Review by: Sherioka @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

FF link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/40540/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : It could have been better and not spoil the story too much, when you read the title, everyone will know it’s about this boarding school and it won’t be surprising when you do announce it. A small tip, try to make the title more simpler. 2/5

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : Not really, it was exciting at first, but later on, when you spoil a lot of things or describe really clearly, it makes the story more boring. Other than that, I liked how you paired the members up and added other characters in the story; it makes the story more interesting and not just all about Shinee. 7/10

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : It was okay, not too bad. Though you didn’t need to describe that much, and the more mysterious the more interesting, making the reader want to find out what will happen next. I personally think the first part of the forewords was well written, but the second part was getting dull. 8/10

`Plot[was the plot cliché or was it interesting?] : You didn’t really describe the plot well in the story, so I don’t really know what to say. I’m not sure if I got the main point of the story since I didn’t get the chance to read all chapters because you haven’t completed it yet, but overall…I think the plot needs more improvement. You often get off the main track, so I insist you re-think what you’ll write next before writing, like thinking of how everything will go…and etc. 8/15

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : At first, I liked how you describe about Minho, he likes to bully Taemin, but when it comes to the lunch lady, he was nice enough…Or maybe not, but the point is. I learned about the characters, although they have a complicated relationship, each of their personalities are different and it fits with the story well. 9/10

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : Just like my answer to the plot, I think it needs more improvement. Lots of people write about boarding schools and bullying whatsoever, so it’s not unique and it doesn’t stand out. On the next chapters, you should add more scenes about living together and stuff like that. 5/10

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : I remember there were parts like typos and parts that you missed out words. Rereading and rechecking is really important, reading out loud will help you find your minor mistakes, too. Your grammar was surprisingly well, but there’s still room for improvement. I saw some parts where the phrases were incomplete and I had no idea what you were trying to say. You could search up some more difficult words other than the usual, ‘mean’ or something like that and you should avoid repeating actions or the characters will be doing the same thing over and over again. For example: “He bit his lip” You repeat it over and over again, you might want to find some other words and phrases that have the same meaning. 7/10

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : The flow was steady, which means it’s not too fast or too slow to my liking. The plot in each chapter is not fascinating, but the point right now is the flow, and I really like it. You don’t spill everything out at once and the chapters aren’t long and full of nothing. I liked how you add a little mystery at the end of each chapter and you reveal the truth on the next. You did well on that part. All you need to fix on is your plot and description. 10/10

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : It was a bit confusing and hard to understand who is talking; you should work on that more. Stating whose talking is really important, it might make the reader confused and get frustrated if you don’t make it clear. Also, like I said there are some parts where you’ve written wrong including typos, you should re-read what you have written more carefully. 9/15

`Overall Enjoyment [did I enjoy this story?] : Actually, I liked the story pretty well, but lots of mistakes and places you can improve and make the story better and better! I like Minho a lot and hope he express his feelings toward Taemin and stop bullying him, I also like Yumi a lot. ^^

`Total : 65/100

`Bonus : 5/5

Overall Total: 70/100

Thanks for requesting fromMonochromatic Pixel.