CHAPTER 103

 

Taeyang replied immediately and said “Andwae noona! You can’t do that! Jiyong will be so mad at me, I’m telling you.”

“I won’t let you be in trouble. Don’t worry Youngbae.”

“How could you say that I can’t be in trouble when you couldn’t do something anymore when he’s already mad at me?!” –LOL!

“I’ll take charge of everything. *looks straight to his eyes* Trust me!”

“But—”

“Please. I need to talk to him right now. As in, right now!......*wipes her tears*…… I need to.”

“……Uh…… Ah, alright then… I know it’s(diary) safe with you anyway. I trust you.”

“Thanks.”

“Noona.”

“Ne?” Her eyes have gone teary once again.

Taeyang stands up too and said “I’m sorry.”

“……… I don’t even know what to reply. But, thank you Youngbae for letting me know all this! If it’s not because of you, I’ll remain oblivious about all of these!”

“Ye. It’s okay.  I just think that you really deserve to know it.”

“Thank you so much. Ah, I don’t want to waste time right now. I need to go Youngbae!”

“Alright. Noona! Take care.”

 

Dara runs. When she’s far from him already, Taeyang said “Good luck noona… Good luck for the both of you.” –Aww. Tayang wishes for only what’s best for them. That’s GD’s true best friend!

 

Dara thought “Why? Jiyong!...... Why did you hide this all along? Why did you keep it all by yourself? Why didn’t I know that you’re suffering while I’m living a good life?! Why? How could you be so selfless?! Ahhh!! Jiyooooong~”

 

She runs faster, rides a cab to go directly to his house. Her heart was pounding and she was running out of breath. Even if she easily gets tired, she did run just for GD. She feels like she wants to talk to GD and hug him as comfort to everything he had gone through. She feels so much regret inside her and pity towards him.

Her heart is shouting for freedom, like it had its wings and its weariness has left. The heaviness she felt before was now gone. She listens to her heart and goes into the place where she could hear his voice and meet him once again. While she’s running, everything that Taeyang told him and the facts that she has read from his diary came back to her mind… it made her mind to shut in all those thoughts. Right now, she just wants to fast everything forward to the time when she finally sees GD.

 

The weather has gone colder. She is hugging herself inside the cab. She takes her phone out of her pocket and checked the weather update. She saw that it has reached the negative degrees. She remembered that the year was near to end, that’s why it’s cold. She thought “Omo! I forgot to bring a jacket! Ahh! Brrrr~ It’s like I’m in a refrigerator~ What to do? What to do? But this isn’t the time to back out! I have to go to Jiyong!!”

 

The road seemed to get shorter as she travels on the way to Jiyong’s house. She can’t precisely describe what she’s feeling right now. She wants to see him now not because of any vital reasons, but because she feels like… because her heart told her so. After few minutes, she arrived in front of his house. She hurriedly paid the taxi and goes out. The taxi just left and so she pressed the doorbell of Jiyong’s house. She waited for so long and she told herself that she won’t go unless someone comes out of their door.

 

Later on, the door finally opens. It alerted Dara. She immediately tried to see who it was.

 

The person came out……………. It was not GD.

She felt a little bit disappointed. It was not GD or his family members. It was his caretaker instead.

 

The caretaker asked her. “Ne? What can I do for you?”

Dara said “Is Jiyong here?”

“Ah, no, he left… lately.”

“Do you know where did he go?”

“I didn’t know. But I can just tell him anything that you need to.”

“No. I need to see him personally. This is important. Please tell me where he is.”

“I honestly didn’t know. He said he will be out for a moment. I didn’t know where he goes.”

“Didn’t you have any idea?”

“He’s not bringing anything. I only see him wearing ordinary clothes, without any bags with him, and he told me that he’ll just be leaving and going somewhere. He said he’ll come back later.”

“Did he at least bring his phone with him?”

“No. It’s here in the living room.”

“Aigoo! Alright. Thanks for the information anyway. *turns around*”

“Ne… *goes inside again*”
 

 

She said “Where could he possibly go? Waaaa!”

She doesn’t know where to go to find him. She can’t contact him because he left his phone in his house. She was nearly crying again but never close to giving up.

 

 

Background Music: Konayuki by Remioromen

 

 

She thought “Jiyong. I need to find you. Auhhh~~ It’s getting colder and colder!”

