This will be for a month part 2

It is start of that one month but I already feel stupid for asking you that thing. I should not be holding you back. If you dont want me then fine, I should accept that whole heartedly. I should be stronger than I already am. 

I didnt replied on your text messages cause I know that will be nonsense. I decided to wait until friday. I want to fetch you but you are with your office mates and I cant do anything about it. I am letting you have fun. Besides I can see that you are happier and better off without me. 

There are some questions on my mind. 

Are you going to regret losing me?

Did you really love me?

What am I really to you?

I guess those questions will be left unanswered. 

I decided to see you to give those things that you gave me. I want to accompany you all throughout the day. For me I want to do those things we have done before. I want to feel the giddy feeling, the spark and everything that's still in me until now. 

We bought things or it is more like you bought things. I want to buy you something. I asked you if you want books or you want stuff toys. You want books so we went to a bookstore. You picked something and I paid for it. That will be probably my last stupid gift from me to you. Stupid? Yeah cause it came from a stupid person like me. 

I cant help but to feel sad. Knowing I am gonna leave everything behind after this. I showed you a picture of a girl that I am planning to like. Though I told you I already like that girl and probably asked her out. You said she's fine. I don't know if you are just your usual y self or if she really just okay. My friends told me she is really pretty. Should I believe in you or my friends? 

This is probably my last memory of you. My heart it beats faster when you are with me but I know it wont stop even if I lose you. I let you feel my heartbeat. Just this time. We are in a subway and you are holding my hand. I want to hold it forever but I know I cant do that. 

You might hate me for doing this but this is for my own good. So this will be my final letter to you.

Krystal Jung Soojung,

Heyyyyy!!! I know you might be thinking why are you receiving this stupid letter of mine. Ohhh. I just want to say I am finally setting you free. No more stupid favors from me babe. Yeah you heard that right. I can see that you are very happy without me and I don't want to be a stupid nuisance to your happiness. Here I am hoping for something more but there is nothing left for me. I know I know. You don't feel the same anymore. Heck. I don't even know if you ever felt something for me. You might not be experiencing stupid things I am going through right now like every song in the radio reminds me of you. Things that I'll see will remind me of you. Stupid brain for remembering those things. I don't want to say sorry anymore and its been my fault all this time so I practically know that you know that already know that. I have been saying sorry forever so this time lets spare the apologies. Just this time. Thanks for being my everything. Thanks for making the happiest Jung Soojung. Please do forget me. I know it wont be hard for you cause you hardly think of me these past few weeks or months or maybe you haven't thought of me at all. I care a lot about you. As in a lot. I am sorry for being a jerk. Thats all there is nothing left to say. I just want to tell you that I clearly remember the first time I held you soft hands and that time I really don't want to let go. Our first date for me. The time you almost spilled your ice cream on my white pants. October 31, 2010 when you first kiss me and I can hardly move and still shivering from shock. You tried to wake me up by kissing me more but it didn't work and it worsen my confusion. It was my first time french kissing thats why I don't know how to react. You were shock cause you thought I have been the aggressive type because I am player. To tell you honestly I am not. I have proved that to you right? For almost five years I have never looked at anyone the way I looked at you. I am sad right now. Really sad but soon I'll be over you. Don't lecture me about being happy okay? Cause I cant do that. At least not now. Goodbye Jung Soojung.

Amber "the hottest llama" Liu

P.S dont try to find me. Forget me. Act like we dont know each other. Thank you.