Minji’s POV

“But… but… I can… walk.” Seungho said.

“But Lucky, in this state, by the time you arrive at my place, you might not even be standing straight.” I said.

He shook his head, looking down.

“I’m not trying to force you. But you cannot remain like this forever, right?” I tried to reason.

“Not today.” He said softly.

“I think today is an excellent reason to give it a try.” I muttered.

“JUST NO!” He shouted.

I looked at him in shock.

“Sorry.” He apologized softly.

“No. I’m sorry. I was being a little too pushy and insensitive.” I smiled.

He bit his lower lip, looking at me.

“Let’s go take the stairs.” I said, linking arms with him.

He did not move when I walked. I turned to look at him, confused.

“Let’s… try.” He muttered.

“It’s fine, you know.” I said.

“I want to.” He said.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

He nodded, although he looked a little reluctant.

“But…” He said.

“But?” I asked.

“Would you… hold my hand?” He asked.

I laughed at his cute request.

“You know what, Lucky?” I said.

“What?” He asked.

“I’ll even hold your leg.” I squat down to hug his legs.

“Not like that!” He laughed.

“Alright, here.” I said, hugging his waist.

The moment the lift door opened, I could feel his body tremble.

“I’m here, darling.” I said, kissing him gently on his cheek.

“O… okay.” He in a deep breath.

I intertwined my fingers with his as I led him into the lift.

“Just close your eyes and it’ll be over.” I said, hugging him tightly.

Just as the lift door was about to close, he slammed the ‘Open’ button.

“I can’t! I can’t!” He was shaking badly.

A small part of me wanted to just drag him out and end his pain now, but a bigger part of me wanted to help him overcome his fear. I held the door open with my feet and hugged him tight, rubbing circles onto his back to calm him down.

“Darling, I’m here for you.” I said.

“No, no, no. The moment the door closes, images from that day appear and I just… I just can’t seem to calm myself. I can’t breathe properly. I know I should not be acting like that. But I don’t know why. I just can’t. I just… just can’t!” He spoke really quickly, almost hyperventilating.

“Okay, okay. Let’s get out.” I said, not wanting to add psychological stress on his already painful physical injuries.

“No. Just… let me calm down. I… I am sorry.” He said.

“Don’t be, love. Don’t be sorry. It takes time. It’s not going to just disappear; phobias. It’s okay, we can always try again next time when you’re feeling better. Come on.” I smiled, pulling him out.

***
“I’m a disappointment, aren’t I?” He broke the silence.

We were climbing the stairs in silence. Once in awhile, I would ask if he was feeling okay or if he needed to stop to take a break, and he would answer me not in words but in gestures.

“Disappointment?” I asked, turning to look at him.

I gestured him to sit down on the steps.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“I can’t even take the ing lift.” He muttered.

I put my arm over his shoulders, pulling him closer to me.

“Lucky, you know, I’m really glad you actually tried.” I said, rubbing his arm.

“But I failed. What’s the point?” He said.

“The point is that you actually tried. Steve Jobs failed countless times before Apple succeeded. All the great people in the world succeed because they tried, they failed and they never give up.” I said.

“I’m taking the lift, not trying to make a new lift.” He chuckled.

“I don’t care if you’re taking the lift or making a new lift, Lucky. My point here is that at least you tried, and I’m proud of you. Overcoming phobias is one of the toughest thing to do. Almost everyone has phobias, but not everyone bothers to try overcoming it. You took the first step and that’s enough for me.” I said.

“I just feel useless.” He said softly.

“Please don’t feel this way.” I said.

He looked up at me, smiling weakly.

“You know,” I said.

“I don’t know.” He said cheekily.

I rolled my eyes at him and poked him softly.

“Owww~ Sorry.” He pouted.

“I believe in failure.” I said.

“Why would anyone want to fail?” He asked.

“Like how scientists come up with new developments after they failed, I think people should be like that too.” I said.

“Eh?” He looked at me, confused.

“Perhaps my way of thinking is only applicable to myself, but I feel that if we never experienced failures in life, we’re as good as dead.” I said.

“So are you saying we should fail?” He asked.

“Not that we should deliberately let ourselves fail, but… I don’t know. Just… everyone needs to experience failure, be it major or minor, to actually grow up and appreciate what you have.” I said.

He frowned at me, still looking confuse.

“Okay, in simpler words, I feel that people have to fail before they will learn to appreciate what they have, before they will put in the effort. People who had it smooth all the way are lucky in the eyes of others, but unlucky in my eyes.” I said.

“Why?” He asked.

