I was really thinking if you really loved me. I tried to think harder but I couldnt get any answer. Why do I feel so unsure? Is it because my love for you is greater? Is it my fault?

"Yoh bro, what are you thinking?" My friend Henry asked me. 

"Uhhh nothing." I said with a hint of uncertainty

Flashback

I was staring at my phone. Reading the texts you sent me. Breaking off everything between us. I was here lying on my bed. Thinking hard why on earth did you just do that? Am I not enough? Is there something missing? Oh yes. I forgot I am not a guy. You need a guy. A real guy not a trying hard one. 

From: Princess

Do you know why I am like this? Do you have any idea? A guy in the office is asking me out. He is making his moves for me to notice him. He is an ideal man Am but I rejected him. Why?! Cause I still love you. I ing love you and I still want to have you. Even though I know we cant be I chose to stay. Since week 1 he is already making his moves. Damn Amber. All I want is few texts from you. Few ing texts to show that you care!

From: Princess

What now?! Arent you saying something?! Fine! I am breaking up with you. I guess thats what you really want.

I decided to reply and send you my response.

To: Princess

I dont know what to say. Just do whatever you feel is right. I love you and sorry if I am not the ideal one for you. Believe me I tried but I dont want to hold you back babe. I love you princess. Be the happiest that you can be. 

My last text. I turned my phone off. I never heard anything from you. I dont want to think about you. I dont want to know anything about you. What I know is I am hurting. I cant breathe. I felt Im dying but it is better this way.

End of flashback

"Yoh! Bro! Are you sure you are ok?" Henry pulled me out of my trance and right here I am drinking in a bar. Drowning my heart on alcohol. Hoping that it well lessen the pain.

"I-I am."

"Its been a year. Still her?" I looked at him and he is just drinking his beer calmly.

"Am its been a year move on. You need to."

"But I-"

"Its all in the mind my friend. Soojung will not be happy if she sees you in that state. Constantly drowning yourself in alcohol. We cant do anything. She's gone."

Yes she's gone. She should have just told me. She should have just asked me to stay with her. She should have but I think its also my fault. I should have stayed by her side. Ask her whats wrong. Whats bothering her but I didnt. I let her die alone. Not knowing the pain I gave her before she left. 

All these regrets are nonsense when the girl I used to love and still love is already buried 6 feet under the ground.

It doesnt make sense at all. Sorry. Well bye. Imma take a break from writing. Prelim exam is at the door so Imma get ready but if I have time promise I will do something. Something nicer I guess. Something better.