Reviewer: aznchika @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

FANFIC LINK: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/36025/

`Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 3/5

-As a reader, I would say the title does not capture my attention. It sounds cliché, and I’ve heard it numerous of times before.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : -/10

-I’ve decided to exclude this section since you don’t have a poster or BG yet [:

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 8/10

-The forewords were fine. It didn’t particularly interest me, and it also confused me at some point, but it does set the readers up for what they were going to read.

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 15/15

Full marks! I really like the plot! I’m the kind of person that’s interested in mystery and suspense, and I really love the way you set up the mysterious and dangerous atmosphere! This is definitely not a common plot, and I give you kudos for that! Great job!

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 10/10

-From the way you write, I can definitely tell how Jiyong feels throughout the story. It’s no secret that he truly loves his wife and would do anything to find her, even giving up all his wealth. Although, I think it would be more interesting if you can also tell us what Dara was like.

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] : 10/10

-Very creative and original! Most stories nowadays feature common and cliché parts, but this story has its own unique twist to it! So full marks once again!

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 7/10

-Like I stated earlier, your vast vocabulary makes it hard for me to comprehend the story. I’m sorry, but I’m only thirteen and – I may be wrong- there are also people about the same age as me that don’t know the words you know. I think it would help your fanfic if you could loosen your vocab just a little bit. There were no spelling mistakes, however there was a few grammar problems. Here’s an example:

“Best? Is this the best you can show me, huh?! Well these things are all futile!”, Jiyong retorted as he rimpled the papers and hurled them directly to the person who just stayed deeply rooted on his spot.

If someone is talking, then you place the comma inside the quotation marks like this: “ Blah Blah Blah,”

If someone is yelling or asking a question, there shouldn’t be a comma after the quote. There’s both a comma and exclamation mark between the words ‘futile’ and ‘Jiyong’. There should only be one, and it would be best if it was the exclamation mark.

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 10/10

-I thought the flow was perfectly fine! It didn’t go too fast, but it wasn’t too slow either. Good job!

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 9/15

-I’m sorry to say, but your writing style makes it boring and complicating for me to read. I suggest- this is what I think- that you should loosen up on your vocabulary. Your plot is interesting, but your words take away the mood of the story.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] : 4/5

-Despite all of the complication and confusion, I really did actually like the story. The fanfic was very interesting, and I just love it whenever a man is truly dedicated to his wife.

`Total : 69/90 = 77/100

`Bonus : 1/5

-I’m sorry, but I just love the way Jiyong loves Dara so much!

Overall Total: 78/100