“Failing may be a waste of time, but on the way you learn a lot of stuff other people who had it easy don’t learn. It’s even more valuable, in my opinion. You know, like how people say if you take the route less travelled, you’ll see things that are less seen by others who take the obvious route.” I said.

“So is this why you’re always going to weird places on your bike?” He asked.

“I don’t mean it in literal sense, you know.” I laughed.

He laughed and nodded.

“So, you’re saying people should fail to learn?” He asked.

“No. I’m saying it is perfectly okay to fail, because only like this you’ll learn, and when you taste success, you’ll appreciate it much more than people who passed on first try.” I said.

He nodded.

“Then, have you failed?” He asked, looking at me like a curious boy.

I laughed aloud.

“More times than you can ever imagine.” I said as I stood up, helping him up as well.

Seungho’s POV

It has been quite a while since Minji and I knew each other. I thought I understood her inside out, but I realized all I understood about Minji was what she wanted me to understand about her. There is a much deeper her that I have yet to touch, and if she does not want me touching that part of her, I would never have the chance to.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She asked as we continued to climb up the stairs.

“I thought I know you well.” I said.

“You do know me well.” She said.

I shook my head.

“Each time you say something like how you said it just now, I feel like I don’t quite know you after all.” I said.

“Are you saying I’m two faced?” She asked.

“NO! Of course not!” I said.

“Just teasing you.” She giggled.

“I mean, every time I think I know you well enough, you’ll say or do something that make me realize ‘No, I don’t know Minji that well after all’.” I said.

“Sorry?” She said, more like asking than really apologizing.

“No. It’s a good thing actually.” I said.

 “In what sense?” She asked.

“In every sense. Like that, every day I would be learning something new about you. I would never think that I know you enough, because I do not. It keeps me wanting to know more about you.” I said.

“But if I don’t wish for you to know, you’ll never know, do you realize it?” She said, smirking slightly.

“I do.” I said softly.

“That’s why I secretly wish that you’ll let me in your heart, entirely.” I continued.

“We’ll see about that~” She chuckled.

“Please?” I pouted at her.

“Okay, because you said please and you’re cute.” She pinched my cheek lightly.

“Yay!” I punched my fist in the air, but regretted instantly when I felt a sharp pain under my ribs.

“Don’t do that!” She pulled my hand down, rubbing my ribs lightly.

“I was too excited.” I pouted.

“Idiot.” She laughed.

Minji’s POV

While he showered, I took out the ingredients I bought just now to cook.

“What are you making?” He asked when he came out of the bathroom.

“Food. You’re done? Go sit there, I’ll dress your wounds.” I said as I washed my hands.

“Where?” He asked.

“The room.” I said.

I went to get the first aid kit before going into the room. I was busy checking if I have everything needed to dress his wounds that I did not see him. I crashed into his back, shocking both myself and him.

“Why are you standing in the middle of the room like that!?” I exclaimed.

“I… I don’t know if it’s… okay to sit.” He muttered, pouting cutely.

“Haaa!? Sit down, lie down, roll around, I don’t care!”  I laughed.

He looked at me, but did not say anything.

He has been to my place countless times, but he hardly came into my room. Even if he did, it was just to grab something. Most of the times we would be outside. No wonder he was acting awkwardly.

“Come on, lie down!” I patted my mattress, gesturing him to come over.

He looked awkward as he sat down at the edge of my bed.

“Aye! Come closer!” I pulled him.

He let himself collapse onto my chest as he looked up at me, grinning.

“It’s really cute to see you awkward.” I kissed him on his lips.

He looked around my room as I dressed his wounds. They bashed him up so badly that he was bruise all over, but thankfully there were not much cuts.

“I’m going to murder them.” I muttered under my breath.

“What did you say?” He asked, looking like he genuinely did not hear what I said.

“I said you must be in a lot of pain.” I lied.

“Oh. I’m fine.” He grinned.

“Tell me if it hurts.” I said.

“Is that a guitar?” He asked, pointing to a black bag standing at the corner.

“Yes.” I said.

“You know how to play the guitar?” He asked.

“Sort of.” I said.

“Play it!” He said excitedly.

“No.” I said.

“Why?” He pouted.

“Because… I’m not good. Maybe next time, okay?” I said.

“Then can I use it?” He asked, excited again.

“Go ahead.” I said.

“Yay!” He got off the bed even before I could finish bandaging his cut.

“YAH!” I frowned when his action cause me to drop the roll of bandage.

“Opps~” He stuck out his tongue.

“Are you going to play me a song or what?” I asked.

“Sure!” He said.

Honestly, I was a little surprised by how willing he was. I thought he would refuse and make me plead for it or something like that.

