You were forced to sit in the audience. Your parents were both at your sides. It felt wrong sitting in the audience instead of being backstage with your friends and Lay. It felt even more wrong sitting on the side where Jazz Academy students and family were sitting. Everything just felt wrong for you today. The clothes, the jewelry, the make up, the whole freaking outfit! 

"I don't want to be here." You whispered to no one in particular. 

Your parents heard you, however, and each of them grabbed one of your hands, and placing it securely in theirs. Your father just tightly held your hand. Your mother just laid her head against yours and whispered comforting words to you.

"At least, watch Lay sweety. Watch all of your friends. Try to enjoy yourself and just for a bit pretend there's nothing wrong." Your mom winced when she said the word 'pretend'. 

You frowned and shook your head,"I can't pretend mom! That'll make me pretend for the rest of my life. Pretend I'm getting married to the man I love. I have to pretend that it's him I'll want to live the rest of my life. I'll pretend the child that is Niel's is Lay's. I'll pretend that my life is happy and not miserable...I can't pretend, mom. It's useless." 

You wiped a few tears that fell from your face and tried hard not to cry any further. It was stupid to cry, it was wasteful. 

"I want to be with Yixing. I might sound stupid since I'm young. We're barely in high school, how could I know we'll be together forever? It really does sound stupid...I don't care though. I'm willing for a chance to be with him. It's reckless, but I just want to be happy with Yixing." You sniff and wipe your face, then you look at your crying mother right beside you. 

"Jina." She whispers and you just smile and wipe her tears. "I'm sorry we can't help you that much." She rests her head against yours,"I want you to be happy too." Your dad sighs, feeling helpless. He wants you to be happy too, but he can't do much. Your grandfather is one of the most powerful man in South Korea. The three of you stay silent and just wait till the competition starts.  

"Hey, what are you doing in the crowd?" 

You look up and spot CN Blue at the end of your row all bundled up to cover their faces. You know it's them, cause it's just too obvious to you. 

"Oppas." Your voice croaks. 

Your older brother furrows his eyebrows,"Have you been crying?"

"Bwoh?" Jonghyun narrows his eyes at you, like the rest of the band members. 

"Let's talk outside." You mumble softly and stand up. 

"No, it's about to start...we'll just see you after it's done." Minhyuk mutters back, unsure why you're in the crowd next to your parents. But, he doesn't want you to miss the competition. 

"We'll be in the back." Yonghwa smiles and waves to your parents, they all do, and leave. Except for Minhyuk. 

"My baby boy, sit besides mommy!" Your mom chirps and pushes your dad to the next empty seat. Your dad scowls while he does what your mother says. Minhyuk sits in his seat. 

"Thanks for warming up the seat, dad." Minhyuk smiles at your dad, who just grumbles something about your mom going to hit him if he doesn't. 

Then, the lights go dark and the competition begins. 

Jazz Academy sure did live up to their title as winners, they were amazing. You thought they'd compare to Seoul Fine Arts, but you were wrong. Both schools were par to par. Before you knew it, Niel and his friends were on stage. 

You heard a bunch of girls screaming 'Teen Top'. And you winced when the girls started screaming their heads off when they saw Niel's group. Wow, they're so popular. 

Niel came on stage with his all-knowing smile, making a few of his fans wail and cry. His eyes scanned the crowd and landed on you. He shot you a wink. You ignored him and looked away. 

Minhyuk noticed, so did your parents, and he leaned in next to you,"Yah! Did that kid with the big lips wink at you?!" 

"Bleh." Your mom made a face. 

"Nara." Your dad gave her a look. She flipped her hair and kept looking forward. He sighed and watched as the music started to play. 

You bit your lips. You never saw Niel and his friends perform before. Since they were winners from last year, you new they were definitely good. And when they performed, they were really, really good. 

It was hard to keep your eyes off them. Their dancing was neat. Niel's friends had a good combination of dance, rap, and vocals. Wow. That's all you could think while watching them. 

At the end, you just blinked. 

"Unbelievable." You whispered. 

Everyone around you was clapping, except your parents. Minhyuk was clapping. You barely noticed it you were clapping amongst everyone else. 

