Reviewer: Sherioka @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic link:http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/42105/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] :It was simple and short. But it’s supposed to be “On an Island” So watch out for mistakes. But overall, I like the title. You got to the main point of the story well. So good job, but maybe next time you can try using more difficult words to replace the easy ones. 4/5

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : I like the blends and all, and the background of the poster was nice and cute. But I didn’t like the fonts for the letters. The color wasn’t well decided, and the orange thing below BigBang could be removed. It didn’t look good with the poster. 8/10

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] :It kind of got me confused, but it’s a good thing. The reader will want to find out the answer or the truth of the story. So they’ll keep reading. You didn’t need to add the *scream* or *birds fly away* It’s not a movie, so you didn’t need to state that. But other than that, the foreword was mysterious and cute. Good job. 9/10

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : You said that you liked the idea of ‘tropical.’ And I did too, and the idea of how they ended up on the beach was cute. I give you heads up for that. 15/15

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : You didn’t put a lot of effort in describing the characters. But I know that Sunye and Taeyang are competitive. Other than that, I don’t know anything about the characters. If you focused on the characters more and not their actions, it would have been better. 5/10

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : I liked how you made both Sunye and Taeyang throwing things out and Sunye saying she lives with her purse. It was funny and creative. But you could have added more surprising scenes, and try not to repeat the same ideas. 8/10

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : Reread and recheck after writing a paragraph or a sentence is really important! Some mistakes here and there that you need to watch out.

Examples: "ANYONE CAN HEAR US?" >“CAN ANYONE HEAR US?”

"This water is 1 year ago." Said Sohee.*Jiyong chocks and faints* > “This water was expired 1 year ago.” Said Sohee. *Jiyong chokes and fainted*

Note: I didn’t even understand this sentence: "All fo there parts are really interesting."Said YG. 4/10

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : It’s steady, and you revealed that it was the TV people making them lost on the Island. You rushed the ending too fast. 6/10

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : Like I said, your story is like an action movie. You don’t put effort in adding emotions and feelings. Only what they’re doing. You should add punctuations.

Example: *Sohee forgets Jiyong to save her water and water bottle* > *Sohee forgets Jiyong, and went to save her water bottle*

You need to work with your fluency and you need to add punctuations! You sentences are all actions and when they aren’t actions, you forget the most important things. 6/15

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : It’s was okay. I don’t like all those actions. Like one step they do what, the next step they do this. 2/5

`Total : 67/100

`Bonus : 3/5

Overall Total: 70/100