FF Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/7463/

Review by:  sherioka @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : The title was cute, like I say to every writer, the simpler the better. I know that the title is very important and you named it well, only one thing that I keep on saying, simpler! 4/5

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : Aw, the poster is cute too! The picture isn’t blurry and the colors are simple, with less color effects, you can read the words more clearly and focus on the main theme of the picture. 10/10

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : The forewords was well written, but it didn’t have the effect on making me wanting to read more. You stated the main point of the story well, but you didn’t leave a little mystery to unfold in the story, that little mystery is important, the reader will want to know what will happen. Not just some words telling you the main point, although those words are still important. By the way, you revealed a bit too much, when you really wanted to say how Jonghyun was about announced his girlfriend, at that time; it was pretty predictable. 7/10

`Plot[was the plot cliché or was it interesting?] : I’ve read this kind of story plot before and although you didn’t finish the story yet, I can predict a bit about the ending, think of surprises. It’ll make the story more interesting! 11/15

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : It’s like a diary right? A dairy of the main character, a dairy of her life, that’s a very good idea and creative. I also like how you add little parts like “Perhaps ready to mingle” You can already tell that the girl is bubbly and cheerful. You described it well, since well, she’s the main character, and you need to put more effort in her thoughts. Keep it up! But be careful not to describe too much, sometimes you’d want the reader to know everything clearly, but instead, you write too much and it just makes the readers bored. There were some parts like that in the story. 10/10

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] :Like I said, I’ve read these kind of stories before, but it doesn’t mean that your story isn’t creative. I think I’ve said that I liked it when you said Gyu had a crush on Minho, which was a great surprise! You were really creative about Jonghyun being twins with what and long lost brother of what and how you described him and his actions were cute. I’ll be waiting for more surprises. 8/10

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : Some paragraphs have lots of mistakes, while some, are written perfectly well. You should reread and fix the parts with the mistakes, and then it’ll be perfect! And there were some parts where you described it funny, like the ‘king sun’ I know it’s the sun, but what were you trying to express? Other than that, the spelling and everything had no problems. Just the basics, recheck your chapter every time you finish writing it! Read through it and see if there are parts that didn’t make sense or not good enough.  6/10

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] :You did a great job, every step gets a chapter and you described the meaning and what you want to express well. I can find what the main idea in each chapter is and it all relates to the chapter title. Although you might want to slow down a bit, not too fast okay? You seem like you’re rushing a bit. Even if you slow down a bit, I hope you can still progress the story full of surprises and emotions. 7/10

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] :It was clear and easy. You stated who’s talking well and since its Gyu’s POV in this story, it was even easier to understand since there won’t be other’s people’s thoughts that would mix up the story. You also used different types of writing style like bold or italic and you even changed the font, which makes it three times clearer! 15/15

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : I liked the story quiet well, it was enjoyable and cute. The main character, she likes to think about random things and her thoughts were well, enjoyable. You described Jonghyun like some prince and those adjectives were great! Although I don’t really like the part about ‘ Potter’ How dare Onew get Harry Potter mixed up! 4/5

`Total : 82/100
`Bonus : 5/5

Overall Total: 87/100

Review’s Note: I’ve read the reviews from other people, but I personally think your story was interesting. Just be careful of describing too much and spelling mistakes.