"Jina!" Your mom stopped you from futher clapping. 

Lay saw you clap. It made his chest tighten in an uncomfortable way. He felt like he was losing you already. How can I fight for her? I-I can't. Lay's face was contorted with disappointment. He felt so disheartened with himself. 

Luhan came beside him and patted his shoulder,"Hey, you nervous?" 

"No." Lay shook his head. I'm not nervous. I just don't have faith in myself, in my relationship to be with Jina. I'm not worthy enough for her. I can't be equal with her. I'll never be able to stand beside her. We are different. 

"Lay." Sumin came beside him this time. 

Lay looked at her wordlessly. 

"Don't give up. Please." Sumin whispered. She could see he was slowly giving up. She could see it in his eyes. 

Lay looked away from her to you. He didn't say anything. 

Sumin frowned and walked away, passing Luhan, who gave her a worried glance between her and Lay, and she walked to Hana. "This isn't good." was all she said to Hana and hugged her. Hana pouted and hugged her back. 

"Hey, Sumin, they're calling you." Luhan softly touched Sumin's arm. 

Sumin looked up from Hana's shoulder, her face clearly smudged with her make up from crying. Luhan's eyes widened, then he just pulled her into his embrace,"Don't you want to perform?"

Sumin shook her head,"If Jina isn't going to perform I don't want to either." 

Luhan sighed and wiped her face,"Hey, don't you want to try for Jina? Perform for the both of you? Win for her? And, beat JASS Academy?" 

A smile soon formed on Sumin's lips and she nodded her head,"I really do." 

Luhan smiled back,"Then go out there and beat the out of them. Make Sumin and I proud. I know my girl can do it." Sumin choked in her tears, happy tears, and hugged Luhan tightly. He kissed her head,"Go." 

Sumin nodded and fixed her face quickly with Hana's help. Then walked on stage. 

"I'm going to kick their Jina!" Sumin shouted loudly. "I'll do it for you!" Then she bowed deeply to the crowd as an apology for her language. 

"AISH!" You heard someone curse from a distance and you were sure it was Eunhyuk appa. You smiled and waited in anticipation for your best friend. When Sumin was fired up, she was unstoppable.

It went pitch black, suddenly the music started. The stage lights were focused on Sumin, the dancing queen had appeared. Sumin had a fierce look and she was bursting with confidence. A totally different appearance from her usual dorky-self. Sumin was determined to win.

Her body moved easily, like she was apart of the music. She was the music. Her moves were smooth and powerful. Strong and y. Dancing queen? More like dancing goddess. Sumin was born to dance. The crowd watched in awe.

"GO SUMIN!" You suddenly yelled as loud as you could. 

"WOOHOO! THAT'S MY GIRL~!" You could also hear Luhan beind the curtains. 

"MY BABY GIRL!" Donghae cried.

"I TAUGHT YOU WELL!" Eunhyuk was smirking. You could just feel it. 

"SUMINNIE!" Your mom screamed with glee. 

With all the encouragement, Sumin felt even more power. She felt good, energized. And then, she ended gracefully. You shot up from your seat and clapped loudly,"YES! YOU DID IT SUMIN!"

Sumin had a goofy smile on her face and she bowed deeply and she blew you a bunch of kisses. Luhan ran on stage and lifted her up high. Sumin squealed and waved to the crowd as Luhan carried her away happily,"HA! BEAT THAT JAZZ ACADEMY!"

You laughed and wiped the tear that fell from your eyes, proud of your best friend. You looked down at your parents and they nodded,"Go backstage." You smiled and ran. 

"Sumin!" You slammed into your best friend and hugged her,"You did it!" 

"Jinnie!" She cried and hugged you back. "Oh, it was amazing to be out there! Can't you just perform? It's such a good feeling to be in front of all those people!" 

"I could tell. I'm so proud of you!" You couldn't stop smiling and so you both just hugged each other with big grins on your faces. 

"We're all proud of you." Luhan cooed and gave Sumin a big smooch on the cheek. 

You stepped back, not wanting to get in their way. You then searched around for Lay, until your eyes met. You had a smaller smile on your lips and waved to him,"Yixing..."