She stands still to think carefully of where she might possibly find him. Then she remembers the times when she’s looking for him anywhere and recalls the places that she goes to before, the places where GD is usually at. Those places were in YG’s recording studio, dance studio, his apartment and his house…. But she already went to those places now. Taeyang said that he’s not in their apartment so he might not be there now too. Dara did really want to see him so she double-checks. She calls any Big Bang member on phone to confirm if GD’s with them or not. The answer is negative, GD’s not with them. She called Bom next to ask if GD’s in the YG building and Bom said that she didn’t see her anywhere in YG. He’s not in all of the places where she could find him……

 

The sky gets darker. It was late in the afternoon already. She feels tired but she thinks that she was not in the position to give up. GD sacrificed enough for a long time for her so she thinks that it is not fair for her to give up just by finding him for the whole day. Then she realizes that there is one place that she forgot to go to…… that place is the only one left…..  the place where she commonly sees GD when she’s looking for him everywhere…

 

 

Their place…

 

 

 

The Han River….

 

 

Her eyes have widened. She said “Right! The Han River!! Ugh! Why did I forget that?! I need to go there as soon as possible!”

She quickly runs her way to the road and rides another cab, but this time, she’s going to the Han River. She wants to cry in excitement. She is expecting to see GD there but she thought that if she didn’t, she still won’t give up on finding him this day. She will never stop even if it rains or snows until she finds him. –Aww.

 

She feels like everything’s going fast, like she’s in a race, as her heart beats faster and her feet moving continuously. When the taxi is near the area of the Han River already, she keeps on looking at the window and trying to spot GD.

She thought “There was some little confusion between people wanting to get away and people trying to come in. But my heart seemed to think, or feel, that I had the right to be there, because he took the view of it. I have to be there.”

 

As she reached the main view for the Han River, she asked the taxi driver to pull over just right there. She paid again then goes out. She stands right at the place where the taxi left her and didn’t move. She stared at the river and her heart felt something different again.

It happens every time she’s near the Han River. She said “There’s something strange going on inside me… whenever I am around this place… It feels like something special is kept in this place… and it is speaking to me…… always…… always when I’m here……… it’s saying that he’s here…… and I can really feel it, I can never be wrong……… He’s here……….. He’s here.” –Waaaah! Go find him Dara!

 

It’s already 5 PM. The sun is covered by the clouds in the sky. The surroundings are dark and pale. She starts to walk around. Her feet are walking faster and faster like it’s moving through the beat of her heart. She badly wants to see GD. She keeps on looking left and right to see a sight of GD anywhere around the place. She didn’t mind the coldness of the afternoon because her mind was very focused on finding GD.

She walks for about 10 minutes. There are people around the place but only a few of them.

 

She stopped walking. She thought “There are only few people around… but why can’t I see him? …………… Isn’t he here? Why does my heart beats faster when I got here……… could it be a false predisposition of mine?.......... If he’s not here…. Then where could he be?”

 

She sighed loudly and was about to leave the place. But she made another turn as a final glance.

Suddenly, she was shocked. Her mind paused at a specific view.

 

She saw Jiyong, facing back, sitting on the grasses and looking at the river. She thought “That is Jiyong! I can’t be mistaken! I know what he looks like! I know his physique! That’s his back! That is him!”

He’s wearing a hoodie, lousy pants and a pair of training shoes. She wants to cry at that moment because she’s been looking for him almost half a day… she hasn’t seen him for a long time, and now she finally sees him. She felt a spark. She can’t believe she is living in this moment where she’s alone with GD. The moment is all hers to take.

She can’t take it just by staring at him. He looks so aloof but she really wants to go near him that’s why she didn’t hesitate anymore.

 

Therefore she sat gently beside him, leaving no words as if it were for her own good time and will. And presently the glance that watched her at a distance was in doubt. She began to flutter and to brighten, and to deepen into kindness then to beam with trust and love as she’s finally close to him now.

He’s staring at her. Down the hill, still she came, not expecting that Jiyong looked at her, having to conclude that he expects her for a while, or he at least told himself so to look at her.

Suddenly, at a sight of her… He’s in fear of seeming to be watching her unaware so he only looked at once. He saw the bloom upon her cheeks and the radiance of her eyes as she came to him gladly.

 

Dara smiled and said “Jiyong…… hello.”, funny it is that she had more things to say in her mind but only one word came out from , ‘hello’. Haha!

 

“Why are you here?” He whispered softly, as his eyes were settled by looking at her.

She thought “I have never heard so sweet sound that came from between his red lips. There he talked and gazed at me. Neither had I ever seen anything so beautiful as the large brown eyes intent upon me… with full of pity and wonder.”

And then, her nature’s has gone slow, and perhaps, for that matter, heavy like it couldn’t carry the clock’s foot to move another second. He wondered with his eyes then he showers his hair down to his forehead and his eyes to cover it. His jaded gaze to her was like an early star, it was never overly bright and not that hazy. Therefore she sits upright with her one hand leaning on the grasses and the other is hiding his diary on her other side. She was much afraid to speak to him because she’s being conscious of the tone of her voice.

