Reviewer: SKID_11 @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/ 

Fanfic Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/22123/ 

‘Story Title [did it catch my attention?]: 3/5 

I found the title a good choice for your story. It matched the plot of your story, since the fact was that this story had to do with a "cursed" book, and so it was a good idea to incorporate this fact into your story title. However, I encountered a two things that I didn't like about your story title. 

First off, though this doesn't matter that much, you have a period in your title. Titles don't have periods, because they're titles. 

Second, I didn't really feel that eerie, horror vibe when I read your story title. I thought it was a drama/romance/humor story reading the title, which is a bad thing. You should switch your title around a bit, I believe, even if it does have an okay title. Just so readers can get that "horror movie" feel when they read your title. 

And...yeah. I suppose that's it. :) 

‘Appearance [what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?]: 9/10 

Nice poster; it really was a good one. ^^ 

I have to say that black and white is always the way to go when you are making a poster for a horror story, so two thumbs to whoever made this poster for you! :)  Although, the thing is that, at the bottom of the poster, with the fictional character, I felt that there was too much going on there. 

What I mean is that, you see the fictional character, and then her cluttered room in the background, and then you have a picture of a book and a rose overlapping the background (i.e. the room). Too much going on there, which is why I gave you one mark off here. 

‘Forewords [did your forewords make me wanting to read more?]: 6/10 

The description was fine, I suppose, but there were too many words. I mean, imagine a hardcover book that you pick up in the library. You look at the back, and all you see is two-to-three paragraphs. Maybe a paragraph more, but that's it. You don't see too many words or paragraphs. That is what you should do for your description, I believe. 

Also, the foreword, you keep on saying "don't read this book anymore," or "read at your own risk!" and then all of a sudden you say, "if you don't continue reading, then death awaits you!" It makes no sense. Either you should attract the readers by saying not to read this book, trying to spook them, or you intrigue and entice them, while scaring them, by saying that they should continue reading or they will die. Choose between these two, but don't choose both of them. They will confuse your readers. 

The foreword was lacking, in my opinion. I mean, you wrote everything in the description and left nothing to go into the description. That's like, back to the hardcover book scenario, placing everything in the back of the book and leaving nothing in the inside flap, where you'd usually find a larger summary. So, I advise you to take the part where it says "Read at your own risk!" and everything below that, and paste it into your foreword rather than your description. This way, you'll have something to entice your readers in the description, and something that will want them to continue reading in the foreword. 

Also, I think you should take out the character descriptions in the foreword. Those are a no-no, for you're basically saying by those character descriptions that either the reader is too dumb to discover your characters' personalities for themselves or you are too inexperienced as a writer to write how each one of your character reacts in a situation. 

Apart from these few kinks in your foreword and description, everything else I liked very much! :) 

‘Plot [was the plot cliché or was it interesting?]: 14/15 

Definitely creative! :) I haven't read anything like this before! It's different than other stories, and I really do believe that this story has potential. There's so much left to be told; so many twists and turns to be explored, so many secrets to be unveiled, so many sub-plots to be discovered...ooh, even thinking about it makes me shiver in delight! ^^ 

I'm really glad that I was chosen to review this story, because I'm seriously loving the cool, interesting plot you've got going here! It's so different from the many different plots that you see here on AFF, so kudos to you! :D 

‘Characterization [was I able to learn about the characters?]: 7/10 

Unfortunately, I had to take away three marks from this, since I didn't really get a good grasp of the characters. Although, they had different ways of dealing with things, though sometimes I felt as if an emotion wasn't conveyed properly or an emotion that should've been used wasn't, which didn't really make me relate to any of the characters at times. 

However, there were many parts in which I could totally relate with a character's' emotion/s, so splendid job on the characters nevertheless! Just work a bit more on creating personalities which differ from other characters' personalities a bit, and you should be fine in the future. :) 

‘Creativity/Originality [was it creative?]: 8/10 

Creativity and originality was flowing from this story, I believe. ^^ 

However, I have a few complaints. For one, this story doesn't exactly have the creepy vibe which you would believe it would, since this story is supposed to be a horror story. You should work a bit more on that, I think. Also, you need to work on your descriptions, which I will talk a bit more about in the flow and writing style section. Another thing would be your spelling/grammar/vocabulary, which I will talk in more detail to you about in the next section. 

Just work on these things, and I suppose you should be fine. 

‘Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary [was I able to understand what you were trying to say?]: 7/10 

At first, this section wasn't too much of a hindrance. I mean, you made a few mistakes here and there, but it was bearable to read. It still is, for your mistakes are rather small, but after a few mistakes it started to get just a bit annoying. I mean, the mistakes are things that could've been easily avoidable with spell-check and a bit of editing and revising. 

So, I advise you to use spell-check and read aloud when editing and revising. If you do so, then I'm sure that next time you ask for a review from someone, you should be able to get a better mark in this section. :) 

‘Flow [was it too fast or too slow to my liking?]: 8/10 

The flow is fine, I believe. However, there were times when it goes a bit too fast. 

For example, when she was going "exploring" or whatever around the right staircase, I believe you should've slowed the pace down a bit to explain a bit more about what she saw and how she was feeling and other few tidbits. I really think that you could've used that scene to up the suspense, the thrill of reading. Make the readers breathless as they continue to read, biting their nails as they wondered what the character might see/experience while walking down a corridor, going up the stairs, etc. etc. 

I mean, for suspense/horror/thriller stories/movies/tv shows/etc., it's best to slow things down when you come to a scary/suspenseful/thrilling scene. Slow it down so the readers/watchers are wondering what will happen next, and what might pop out when they least expect it. For writers, its a bit more difficult to get the right feel of horror. You really need to use descriptions, while for directors/movie makers, its easier to just make props to convey the creepiness of a scene or simply dim the lights on the set. 

Anyway, apart from that little tidbit that I believe you should work on, I thought the flow was good. Brilliant job. :) 

‘Writing Style [did your writing style make it easy for me to read?]: 13/15 

I  just love your format! I mean, when you write down your chapter titles/page titles in the beginning of the chapter, and the way you bold and make the font size bigger  for the first letter in a word in the beginning of the chapter...wonderful!  ^^ I really like how you make it seem like this story is actually an actual book. 

Also, I love how your writing is clean and easy to read. But this is a bad thing as well. I mean, it's so easy to read that even an eight year old would be able to read this and not be scared. You really need to up the drama, the suspense, the thrill, the horror; you need to up it so much that readers get butterflies in their stomach while reading, that they are truly afraid of continuing reading, but wishing to read on at the same time. You really need to add more descriptions, more vocabulary to add more of a certain flare to your story. 

If you do so, I'm sure that your story will turn out to become even more creepier than it is currently. In a good way, of course. xD lol 

‘Overall Enjoyment [did I enjoy this story?]: 3/5 

For sure! I loved reading this so far. Hope you get out of your hiatus soon! ^^ 

I took two marks out, however, because of your lack of descriptions and small errors that, over time, became a bit of a hindrance to my reading. 

‘Total: 78/100 

‘Bonus: 5/5 

Loved your story format, epic plot, and cool characters! :) 

Please do keep on updating, and keep on growing as a writer in general. 

Overall Total: 83/100