"Hey." I said to her when she went to our house. We fought a while ago and I really don't expect her to come. 

"Yah!" I said when she threw me her bag and lie down on my bed.

"Why are you here?" I asked her and she just looked at me. I can't read her expression. Instead of answering she kissed me. Kissed me sweetly not like those times we had before.

"I miss you, Am." She whispered in my ear and snuggled closer to me. Inhaling my scent as if she really missed me. I wonder if it's true cause I don't know what to believe in now. 

"You do?" I said quite teasingly. She just glared at me and go on with her phone. What's really going on? That's I dont know. I went outside my room to get some food.  Next thing I knew I saw her seeing through my iPad. I got it from her and hid it. I don't want her to see those stupid flirting messages that I have or even those near to chatting. She doesn't need to know. She doesn't have the right to know. Why? Because I'm merely a stupid friend of hers that's always here when she needs me. Yes, we were together for almost a year but decided to broke things off. At least for me. I knew she had someone new already. Maybe not a boyfriend but still someone new she likes so who am I to hold her back. I'm just a girl. She's a girl and I know she needs a guy not another girl like her. I told her it's fine to stay as friends. I'm willing to stay no matter how much it hurts me. Cause I'm stupidly and deeply in love with her. I am loving more each day when I'm not suppose to. 

"I love you Krys." I blurted out hugging her tight. At least I get to do this. Call me stupid or whatever but I will stay beside her even if it kills me. Even of I'm slowly dying because of it.

"I love you too Am." She said and kissed me. We cuddle up for a few hours. We made out. I kissed her hard and poured every thoughts and feelings I have for her. The feeling is overwhelming. It nearly swallowed me and killed me. I don't want to let go just yet. I still want to feel her so close to me. I might know when she'll be gone and I wont be able to see her again.

---

"My stupid uncle cheated on my mother's sister. Stupid right? You know what I don't get it. Why people cheat? Is it satisfying? How they can talk to the person that they cheated on as if nothing happened? It's really stupid. If they dont want that relationship anymore why stay? Why they need to lie?" I said out of the blue. 

"Waeyo? Have you been cheated?" I didnt answered her. I just looked at her. Trying to hide those pain I felt. 

"I just know how hard it is. Knowing that someone you love and trust cheated on you. It hurts. It can nearly kill you." I said with such bitterness.

"Let's go Am. I still need to find a dress for our Christmas party." She said and pulled me out of the bed. I pulled her instead and fell on top of me. I hugged her tight. Not wanting to let go.

"Just 10 minutes more." I said and pulled her closer. I need this. I want this warmth. I am longing for her even though she's with me. Maybe it is better this way. She really doesn't need me.

---

"Krys, is it okay that I will have an apprenticeship overseas?" I said while we're on the bus. She just looked at me with her usual straight face.

"How long?" She asked and I considered to lie but I didn't she'll know anyways so there's no point of lying.

"6 months." I answered shortly and she seems to be thinking for a while.

"3 months." She said and I looked at her in disbelief.

"Yah! It's for 6 months and I cant do anything about it." I said in a higher pitch.

"Well then I won't allow you. Take it or leave it. You are not allowed to leave me. Arasseo?" She said sternly. I decided to let it go. It wasn't worth the fight.

---

"Baby, you know what I'm excited about you passing the board exam. I'm sure you're going to top it." She said cheerfully as we take a stroll in the mall. 

"Er? What made you say so?" I said.

"I just know. You are smart and all. I know you can do that."

"Krys don't pressure me okay? I'm not that great. I might not even pass it." 

"Am. I believe in you okay? It's not like you're dumb. You are smart and I know you'll be successful." She said squeezing my hand tighter.

"Mianhae"

"Why?"

"I just think that I might not make you proud or I might disappoint you."

"I've always been proud of you baby. You know. You are the best llama in the whole world." She hugged me and I just smiled halfheartedly 

---

"I don't really want to disappoint you, Krys." I said while back hugging her.

"Why are you being like that Am? You never once disappointed me. You really exceed my expectations and I know no matter what you'll be successful." I just hang my head low.

"I...am studying and having training to have apprenticeship abroad Krys. Our school required it. Sorry." I said not wanting to lie anymore.

"Do you really want that?" She asked and I just nodded.

"Sorry." She blurted out and I gave her a questioning look.

"I just think you really don't want that. I just feel it's all because of me. That you want to run away from me." She said not trying to look at me.

"Eyy. I really want this okay? I decided and nobody told me to this except for myself. Dont be like that." I said and squeeze her hand for assurance.

"Then give me something to believe in."

"the pay is good and I can gain good experiences from it. I really wanted this." 

"I'm still not convinced. I always knew you wanted to stay here. Work in the government as a sanitary engineer and help people in need. Am, sorry I know its my fault. If things didn't happened I know you wont do that." I thought for awhile knowing partly of what she says is true. Yes I am trying to get away from her. From this madness I felt.

"Soojung dont be sad. You're a woman now. You really dont need this lowly servant of yours to do everything for you. You got a life of your own. Do whatever you want to do. There is no holding back. I wont hold you back anymore." I smiled widely trying to ease the tension.

"What about us? What will happen to us?" She asked and I smiled a bit before saying.

"You said that this wont make us go anywhere." You got your eyes wide opened.

"Sorry. I... I didn't mean..."

"Soojungie it's fine. I know what you said is true. This is nonsense so why worry right? Dont say sorry if you were happy with everything that you did." I smiled assuring you everything is fine. Yes it is. I'm hoping it'll be.

"Am. I know it's my fault. I'm sorry. If I should've just done better..."

"Krys, it's really okay. Things happened for a reason and this might lead us to better things. I'm glad I helped you through out the way. I'm happy to see you with a nice job and all. Oh look this your stop now." I said and looked at you. 

"Bye Soojung. Goodnight." I said but you pulled me crashing your lips to mine. 

"I love you, Josephine."

"Goodbye Jung Soojung." I said finally letting go. This is what's for the best. I am hoping all the best for you. There is no more reason to hold back and let you fly on your own and have my own life too. 

"I love you just like the first time I did princess." I muttered as I watched you fade away.