Series of heartbreaks but Im still here. I hate to see her cry but what can I do? She didnt even dare to look at me not even once. I have done everything to show her how I feel but I guess she is too dense to feel it. We are here in her apartment. Drinking. Well I am not really drinking, its more like I am just accompanying her.

She is broken. Definitely broken. I hate to see her cry but. Arghh. I am too coward to tell her my feelings. 

"Why Krys? Am I not worth it? Why do they always leave me?" She said. She's drunk. Like really really drunk. I am here just listening to every rant she is making. Stupidly crying inside because I know I can treat her better.

"Answer me! Am I not enough? Is it because I am not a guy?" She held my shoulder and I can see her desperation. She is now crying. Crying hard for someone who doesnt even know her worth.

"Krys! Are you even listening?! I am asking you. Answer me!" She's mad and hurting at the same time.

"What do you want me to say?" I said calmly

"Ohh. Alright. You dont care. How come I forgot? You are Krystal Jung the oh so perfect Dr. Jung. Every guy is after you and you are busy with your career that you dont even know whats happening to your bestfriend." She said quite accusing. How dare her? I have been all these years. Just watching her offer herself to every girl who will end up dumping here. I am here. I never leave her!

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you wont feel what I feel. Cause you are so damn perfect. You have everything. Your life is perfect." She said with a sad tone. No Amber. I dont. I dont have you but of course I didnt say that.

"I know how you feel."

"You do?!" She chuckled bitterly. Wae Amber? 

"Yes. Cause I dont have the person I love." It wont hurt if I give her a hint right? Beside she is already drunk. She wont remember anything.

"You love someone? Who is it? Is he handsome? Kind?" She bombarded me with questions.

"Yes."

"Yes to everything?" I nodded and she think for a while.

"Do I know him?"

"Yes."

"Is he one of our friends? How come dont know?"

"Cause you are busy with your gfs."

"Ex-gfs." She cleared it out. She asked some more and I end up drinking with her. The alcohol started to kick in.

"Amber how come you didnt notice me?" I asked her. I guess Im too drunk to care about whatever Im saying.

"I did notice you but Im too afraid to lose you." She smiled. She is more drunk than I am but a drunk person says whats inside the sober heart right? No. We were both drunk Im not hearing it right. I shook my head and let out a bitter laugh.

"You did? Hahaha funny llama. Do you think Im stupid? If you did you should have made your move."

"We have an amazing friendship Jung, I dont want to risk it. Im not like you. I am not good at taking risk. I dont-" I kissed her. 

"Did you jus-"

"You talk so much. Do you love me Liu?"

"I-I do." I kissed her again. This time with so much passion. We heated up and began undressing up. I know I might regret this but I dont want to miss the chance. We shared a beautiful night in each other arms.

I woke up at 5 am. She is still sleeping soundly. I took a look at her sleeping face. I was confused. Is it just because of the alcohol. Did we just allow ourselves to drown in lust last night? Probably. I carefully get up in the bed. Freshen up and prepare to leave. I kiss her one last time. Maybe its better this way. If she doesnt want to risk maybe its the right thing to do. 

---

After that night. I never contacted Amber and she did the same way. Maybe my speculations are right. We were just in the moment. No love is involved. The alcohol is the reason for the thing we shared.

I was cut in my thoughts by a nurse who just called me because the emergency room needs me. Oh yeah. I am a doctor. 

"Do you know the details of the person?" I ask her while we are running on our way,

"She got hit by a car. Unconscious and her blood pressure is dropping low."

The next thing I know makes me want to break down and cry. Its her. She's lying there. My love. My everything. 

"Check the vital signs." I shouted at the nurse. She is pretty beaten up. Bruises everywhere. I want to cry but I shouldnt. I am a doctor. I need to save her. I need to! We didnt even talked about  us. She needs to live. I didnt even say I love you. Dont die Liu!

We perform the defibrillation to Amber. Sending shocks to her almost not beating heart. The time I heard the long beeping sound I know its too late.

"Umma!!!!!" A little boy came to me running,

"What's wrong son?" I asked him.

"Noona is teasing me. She said I can never be like Appa cause I am a coward."

"Of course you'll be like him. Where's your Appa anyways?" I asked him and lifted him

"Looking for me?" A husky voice said to me and kissed me on the lips.

"Appa!" 

"Ohh. What happen to you buddy?" 

"Noona is teasing me." He began telling his Appa the story.

"Eunjung! Did you tease your brother again?"

"I am not." Eunjung pouted.

"Dont give me the pout. It wont work."

"But Appa-"

"No buts or else no more ice cream for you young lady. Go say sorry to your brother."

"Hmp. Sorry." My son is still hiding behind my better half. I know he is a nice kid so he forgives easily.

"Im sorry too noona. I wont be a coward anymore." He said 

"Alright. Go play with each other now. Later we are going to have ice cream." I said to them and they ran hand in hand.

"So I presume you are still reminiscing?"

"How'd you know?"

"You always space out when you do that."

"I do? How come I dont know?" I pouted. 

"Aigoo. My wife is trying to be cute. Hahaha"

"Wae? Im not cute for you?" I pretended to be angry then suddenly I felt hands on my waist.

"You arent. You are beautiful."

"Sweet talker."

"Stop reminiscing ok? Besides we are happy now."

"But-"

"No buts."

"I almost lost you that day,"

"You didnt right?" She smiled dorkily at me and kissed me on the lips. Oh yes. Amber didnt died. We are married for almost 5 years now. We got our children. We consult a fertility clinic and i bear them. They are one year apart and I am so happy to have my family now.

"I am glad that I got into that accident."

"Wae?" I looked at her confused

"Cause I wont have the courage to take the risk with you."

"Will you catch if i fall Amber?"

"Nahh." She said

"You wont?!"

"Yes. Cause I fall along with you." She is closing the gaps when

"Appa! Umma! Come on lets have some ice cream now." Aishhh these children but I am forever thankful to have them. Hurting is worth it because I still ended up with her. My love. My everything. My Amber.

hooooooooooo. Another one? As you see, not good? Sorrrryyyyyyyyy. I will try hard next time.