I just thought that this will lessen the pain I am having. I love you. God knows how much I do. I was here in my room. I dont feel like moving. I was trying. Trying hard not to break down or worse try to kill myself. Maybe everyone think I am crazy but I am not. I am just hopelessly in love to someone who i thought wont leave me behind. Spare this paper heart of mine or maybe at least not talk about how nonsense and tiring to love someone like me.

I am afraid of myself. The things I will do once you leave me. Now you did but I dont know what to do. What do I do now? Left alone. Broken and cant stand up for myself. School is not helping either. I dont have much load of works to think of. I dont have the strength to move. To play hard and focus myself on something. I at least want to see your beautiful face just this last time. One last time I tell you. It hurts more than you know. So I am writing this letter for you.

Krystal Jung Soo Jung,

You have been my princess for many years now. I thought I can stand to be your friend after this crazy we went through. I dont have the right to rant because I am the one who broke it off. We were growing apart I know but can you please enlighten me why you gave up? Maybe it is really because I am tiring. Not worth it. Or stupid like you always call me. I can see you happy without me. You have gone more beautiful than ever. Trust me you did. Even though you dont believe every single compliment I gave you. I know you are hurt too but I need to say everything before I move away from you. Many what ifs are going through on my mind. You are right. I was the problem. My mind is the problem. I am broken because I just thought I am. I have gone through worse things. Where in that you cant understand? Just so you know I gave you everything. My love, loyalty and even the things I dont want to share but still I was considered as a non exerting effort character. Given that you cope up with everything but didnt you see that I did too. I am not asking you to listen in these rants but at least take a look of what happened. It is not just me right? I am sorry for everything. I am sorry if I am talking about the girls and pretending to be happy. Sorry for hoping too much and sorry for everything that you went through because of me. I am sorry that I cant be your friend. Your bestfriend like you wish. I just cant stand how much you are happy without the idea being with me cause I felt the opposite. This is stupid but you are te reason why I dream of the best and I want it to share with you. Now you are gone and there is no us. There is no reason for us to be together anymore. Call me selfish or whatever but please I really had a fragile heart that cant take people who left me behind. Sorry. I love you always and be the happiest.

Amber Josephine Liu

P.S dont try to find me. I am nowhere to be found in the same space you are. Dont hate me.