He, for Jiyong’s part, never asked for anyone to come near him, not even his closest friends or his family, but seemed to be going on his own way, still peaceful, and well contented. That’s the reason why it gives a different feeling to her, a feeling that he doesn’t need her with him right now.

Yet, she attempts to talk to him. She can’t give up when she already got what she wanted and she’s already at the place where she wants to be so she replied…

 

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

He looked at her again. He said “Huh?”

She can’t keep on being casual in front of him so she decided to be up-front then said, “I knew it all.”

“What are you talking about?”

She suddenly shows the diary that she’s hiding to him. She said “This.”

He looks at her with bigger eyes. He said “Oh! That’s mine! Why? How did you have it with you?!”

“Taeyang lets me have this. He already told me everything Jiyong. I knew it all already.”

“What? Youngbae?” He chuckles like he finds it funny. He doesn’t believe that YB told it to Dara because he knows that YB is trustworthy in keeping secrets.

Dara said “I forced him to tell me everything. Please don’t be angry at him.”

“He couldn’t tell you everything. I know Youngbae. He’s not the type of person to tell anyone about it.”

“Then why do you think I have this?(diary)”

Jiyong failed to talk back because he thought that it might be true. He only lets Youngbae have his diary and no one else then now it’s with Dara so he thinks that YB really did give it to her.

Dara said “If you still don’t believe me… I’ll tell everything that he told me… After we broke up, J-ah told something to you… she admitted that she’s sick. After that, you did try to love me again when you’re in America… when we’re still connected. And when you came back to Korea, J-ah’s mom asked a favor to you, and that is to marry her before her life ends, you accepted it and that’s the reason why you became out of reach to us, to me… you didn’t want anyone to know what you’re going through… because you have to take care of J-ah first, then——”

“Stop.”

Dara did stop then looked at him. GD said “I believe you now.”

“Good. Now can you please explain to me everything?... because I’ve been dying to know!”

Jiyong looks at her eyes and watches her as she gathers her tears so it would not falter in her eyes.

He said “I think Youngbae has told enough to you. Everything he said was true.”

“………… How could you hide all that to me? Look at what has become of us!”

“Who knows? Maybe it’s meant to be like this.”

“It isn’t supposed to be like this!”

GD was staggered by her answer. He said “Ehhh?”

Dara said “Oh. I’m sorry to yell at you. It might be too awkward for you because we just talked for the first time again.” She tried to control herself now.

“Hm.”

“By the way…… I send my condolence to you.”

Jiyong slowly turns his head away from her and looks somewhere else. He said “Have you read what’s written in there?”

“In your diary? Yes… only the recent ones.”

“I guess you’ve known a lot from now.”

“Ye…”

“…Hehe… well…… it’s still hard for me right now because she was gone recently…… and forgetting seemed to be like erasing a stain in a cloth from the earliest meal you’ve taken… it’s difficult to wash it out because it’s been there for a long time already…… and even if the stain fades… you still can see it…… you know it’s still there…” He’s definitely referring to his experience with J-ah.

Dara feels sadder knowing his side and hearing it from Jiyong itself.

He said “I cannot go through all my thoughts, so as to make them clear to you… I have never dwelt on things, to shape a story of them. I forget all about it. I don’t know where the beginning of all of this was or where the middle ought to be, not even how I feel or think, or ought to think at the present time.”

“What exactly are you trying to say?”

“I forgot all the things that happened in my life… including those that happened to us. I tend not to think of them again and again because I know it will just hurt me. Now, I’m trying to be okay.”

“……Why are you doing it all by yourself? Why do you like on solving your problems alone?”

“If I look for help to those who are around me, who should tell me right and wrong, tell me to act older and much wiser…… I wouldn’t be here now. I might be somewhere far away from this place…. from this country.” –Awww. He’s saying that he could’ve escaped all his problems and lived a new life if he took other people’s advices.

Dara asked “Then why are you here?”

GD faced her and looked at her. He gazed at her again.

She looks at his eyes too because she wants to know the meaning of his gaze but she still tried to speak of other things while her tears are faltering now and then, and covering the vast space below her long eyelashes. Her eyes were boggy at that time. She feels like she wants to cry but with two reasons, happiness, because she is finally talking to him personally and the other one is pity, because she feels what GD has been through just by looking at his eyes.

Jiyong replied “I’m here because I think I should hold on to some things. There’s a part of me that says that I couldn’t just leave everything behind here.”

“What are those things?”

He answered directly, “Big Bang, my career, my friends, YG family, my fans and someone that doesn’t deserve me.”

“Someone that doesn’t deserve you?”

“Yes, because…… that someone, can never be mine again.” –Awww. He’s talking about her!

Dara was silenced for seconds, trying to engross what he said to her mind. Then she replies after getting the meaning of it. “But why are you here?”