I sat with legs crossed, waiting for him to start.

 

"When I look at you, my face gets red When I see you, my heart goes thump thump I talk with shyness, like a kid When I look at you, a smile appears without reason Like a fool, I keep doing that I think love came to me.” He started singing.

My eyes widened. I did not expect him to sing as well.

“You are the president of my heart Embroidering stars on my heart I’m Genie for you, girl You make me stop breathing Whatever you want Because I love you There is no reason for my love, you know.” He continued singing and smiling.

I was smiling widely too. Seungho has an amazing voice, I wonder if he knows.

“You are a darling You are more beautiful than the stars above in the night sky The shining thing deep inside my heart My own love light.” He sang while I fangirl-ed inside.

“I love you, darling Giving me light by my side whenever Every night I look at you and,  No matter how I look, you are still beautiful You are my love light.” He bend over to give me a soft peck on the tip of my nose.

I chuckled at his sudden action. He seemed amuse at the fact he managed to surprise me.

“When I see you I feel like I am up in the clouds It may be immature but I still feel this way I think love came to me.” He continued to sing.

“You are a darling You are more beautiful than the stars above in the night sky The shining one deep inside my heart My own love light I love you, darling Giving me light whenever I am by your side Every night I look at you and, No matter how I look, you are still beautiful You are my love light.” He sang seriously.

Then, he stopped playing out of a sudden. I looked at him, confused. He cupped my cheeks and stared into my eyes. He started singing without accompaniment.

“You are lovely You’re more dazzling than the sun up in the sky Lighting up the dark corners of my heart My own love light I love you, lovely Even when I close my eyes, I see you Looking at you like this You still blind me when I look You are my love light.” He sang.

If Seungho sounds fantastic with music accompaniment, Seungho sounds amazing without it. The way he sang while staring into my eyes, in that moment, as dramatic as it may sound, but I felt what it was like to experience fireworks all over in my head.

In that moment, all I could see was Seungho and it felt as thou as long as Seungho is in my life, as long as Seungho is holding onto me, everything will be fine, everything will be infinite. In that moment, it was like nothing else mattered but our love.

“So, am I cooler than Junhyung?” He asked.

“Is this even a question?” I asked back.

I pushed the guitar onto the floor. He looked startled. I smiled and circled my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me. I crashed my lips against his, kissing him. Just as I was about to let him put his weight onto my body, he turned us around without breaking the kiss so I would be on top of him.

I fell onto his chest by accident. I heard him winced in pain, but when I wanted to get up, he pulled me down, locking me in his arms.

“It’s alright.” He whispered in between the kiss.

We were engaged in a passionate kiss until the growling of his stomach broke us apart.

“Damn it.” I heard him curse under his breath.

“HAHAHAHA! Time to feed panpy!” I pat his stomach.

“Nooooo~ Kisseuuuuu~~” He pouted.

“Later. Feed panpy first.” I poked his lips.

He pouted, but followed me out anyway.

I watch him walked around my house while I prepared food for him. He was behaving like a restless five years old. He flipped magazines randomly, turn on and off the music player, tossed cushions around, buried himself under the carpet, walked in and out of the rooms, opened and closed the drawers, the cupboard doors, the fridge and even the main door, and eventually started playing with water as well as the broom.

“Lucky~” I called out finally.

“Yes?” He asked, back facing me, unrolling my roll of kitchen towel.

“Why are you so restless?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” He said.

“Go sit down, food will be ready soon.” I said.

He pouted and stomped to the living room. I laughed to myself at his sudden change in behaviour.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, following him out.

“Nothing.” He sighed as he lied face down on the carpet.

“You’re going to breathe in all the dust.” I smacked his .

I turned him over to face me.

“What’s wrong?” I cupped his cheeks.

“Nothing.” He muttered.

“Something is wrong. My panpy is suddenly behaving weirdly. Something is very, very wrong.” I said.

“WE WERE NOT DONE KISSING!” He said finally, looking really upset.

I laughed at his confession.

“Ever since I started calling you Lucky, you suddenly become extremely cute, do you know?” I said.

“I’ve always been cute.” He said proudly.

“Very, very cute.” I said, kissing him.

We stared into each other’s eyes as we broke apart for air.

“Happy now?” I asked.

He shook his head.

“Then what does Lucky want?” I asked.

“Part two later on.” He said.

I laughed and got up.

“Sit up! Food is ready.” I said as I headed back into the kitchen to bring out the food.

“Why is it covered?” He asked.

“It’s a surprise.” I said.

He raised his eyebrow at me.

“Open it.” I said.

