Reviewer: Aznchika @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/26643/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 5/5

-You kept the title short and simple, and I appreciate it being not too long or boring [: I don’t see why I should take off marks.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 7/10

-I took off a few points for not having a poster, but the background is fine. It doesn’t distract me in any way and it isn’t the complete opposite of the mood.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 10/10

-I’m pretty sure you have everything that’s supposed to be in the forewords; the only thing I suggest you do is to add a teaser in order to draw the readers in more. Other than that, I say you did a pretty good job [:

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 15/15

-The theme was borrowed, but I didn’t feel that the story was cliché in any type of way. You made it interesting, and that was what mattered [:

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 5.5/10

-I don’t really get why you didn’t just tell the readers Yoseob’s name in the beginning of the story – and when I saw beginning of the story, I meant chapter two. It causes confusion, and there’s no point in saving his name for later. I have to say, I suggest revising how you introduced the characters – your introductions were somewhat choppy and the flow wasn’t smooth.

Another problem was you weren’t clearly explaining who was who. In chapter 2, you kept implying the cute guy was Kikwang. Why didn’t you just use ‘Kikwang’? Once in a while, it’s okay- however, it gets frustrating when there are 3 guys in one scene.

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 10/10

-Like I said earlier, the story overall was unique in its own little way. Good job [:

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 5/10

-It seems that you have a tendency to switch back and forth between past and present tense. It’s best to proof-read after you’ve written, so you don’t miss those mistakes. Also, I suggest you learn how to use commas. I saw a couple of parts where you miss adding those in. Lastly, there was a large amount of missing words. For example:

You wrote: “Hey, look. It’s your lovely Kikwang over there,” he teased the taller guy while pointing his childhood friend with his eyes.

Better written: “Hey, look – it’s your lovely Kikwang over there,” he teased the taller guy while pointing at his childhood friend with his eyes.

Here are some other examples of some mistakes:

You wrote:  For him, it’s the nicest dream that he has ever have in his live.

Better written: For him, it was the nicest dream that he had ever had in his life.

You wrote:  The guy, who full name is Song Dongwoon, knew what his friend want if he showed that eyes to him. 

Better written: The guy, whose full name was Song Dongwoon, knew what his friend wanted whenever he showed those eyes to him.

You wrote: He knew exactly who is it, so he began to poke Dongwoon with his elbow, smirking.

Better written: He knew exactly who it was, so he began to spoke Dongwoon with his elbow while smirking.

You wrote: He didn’t mad if someone called him cute, but he just didn’t like it, at all.

Better written: He didn’t get mad whenever someone called him cute, but he just didn’t like it- at all.

You wrote: Dongwoon wanted to say him cute again, but after what he got just now, he didn’t dare to say those words anymore.

Better written: Dongwoon wanted to call him cute again, but after what he got just now, he didn’t dare say those words anymore.

You wrote: But, he didn’t know why, he liked what he felt. As if he has seen those eyes before and missed it so much that he couldn’t take his eyes off it.

Better written: He didn’t know why, but he liked what he felt. It was as if he had seen those eyes before and missed them so much that he couldn’t take his eyes off it.

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 10/10

-If you ask me, the flow was pretty even, so I don’t see any reason to deduct points ^-^

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 12/15

-Overall, your story delivered a good message to the readers. The only thing I suggest is to use their names more often instead of labeling them by their looks. For example, you usually called Kikwang and Yoseob the ‘cute guy’ and ‘pretty guy’. It’s good to use them once calling them by their name sounds repetitive, but there’s also a limit.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 5/5

-Honestly, I really enjoyed the story! It was nice to read, and Yoseob is just too cute <3

`Total : 84.5/100

`Bonus : 4/5

-Kim Jonghyun was the teacher? Me likey ;D

-Doojoon and Yoseob make a cute couple <3

-I love Kikwang and Dongwoon [:

-GO BEAST!

Overall Total: 88.5/100