“I already said my answer.”

“This is not what I came to know.” She whispered very softly. “You know what I came to ask.”

Jiyong gets what she’s trying to mean, that she wants to know why he is in the Han River, their special place, right now.

He said “If you came on purpose to ask anything… then why do you delay so?” He turned to her bravely, but she saw that his lips were trembling, like he’s about to cry.

She replied “I delay so long, because I fear that this may not happen, because my whole life hangs in balance of a single world together with a man that I used to know, I’m still unsure because what I have near me now may be a thousand worlds to me.”

As she spoke these words of passion in a low soft voice, he trembled more and more but he made no answer, neither yet looked up at her.

“I never thought this would happen, Jiyong… this was never in the outline of my everyday life since you’ve been gone.”

“I’m always here Dara… I always go here.”

“What?” She looks confused.

“Ever since we broke up… after we came back from America, I always go to this place, every afternoon… waiting for a chance to see you visit this once again……… I keep on waiting everyday… but you never came.” –Awww. Dara was then able to link things in her mind. She now understands why she saw him last time across the street and near the Han River. That time was also in the afternoon. It means, when she saw Jiyong that time, he was about to cross the road and go to the Han River and wait for her! He always goes in the Han River to wait for her but Dara doesn’t want to go there anymore because that place will just bring back all of their memories so she’s not coming back. They were living in an opposite principle.

GD said “The last time before this… I saw you… I thought it was the time for us…… because after almost a year, you showed up at last… but you’re with another man…” –Aw. =(

“Do you mean that for almost a year… you keep on coming here?......... daily?”

“Yes.” –Awww. He’s going there every day and faithfully waiting for her to come.

The tears she’s been trying to hold back in her eyes have fallen down. She cries. Jiyong saw her tears.

Dara said “I’m sorry if I let you do it over and over again… I tried to forget you that’s why I never came back here.”

“… Even after J-ah died… I still go here…… because I know a moment like this will come.”

“Why do you keep on waiting for me? Why didn’t you just call me and ask me to meet you here?”

“I can’t bother you with TOP…… besides, I’m the reason why you’re with him, right? I will just make your life worse if I enter again in the middle of your happiness with him. Also…… I keep on waiting, because I’m thinking that if we still feel the same thing towards each other, you will feel my heart’s desire and connect with it then you’ll go here……… but now, I think I didn’t fail to connect with your heart because you came… just not too soon.”

“You’re waiting here for me…. Even today?”

“Yes.”

“I never knew.”

“……You must be tired of this story, and the time I take to think about the past and the weakness of my telling, but my life from day to day shows so little variance. I don’t risk my own heart to anyone. I just don’t know if I can still do it now unless it would be for the woman whom I saved from dying.” –Aw! =(

She didn’t speak. She feels like she was there to listen to him and it requires more of her mind and heart.

Jiyong opens up, “I want to forgive you and come back to you……. If it were not for Jin-ah, I would have done it so long ago, but I cannot bear that she should die, with no gentle hand to comfort her, and I fear to think of the conflict, that must succeed through me making her feel loved until her last breath while the woman whom I really love will be marrying another man.”

Dara feels her heart aches as he said that. She imagined how GD stayed strong above all the problems thrown at him and it hurts her. He was a brave man after all. Not a tear was shed upon him when he tells the story, except from the sweetest of all sweet eyes.

 

 

Background Music: Up Soundtrack - Stuff We Did (You can play it on repeat)

 

 

He said “I remember the last time I went to her funeral… I stare at the ground where I know she lies within…. Put the flowers above her tomb…… then reminisce the times we had together…… the days when she fought for her life… I felt her presence, like she’s there beside me that time and watching me… as I cry in sadness…… I never did want her to see me cry in pain but I can’t help it…… I know by myself that she has been a big part in my life… she made me fall in love, made me laugh, made me happy, made me cry…. and even if she broke my heart… I know that the scar that she left will always be a memory… an experience for me to learn and do better things in the future… I cannot forget those times back in the days when we’re still together… her precious smiles……her sugary kisses… her wonderful scent… the way she laughs…… she cries…… the way she gets mad when we’re in quarrel… her innocent eyes……… her pure lips… everything about her. Until she had this sickness and that ‘everything’ changed… but her soul is still as innocent as ever… One day, she once asked me…. ‘Will you miss me when I die?’ …I couldn’t answer. I just don’t know what to say… I want to say ‘yes’ but I don’t want her to die so I’m in between… Then when she noticed that I was out of words, she said ‘If I died… I want you to miss me… but for not so long…… I want you to open your heart and come back to where you belong.’, I looked at her because what she said got me thinking that it was you then I saw her fainted smile… She said to me, ‘I know to whom your heart beats for…… I want you to never stop caring for her, just like how you cared at me in the remaining time of my life… love her all you can… and do the best things you should do just to have her back, okay? Promise me that.’………Therefore, I promised to her.”