“PANPY ROLLS!!!” I exclaimed as he opened the cover.

“WHAT IS THIS!? AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT MYSELF!?” He rolled on the floor, clutching onto his stomach as he laughed hard.

“I feel insulted.” I said, but not meaning it at all.

He looked at me and sat up.

“Sorry.” He said.

“Do you know how long I took to make this!?” I pointed at the panpy rolls.

“I don’t mean that it’s ugly or what! It’s just.. like I’m eating myself. You know~” He said, chewing on his arm.

“What are you doing!?” I asked.

“Eating myself.” He said.

I poked out the eye of one of the panpy roll.

“OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He shouted, covering his eye.

I was genuinely shocked I dropped my chopsticks.

“WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?” I snapped at him.

“You ate my eye.” He pouted.

“What!?” I yelled.

He pointed at the panpy roll with one eye missing and pouted at me.

“Oh.” I understood immediately.

“Sorry.” I said, putting back its eye.

“Ahh~ I can see now.” He blinked.

We left the panpy rolls and drank the soup instead. When I was done with my soup, he was still drinking his.

“ARE WE NEVER GOING TO EAT!?” I shouted.

I must have shocked him because he choked on the soup. He glared at me while I laughed.

“Don’t eat for all I care, but I’m going to eat.” I said, picking up my chopsticks.

While I ate, he made all sorts of ridiculous noises to signify how much pain ‘he’ was in.

“Shut up!” I got frustrated.

I shoved a piece of sushi into his mouth.

“Oh, it’s nice.” He said, chewing on ‘himself’.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yea. So damn good.” He said, eating another of ‘himself’.

I was unconsciously smiling as I watch him stuff his cheeks with food. Even if it was tiring and troublesome, I think I would be willing to cook all his meals for him just to see him eat so heartily.

***
“So… what is it about you that I don’t already know?” He asked suddenly as we lied in bed.

“Huh?” I looked at him.

“You said… you’ll let me into your heart entirely?” He bit his lower lip.

“Oh.” I laughed.

“You’ll know slowly.” I said, patting his chest lightly.

“Tell me something I don’t already know.” He insisted.

“You’re my first serious boyfriend.” I said.

His eyes widened.

“I know, I know. I’m like your one thousand three hundred and seventy seven ‘serious’ girlfriend.” I .

“Noooooooo~~~” He whined.

“But, really?” He looked surprised.

I nodded. He tried to hide his smile, but failed.

“Just smile! Or laugh! Or both! Whatever!” I laughed.

“What else?” He grinned.

“You said tell you something you don’t know. That means one thing only.” I said.

“Tell me some things I don’t know.” He said.

“Sleep and I’ll tell you next time.” I said, patting his chest.

He grabbed my hand and shook his head.

“Come on, tell me~” He asked like a little boy.

“I’m afraid to die.” I said.

His expression fell.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” I apologized.

“No. Don’t be sorry.” He hugged me.

“It’s okay to be afraid you know. I always thought you were invincible but now that I know you’re afraid of something, I can protect you from it without thinking that you may not need my help after all. ” He kissed my cheek.

“You can’t protect me from death.” I muttered.

“But I can be here with you.” He said.

“But I always need you.” I smiled.

“Really?” He asked.

“Of course. I intend to rely on you for the rest of my life.” I said.

“Be my guest.” He chuckled.

“Tell me more.” He said.

“One more, and promise me you’ll sleep?” I said.

“Okay, but unless it is valid enough.” He said.

“Making trades now?” I asked.

“Learnt them from you.” He stuck out his tongue at me.

“I love you.” I said, looking into his eyes.

“I know that.” He said.

“No.” I shook my head.

“You don’t know how much I love you. You don’t know how much I need you. It is more than you can imagine. It is more than what I show you. It is so much more I don’t know if my life is long enough to let you realize it fully.” I said.

He bit down on his jaw, and then flashed me a forced smile.

“It’ll be… long enough.” He said softly.

Before I could say anything else, he buried his face into my chest. It was an indication to not say anymore. He was breathing hard, as thou trying to fight back his tears or something of that sort. I caressed his back lightly until I heard soft snoring coming from him.

But Seungho, I am serious when I say I love and need you much more than you think I do. I am starting to fear that I may not live long enough to show you how much I love you and how important you are to me. 

***
Seungho: I’m a disappointment, aren’t I?

Minji: PANPY ROLLS!!! *gif credit to @drYang*

Seungho: Yea. So damn good.

Minji: You’re my first serious boyfriend.

Minji: Just smile! Or laugh! Or both! Whatever!

Panpy rolls! ^^