Lay looked like he was in pain and you suddenly felt worried,"W-what's wrong?" The look in his eyes, it felt wrong. Distant. Then, Lay averted his eyes. You didn't and just watched him look so uncomfortable. 

"Hey! You guys are going next!" Hana announced to Exo. 

All 12 boys looked at each other and huddled up quickly. Lay brushed passed you and it suddenly felt cold. 

"We're going to beat Jazz. We won't lose!" Suho eyed all of them. 

Kris nodded,"We are one." 

"WE ARE ONE!" All 12 shouted and high fived each other. You three girls watched from the side. Sumin pulled Luhan into a hot kiss and Hana just pecked Sehun's cheek. You just wished Lay the best of luck. All you could do was watch. 

You decided to watch the boys from backstage with Hana and Sumin. All of them went to their places on stage. The performance started and you held your breath. You never thought you'd see all 12 of them together, dancing and singing together. You knew they were good, both groups seperately. However, they were better together. They were one. 

You three girls cheered like crazy as the boys were synchronized in movement. Teen Top was good, but Exo was the best to you. 

All of Exo was trying their hardest. Lay tried to focus on the competition, but his mind was too worked up. He stumbled and accidentally bumped into Kai. 

Most of the boys side-glanced at Lay and tried to cover up for him. Kai easily changed his moves to make it look like it was supposed to happen. He grabbed Lay's arm and pushed him away swiftly like an act. Lay moved along to it and spun away.

You covered your mouth and watched Lay. There were little murmmurs in the crowd. The judges caught the mistake, they had displeased expressions. Some of the judges just smiled, not minding the little mistake. 

Exo's performance ended with Kai being in the middle of the Exo. His chest pumping up and down to the beat of their song and that was it. They all bowed. Most of the crowd were standing up and clapping, screaming their names, just like you three girls. 

They exited and went backstage. 

"What happened out there?" Sumin pouted as she hugged Luhan, who was wiping some sweat from his head. Hana went to Sehun. 

"Sorry." Lay panted and bowed. 

"Dude, what were you thinking?! You're the one who was least likely to make a mistake! That wasn't you out there man." Kai shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Sorry." Lay just repeated. 

You touched his arm and felt him flinch at your touch. "You alright?"

Lay scoffed and looked at you,"Do you really think I'm alright right now?!" 

Your lips were in a straight line,"...I was just worried." 

"You shouldn't worry about me." Lay softly spoke, you could barely hear him. 

The rest of your friends just glanced at each other, not knowing what to do. No one spoke a word. 

"Third Place...Exo! From Seoul Fine Arts!"

Exo walked onto the stage happily claiming their award. Kris and Suho raised it together. 

"Second Place...Teen Top from Jazz Academy!"

Teen Top zoomed up to grab their trophy. They weren't happy they got second place, but they had smirks on their faces when they eyed Exo.

Lay was glaring at Niel, who just smirked. Lay looked away, defeated. You saw Lay's disappointed eyes and you just wanted to hug him and kiss him. 

"And the winner of the competition...Song Sumin! From Seoul Fine Arts!"

Your eyes widened and Hana screamed. "YOU WON~!"

Sumin gaped as she was pushed to the stage by you and Hana.

"Oh my God." Sumin muttered as the big trophy was placed in her hands. She suddenly lifted it in the air with both hands,"YES! I KICKED J- ACADEMY! WOO!" 

The judges from Jazz Academy had frowns on their faces while Seoul Fine Arts judges were just highly amused. 

Sumin glanced back at you and winked as if saying,'I did it for you.'

You just smiled, shaking your head, and gave her thumbs up as if saying,'You did it.'

After all the congrats and hugs to each other, you went to look for Lay. Your family was too busy with Sumin to notice your absence. 

He backstage by himself. The same disappointed expression on his face. 

"Yixing." You called out to him. 

Lay clenched his fists, still having his eyes on the floor,"What?"

"Are you ok-"

"No! I'm not okay!" Lay yelled angrily. His head snapped upwards and he was glaring at you. 

You flinched, since it was the first time he was actually yelling at you. You were scared. "I'm sorry you didn't win." 

"...it was my fault. I seriously can't do anything in life." Lay lowered his head. 