He looked at Dara with teary eyes. “Though I’m not sure if I could keep that promise…… *stares at her eyes*…we’re far apart now…… it is way too impossible for us to be… I say what other people say was right, ‘you should never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours’.”

Dara is still not talking. So GD carries on…

 

“When I rushed to the hospital because she’s 50-50… I was informed by her mom that her day is near that’s why she asked for an earlier wedding for us… by thinking that I couldn’t have you back anymore, I agreed. We fixed our wedding while she’s fighting for the last week of her life. She didn’t know anything about our plans… we didn’t let her know about her condition because it will make her weaker once she thinks that she’s going to die soon…… I didn’t know that time if I could still measure the pity I had to her. Later on, she knew that we’re getting married soon. She became happier… and livelier than she used to be. I thought that it was the best solution to keep her alive so I never did regret my decision…… it was for her own good. Though we don’t know when the exact time God will take her… we still did everything we could do. Everything was planned already…… the night before our wedding day, I’m at the hospital with her… we’re talking about our past memories… because tomorrow, we know that it will be a different day to us… she will go out of the hospital and we’ll get married in her dream destination… But…………… I didn’t know… we didn’t expect that…… that night will be her last. In the morning, she never woke up… and her hands are cold. We’re supposed to get married……. But she died before we get to that. I cried so hard……. How could an incredible girl vanish in my life? That time, she’s the only one I got in my life…then I lost her. My world has turned empty and with no light. I lost everything, I thought. Until now… it still hurts me when I think about everything that happened in the past.”

 

Dara didn’t reply again. They had a long minute of silence…

 

She thought “Now while we sat, reflecting much, and talking a good deal more, in spite of all the cold, I remain still for I never was in a hurry to go when I had GD with me………………. For a little time, we lingered, neither wishing to move away, neither caring to look beyond the presence of the other, both alike so full of hope, and comfort, and true happiness………… if only the world would let us be.” –Aww.
 

GD didn’t say anything again too. It was quiet in their place. And so Dara thought “We should not be so quiet here, and safe from interruption.”

 

She tries to break the ice. She thinks of a way on how to express herself to him in the simplest way. For that reason, she holds his hands on the ground.

She’s in shame to turn away from him right now. But her hand holding his that seems to be entreating, found its way, as if by instinct, to her great protecting palms, to rest there.

 

GD felt her cold hands leaning on his left hand. He looked at her, wondering of why she did that.

Dara said “I’ll be here, Jiyong.”

He stares at her eyes, long enough to break the silence around as her heart beats a little bit faster.

GD looks away then looks back at her. He stares politely right on her eyes.

“…… I have loved you long and long, did you know that?” He pursued as if he’s being reckless now. Dara was very surprised to hear that from him now. She’s not expecting him to say those kinds of words.

He continued, “I love you, more than my tongue can tell or my heart can hold in silence. I have waited long and long, and though I am so far from you already… I can wait no longer, but you must have my answer….”

She thought “Omo! Jiyong still loves me! He loves me! I finally knew it!!”

Meanwhile she couldn’t answer, by being overcome with joy.

 

She grips to his hand tighter and stares back at him. She was touched to what he did. He insisted to say I first with courage.

“You have been very faithful, Jiyong.” She murmured. “I suppose I must reward you.”

She slowly comes closer to him and holds his head. GD has no idea about what she’s doing until Dara pulls his head through her gentle hands and placed it in her right chest and hugs it.

 

She said “I can feel your pain… I can feel your struggle…… A lot has happened already Jiyong… and we wasted a lot of time… the times that we should be happy with each other… and the times that we always take the risk to be together……… We missed a lot……… I guess it’s not too late for us to bring it all back.”

 

Jiyong’s head was leaning on her chest as he feels her heartbeat like she really wants him to listen to it.

Then he talked. “I wanted to love you again with all my heart and I think that it was useless now to leave it longer. But if it could be done at all, it could not be too quickly done…… I hope you can understand.”

Dara understands Jiyong’s situation. He couldn’t just forget what he has gone through. It was not easy to bring everything back and act like nothing happened because it already left scars in their hearts and his point is… it can never heal too fast… It takes time.

 

GD slowly tilts his head up to look at her face closely so Dara removes her arms around GD’s head.

