Reviewer: Sherioka @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/43320/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : The title’s simple and it’s connected well with the story, I give up heads up for that. But sometimes, simple just isn’t enough. You can use more difficult words to replace the easy ones; it’ll be more eye-catching. I was relief that you didn’t call it ‘Hot’n cold’ or anything with ‘hot’ the word is common, so many writers will use that word as the title. Cold + Flame= Cold Flame, the combination is perfect. I also like the chapter titles, it was so full of emotion and I liked the words you used. 4/5

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : The poster was well made; it didn’t have all those flowery effects. It was simple, but you could have put more effort in the ‘ice’ part. There was flame, but what about the ice/cold? I did notice that Jonghyun’s shirt has a light tint of red, from the reflex of the flame on the floor? And Key was white and icy. But like I said, describe more about the ice part, it still isn’t noticeable enough. I think the posters for chapter 2 and 3 was awesome. Just that the words were a bit hard to see. 8/10

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : You did a great job on describing your story, hinting your story. But the problem is, it didn’t make me want to read more. There should be some big problem in the story, a problem that makes the reader’s excited. You missed out that part. The story’s only describing how JongKey work everything out with each other. I’m not really sure if that’s how the story progressed. But it gives me that kind of feeling while reading the forewords. So you need to work on that part. 7/10

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : Many people use this plot, but it’s on how you develop it. Although it wasn’t an interesting plot, but you did well describing it. 12/15

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : It was really clear, you keep on reminding us Jonghyun and Key’s personalities and be careful of them. You put a lot of effort in describing them, good job! Don’t describe…too much okay? Some details could be removed. 9/10

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : The scenes and actions in the story are creative, I enjoyed reading them. You can think of more surprising ideas to add into parts. I liked how you said ‘Don’t play with fire’ Or something like that. That was creative! 9/10

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : Reread and recheck every time you finish writing a chapter, a paragraph or even a sentence. Some mistakes:

1. " I made breakfast, it a emergenacy had to into work early. Enjoy" > “I made breakfast, it was an emergency, I had to work early. Enjoy”
2.  He took his jacket is white V-neck a size to small showing somewhat a bit of his feminine waist. > He took his white V-neck jacket, showing somewhat of his feminine waist since the jacket was a size too small.
3. “...only fivteen years old!” > “…only fifteen years old!”
4. Jonghyun stared at helpless figure lying on the ground. > Jonghuyn stared at the helpless figure lying on the ground.
5. All everyone was cared now, they dare touch him.His hands clenching into fists> Everyone was scared now, they dare not touch him. His hands clenched into fists.

#Note: You didn’t need to say ‘a size too small’ instead, you can say ‘too small’ or ‘too tight’ to fit the sentence. You can delete sentences that aren’t that important, it’ll help the fluency of the phrase. Typos here and there, watch out for them! Sometimes you’ll forget to write ‘the’ or ‘a’ in sentences, they are really important so don’t forget about them. 4/10

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] :Each chapter doesn’t have much connection with each other, you’ll need to watch out for that. And JongKey isn’t progressing much; you’ll need to watch out for that, too. The story’s going a bit slow, and a bit boring, too. 6/10

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] :It was hard to understand, you write the story like a movie in the first few chapters. Suddenly the scene changes or flashbacks come right away. It was confusing to me, and probably for the readers, too.You didn’t need to state what action he was doing, like the next move he does what and then he goes where does what, sees what. I didn’t understand who was talking from time to time; maybe you shouldn’t describe so much of his actions, but focus on who’s talking. 9/15

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] :I love tragic stories! Although it was progressing too slowly, I enjoyed reading it. 4/5

`Total : 72/100

`Bonus : 5/5

Overall Total: 77/100

#Reviewer’s Note:“Don’t judge a book by its cover.” You are the opposite.