FF Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/35849/

Review by:  Sapphira @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 4/5

The first time I saw the title, I was confused. It made me think like, what do you mean?  Something like that. It’s like it made me think that, “Why can’t he go out with her?” and who is this certain “he” we are talking about.

I think the title is pretty good. J

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 7/10

My first impression was I thought this story was something “new”, but I guess I was wrong. It quite caught my attention but when I started reading it, I guess I expected too much.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 6/10

When I read the description, I thought that this story would be like an ordinary girl who became part of a big entertainment industry, and became friends with some big star and starts to fall in love and have those love triangles and such. And so far, it is happening.

I didn’t feel any “excitement” or the “feeling” that I want to read it more. It’s like it lacks on catching the attention of readers.

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 7/15

I can say that this story was a bit cliché. I mean, I already read a lot of stories like this. Maybe you should add more “explosive” or something.

Add something new and not just the same old story that everyone already read.

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 10/10

I don’t think I have problems with the characters. I think it was pretty organized and not confusing. J

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 6/10

The way you put up the scenes, I can say it’s quite creative. But if we are talking about the flow or the plot itself... well like what I said on the “plot”, add more explosive or something that could make everyone shock or didn’t expect that to happen…That kind of feeling. But you have your own originality and creativity, so I know you could improve that.

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 7/10

I just found some errors. Please be aware of your subject and verb agreement.  Like when you use a single subject you should use a plural verb and so on. Also please check your spellings, Like “embarassment” à it’s suppose to be double “r”. And also your spacings… like this word “fangirl” à this should be two words, ok? And some other common errors.

Overall, it was fine.

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 6/10

I think the flow is a bit slow… It’s like they are still on the same “event” and not going forward or something.

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 14/15

I love your writing style. It’s not confusing and easy to read. It’s like I can imagine the scene that you are trying to let us see.  It’s like I’m reading a book. I like it.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 3/5

I didn’t get bored and I didn’t enjoy, in other words… it’s average. J

`Total : 70/100

`Bonus : 4/5

Overall Total: 74/100

Hope this review helps~ J No hard feelings, ok?