GD said “Dara… You don’t know how thankful I am tonight… because you appeared in this place when I least expect you to. I’m very happy that at last God heard my prayer. You came…… I’m already okay with that… Though I would like to clear myself more to you… it’s not that I won’t love you again like the way I do before… it’s just…… I need space to look for myself and to find the broken pieces of my personality that I think I lost. When I encountered such rare things happening to someone or in my life, I always come to think that I have seen only a little of this world. I feel like I need to know more about what’s happening and the things I am obliged to do…………… And Dara, you already have someone… someone to marry and to be with you for the rest of your life…… I’m not here to go in between the two of you… I just want you know what I truly feel… I kept on waiting here long ago…… it’s just an apologetic situation that we just met at this moment when everything’s too late for us to work out already… *smiles*…… I feel sorry too… Now all I can say is, be happy with TOP…… You deserve him better and he deserves someone like you…”

“Then what is the reason why you’re still waiting here until now when you already knew that I’m engaged to TOP?”

“I want to tell you my true feelings… and I just feel like there’s something inside of me that’s telling me to keep on doing this.” –Awww.

“Why are we too late?”

“…Because we let time pass with both of us not doing something. We just let them do it to us, Dara.” –Aw! =( He’s certainly right!

“……. What do we have to do?”

“Live the moment you have. Live in the present. It’s never appropriate to live in the past or look too much on the future… We should jump out from our pasts and don’t rely on it. And we shouldn’t conclude our future for we don’t provide it, we only control it. And we can only control it, when we’re already living in it. So let’s just live it up. Let’s just live the same like this…… You with TOP…… Hehe…*smiles and prepares to stand up*… Nevertheless, I’d still continue on protecting you, in the most veiled way I can…” –Awww.

 

 

Background Music: The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice

 

 

And there he stands up, and offers his hand to her. He said “Stand up there. It’s getting colder.”

Without doubt, she grabs his hand reaching for hers and stands up too. She said “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome…. So…… I think I should go now. Thank you for taking the time of going here… and talking to me… I really appreciated it.”

“Jiyong………”

“Ye?”

“This is yours…. *gives him his diary*”

Jiyong stops and looks at her face while giving the notebook. Her face seemed so sad but there’s a smile hiding it. He gets his diary from her and said “Oh… thanks.”

He’s about to turn around and walk away when Dara said “Jiyong!”

 

“What?”

 

 

“Do you still love me?............ at this exact second?” –Awww. She’s asking if Jiyong still loves her up until this exact time.

 

 

Jiyong stares at her. He just can’t stop looking at her. He misses her face. He can’t take his eyes off her. Dara is also looking at his face attentively and never missing a bit of his movements.

Then Jiyong slowly smiles and his smile looks weak.

Dara thought “He looks good as ever… although…the expression in his face is noticeable… especially the sadness in his smile. The spark in his eyes was lost. I saw it from his look and it says like ‘everything is through with us’.”

He raises his left hand and said “I hope this makes sense……”

Dara was so touched for what she saw… Jiyong was still wearing their ring on his ring finger. It answers her question. She was not expecting that he still wears it until now.

She said “Are you wearing it every day?” Her eyes are filled with tears.

GD nods and said “I never wore this off even when I’m with Jin-ah. I always wear this after we go back here from America…… always Dara… always.” –Aww. =((

Her lips curled like she’s about to cry in a minute. Jiyong smiles at her and said “I will let you live happily with TOP from now on…… and I won’t interpose with the both of you… I would have to let you go now… I will let you marry TOP…… I won’t show myself again to you and just keep my peace alone… anyway, hehe… ‘till here…”

He walks away. Dara said “Jiyong… wait…”

GD stops and looks back at her. Dara opened but wasn’t able to say anything. She stutters “D-Don’t—”

She knows that it will be their last night and they should cherish every moment they have right now so she tries to stop him and think of ways to keep them together longer. The tears from her eyes have fallen.

Jiyong smiles and said “I have to, Dara.” then finally left. –Awwww. =((

 

This will be one of her unforgettable nights.

 

She gawks at him while he’s taking his steps away from her. She just looks at him as he goes… She can’t follow him even if she knows that it might be the last time she’ll see him because he said that he won’t show himself to her ever again for her to live happily with TOP. They should live their new lives without each other for it is what it is. If they’re meant to be, they will be. They could only wait for what will happen next to them… whether the future holds the two of them as being together…. or not.

She didn’t keep her eyes off his back even if he’s already far away. Then she cries when she remembered the last words he said.

She thought “Jiyong still wears our ring?” and she looked at her left hand after. She saw other ring on it and it was hers and TOP’s. She feels ashamed to everything. She regrets that how come she loves another man after him when he’s there, faithfully loving her.

She got hurt and for the reason of the pain, she loves another man. Maybe it’s supposed to be like this… Maybe they’re meant to be like this…

 

She cried and cried…… until she can’t feel her heart aching anymore.