You frowned,"That's not true." 

"Yes, it is." 

"You're wrong. You are an amazing dancer. That's what you're good at. You can sing. Play the piano, the guitar. You can make me laugh and smile. You made me fall in love with you. You gave me courage and strength to believe in myself. You make me a better person-"

"No. I'll never be good enough for you, Jina. You deserve better than someone like me. I don't have a set future, you do. You're over there...and I'm over here." Lay croaked. He already had tears run down his face. 

"What are you saying?" You whimpered. "You're not supposed to say that! You're not supposed to do nothing! You said you'd fight! Why are you being such a coward?!" You yelled and hit his chest. 

"I'm not rich, Jina. I have no real power. I have nothing. I'm just a boy with multiple jobs to help provide for my mom and I. I don't belong with you." Lay met your gaze,"We don't belong with each other." 

"No! You can't say that! You're supposed to say we do belong with each other! You're lying right now!" You cried. Lay was starting to look blurry as tears were falling quickly down your face. "Stop lying! If you're going to say that, I'm going to say we do belong together! I'm willing to fight. I won't give up!" 

"Jina." Lay cupped your face,"Give up...cause I am." 

You wiped your tears and held his hands with yours,"No." 

"...I'm sorry." He whispered. 

"NO! TAKE THAT BACK!" You glared at him and kept hitting him. "Lay, please don't do this to me, I can't lose you." 

"I'm sorry, I can't fight for you if I have nothing." Lay felt like his breath was shortening. His world was tearing apart. And it hurt him to see you in pain. He hated being the reason you were in pain. 

"Please," you fell to your knees in front of him,"don't do this to me! I'm begging you!"

Lay covered his face,"I'm sorry."

"DON'T SAY SORRY. JUST SAY YOU LOVE ME AND YOU'LL FIGHT FOR ME!" you yelled and hit the ground with your palms. 

"I'll always love you." Lay breathed. "I just can't be with you." 

"Coward." you spat. You felt angry. You were the one feeling disappointed now. How could he give up so easily?!

"I am." he agreed.

You shook your head,"Lay, I seriously can't live without you." Tears hit the floor. "I love you. Isn't that enough for you to fight?"

Lay knelt down beside you, kissing your forehead softly,"Not in the world you live in, Jina. This is the end." Lay stood up.

"I'll never accept this." You looked him in the eyes. "I know you're just saying bull right now." 

Lay was surprised at your words,"Jina."

"I'll fight for the both of us if you won't." You wiped your eyes, yet tears still fell. "I won't be the coward anymore. I won't stand by and let them tell us we can't love one another." 

You stood up and sniffed,"It's not goodbye to us. It's see you later." You smiled and leaned in close to him, kissing him on the lips. Lay stood still. 

"We'll bend, but we won't break." You whispered to him then turned and walked away. Though you felt a surge of strength grow within you, it all disappeared once you left. You felt broken inside because of Lay's doubt and loss of faith. You didn't feel the same. His decision made you want to fight ten times harder for the both of you. You were never going to give up. 

Lay watched you leave, your back straight and strong with your head leveled up high. His shoulder sagged and he laid his head back with his eyes closed. He could still feel the touch of your lips on his. Did he want to give up? Hell no, but what choice did he have. None. But, after seeing the determination in your eyes, he felt hope. Maybe he didn't have to be the one fighting for the both of them. Maybe it could be the both of you trying your hardest. Maybe it was just you. 

well then....

i updated. finally

i hope this chapter made sense cause i think i just word vomitted. 

sorry for the delay. I had a big writers block. 

did you expect all of this?

i think not.

ugh, i've been missing out so much on exo and shizz.

gdi luhan is a brunette now. like you should have seen me when i first saw himm

*drooools* ;;

^(me) what luhan does to me.

anyway, hope you had a good holiday/xmas

happy new year too~

in the next chapter i'll put more detail into why lay suddenly felt that way.

-panda

(add me on twitter and ig ;D (msg me for my accounts~) i have tumblr too...hehehe) 

and yes, i incorporated kai's quote in the story => "I'd rather bend than break."

oooh kkamjong i'd rather you bend me, then break me...

kbye.

...