5/10

-I can definitely tell the persona of each character by their actions, but I would like to see more details about them. The way you state them in your fanfic doesn’t give the readers enough information about them; sure, we know the basics, but it’s better if you’re more in-depth with your writing. That way, you’ll become more successful in the future.

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 10/10

-I have to say, I don’t normally see these kinds of storylines around. It’s uncommon and even if I do spot them, I think yours is a bit different. That’s a good thing [:

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 5/10

-I’m sorry to say that it was somewhat complicating to read your piece. First of all, you used way too many unnecessary ellipsis marks (‘…’) and it makes the story sound boring and dull. Second, about 95% of the time when you’re finish quoting, you use the wrong punctuation marks. Make sure to end your quotes with either a comma (replaces a period), question mark, or exclamation mark. Don’t type ‘~’ or ‘.’. For example:

You wrote: " Uh.... Why are you asking me such strange questions.. Oppa~" Jessica said walking into her house gate since we reached her house without realization.

Better written: “Uh… Why are you asking me such strange questions, Oppa?” Jessica asked, walking pass her house gate since we reached her house without realization.

Third, I highly recommend replacing common words such as ‘said’ and ‘asked’. It adds more energy to the fanfic and I don’t think you want to have a dull story!

And lastly, USE COMMAS! They’re invented for a reason! The example for number two explains it also [:

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 7/10

-The flow, honestly, was choppy at some parts, but fine during others. Keep a constant pace, so it isn’t confusing [: Also, make sure you write ‘meanwhile’ when you’re suddenly switching scenes!

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 9/15

-Like I said before, it would be much easier if you state whose perspective it is and when you’re changing the scenes. In chapter five, you told the readers that it was both Nickhun and Jessica’s point of view and used first person. I was confused- how could it be both perspectives at the same time? You should really make sure you fix that, so you can avoid confusion.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 3/5

-I have to say, I’m a big fan of SNSD and 2PM, but the fact that there were too many grammar and spelling errors bothered me. I can’t give you full marks- I’m sorry.

`Total : 74.5/100

`Bonus : 2/5

-I really like Jessica in reality [:

-It brought back memories if this song I once heard!

Overall Total: 76.5/100