After all was over, she strode across the moors very sadly, trying to keep the coldness away, by virtue of quick movement. Not a flake of snow had fallen yet, the world was caked and hard, with a dry brown land, the sky was banked with darkness and frowning though it’s very cold and her breath fogs in the air.

But later on, as she keeps on walking, due to predictions of the weather, it came true…… snows starts falling from the sky. She looks up and sees the snowflakes falling slowly to the ground. She pauses and catches a drop on her palm.

She thought “Snow powder does not rely on time... It has moved our hearts all along…… it was blown by the wind and we are chilled by it then we moved away…… It covered both our loneliness but we are walking to separate ways now…… This won’t do.” –Aww. =) She finds a deeper meaning from it.

 

She walks faster to go home before she gets frostbite.

 

GD, on the other side, while he was also walking his way to their apartment and the snow falls…

 

He stopped walking and looked up to the sky too. He looked back and thought of Dara. The snow makes him remember what happened lately, his first time seeing her after a long time. Then he felt the coldness of the weather as if the snow was really set to fall tonight to freeze their blazing hearts. They are now apart.

 

He looks down bit by bit. He steps back with one foot like it wants to go back to her but his other foot remains still. He’s torn if he should. He closed his eyes then sighed. He paused for 15 seconds, thinking about what to do next, if he should take a step back or move forward. He knows that when he steps backward, his past will keep on hunting him but when he moves forward, he will be leaving Dara forever because she will soon be married to TOP so it will be a goodbye for the two of them.

 

But then he walks… and opens his eyes. He thought “At this time of night, it first began… More than I can say, at least from my own knowledge, we’ll never be together again. We will go to bed soon after supper, being cold, and not inclined to talk.”

He felt his heart broke as he starts to think of the fact that there is a 0% for them to be together unless he’ll get her from TOP. But that is not his solution to solve his problem because if he does that, another fight will begin. That’s why he just deals to what is happening now and not to what will happen next although it hurts him to see himself turning his back from her now.

 

The wind passes him by as he was sadly at the same time. It struck him until he finally got back to Big Bang’s dorm. Then he reflects on it as he lies in bed, and thinks that they were acting foolishly all along. They split all because of lies and secrets they kept within themselves. Without it, they could’ve been better…..

 

He thinks while he’s lying in his bed, “Although it was the longest winter ever known in our parts, it never ceased us to freeze for a single night, and scarcely for a single day through that one leading feature of that long cold……. We were able to talk about it as much as we can………… We were buried in our pasts…… remaining frozen. Until the snow fell and blew us away from each other…… it was then a permanent winter for me that I will forever remember…”

 

Until someone knocked on his door…

 

Jiyong said “Who is it?”

“Hyung!”

“Ah, Seungri, come in.”

Seungri came in with a calm mood. Jiyong looked at him and said “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? With what?”

“With you?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“You’re not like that.”

“I’m like this. I’m normally like this. What are you saying?”

“You’re supposed to be hyperactive and……. annoying. *smiles*” –Hahaha!

“Aish. Focus on yourself first hyung. You’re also not like this!”

“Eh? Why? *chuckles* What am I?” He chuckles because Seungri’s acting like he knows him better than himself so he finds it a little bit ridiculous.

“I’ve been like this because of you! You’re not with us for so many months. You only visit us for like 4 times in a month and that only happens during album promotions! You’re not coming with us when we have hang outs! You’re not with us for about half a year then you’re here now, lying in your bed, being so relaxed, acting so strange and being sad?! Isn’t it bothersome?! It’s bothersome, right?!”

Jiyong rises from lying and sits. He said “Okay, so let’s clear this out. What do you want me to do, really?”

“I want you to go back to your old self! Just be… Jiyong!”

“What? Haha. This is me. What are you talking about? Hehe.”

“This is not you! You should be active, playing around with me, bullying me, fighting with me, making us laugh and everything! You’re not doing that anymore hyung. This is not you.” –Aww. The maknae noticed.

GD was speechless to what he said. He never knew that maknae observes him very well. Seungri said “When you came back to our dorm, you don’t know how happy I was to know that you’re finally back. I said to myself that, at last! A hyung that takes care of me very well, a hyung that always fights me… is already back and I can finally have fun! But then what? You came back here… completely opposite to what I’m expecting. You always act so cold… like you have so many problems. Hyung, if you have problems, you can tell me! Just be back with the way you used to be! Because I……… I…. I miss you hyung!” –Awww.

GD was so touched by hearing it from Seungri. He saw Seungri’s face. He looks so sincere and sad at the same time. He thought “There really are people who are truly concerned to me…”

He said “Cut it Seungri. If you cry again right now, I swear, I’m gonna cut your head this time.” –Hahaha! Seungri cried to him before because of the issue and so GD’s asking him not to do it again.

Seungri said “I just want to say that you’re not the same as who you are with Big Bang before. We want our leader back! We want you back! Please be okay soon and please don’t change again like this. Don’t give us problems anymore!”

“Alright. Just don’t cry. It’s too overrated… for you. Haha! And… did I ever say that it was supposed to be your problem? *smiling*”

“No, but it is my problem!” –Aww. =)

“…I didn’t know… I was a burden to you because of the way I act… I’m sorry. Now go out and sleep.” –Haha!

“I will… but please be back to the old you, okay?”

“Ye ye ye~”

“I’m looking forward to those changes!”

“Okay…”

“Sleep well, hyung.” –Aww.

Seungri stands up, goes out and closes the door. GD was left sitting on his bed.

 

He thought “I never thought I’m missing a big thing…… I did miss so many things…… I think now, I have to spend more time to the things that I think I lost time to... Yes, instead of thinking negative thoughts about what happened to me…. I have to deal with what I have right now, not with what I’ve lost.”

 

Therefore, the day after that, he starts spending his day together with the boys. The boys kind of feel awkward because GD changed his mood at a sudden. Hahaha! But Seungri is the happiest with it.

 

GD said “Big Bang! What do you want to eat for today? Let’s eat outside. I’ll pay the bills!”

Daesung said “Are you serious?! Sure let’s go!”

TOP said “I can add money for the payment!”

GD said “No hyung, I got it this time.”

“Alright. You said so.”

Seungri said “Alright!! So where are we going to eat? I feel like eating western foods!”

Taeyang said “I like to eat Korean cuisine!”

“Let’s go for Korean cuisine!” GD said.

Seungri said “What? But I like western foods!”

“Youngbae likes Korean foods.”

“Then why can’t you at least ask majority’s opinion?”

“TOP hyung, what do you want?”

TOP answered “Korean.”

“And… Daesung?”

“I’m sorry. But I like Korean foods too.”

GD said “See? Now, let’s go.” –Hahaha! It’s funny how he made a quick decision when all the three want Korean foods and only Seungri wants western foods for the reason that it’s “just Seungri”.  If YB wants the western food, GD might take it to consideration, but no, it’s Seungri, so. LOL

Seungri said “Aissssh. Hyung!! ……. *looks at him and smiles*… You’re back.”

GD looks at him too and said “I am.”

Daesung said “Okay, let’s go now! I know a restaurant with delicious Korean foods!”

GD replied “Really? Bring us there!”

“Okay!”

Taeyang said “I’ll drive!”

TOP said “Ahhhh~ I don’t know but I feel good right now.”

Everybody feels the same way so they just didn’t give a feedback to what TOP said and just keep going to their van. Haha! They are so happy that they’re going out as ‘five’ again, as ‘Big Bang’ and their moods are all bright so it makes it better. Eating together is very rare to them these days so this is a big deal for them. Aww. =)

 

A week goes on beautifully for them. In YG family, they are productive as ever. Everything is starting to go back to its places. GD is going back to his old self. He’s now happy, just like how he usually acts before, just like what he used to be. On the other hand, Dara’s mind was never free and empty after she met GD beside the river. She can’t get her acts and thoughts right. She always thinks of GD after that night.

“And since that day, I think of him, through all the rough storms of my life. Perhaps he liked my countenance, and indeed I know he did, because he said so afterwards although only at the time he has given up and at the time when it’s too late to let him know what made me talk to him that night…. To let him know that my heart has been shouting for him.” Dara thought.

 

Dara thinks that she loves GD again? Omo! Whenever they see each other inside the building, they can never deny that there’s an uneasy feeling. They can’t look at each other’s eyes. They can’t even speak a word to each other after what happened. That’s perhaps the only thing that didn’t go back to its place. What they have between them already changed. Whenever Dara looks at GD, she thinks, “How can he act like nothing happened even if he went through the hardest time of his life? After knowing what he’s gone through, he gives me a good example of patience and contentment, and it’s hard for me to imitate.”

 

Whenever Dara is having problems, she just thinks of GD so she could think that GD has endured more of hardships than her and that she couldn’t just give up easily like that. Dara and GD’s relationship right now is more likely ‘strangers’. They act like they didn’t know each other. GD is the one giving the limit between them two because he knows that Dara is already engaged to someone else and he respects that that’s why he doesn’t go near her anymore to keep distance. Dara is aware the reason why GD is doing it for it is what they talked about before. GD said that he won’t bother her anymore and he’ll be going away from her because he set her free. Though GD is treating her like a stranger, she still feels happy that at least they are seeing each other often. She thought she won’t see him anymore after his farewell to her but it’s the opposite that happens. Just when they’re setting a distance between them, it seems like fate is bringing them together more. It must have meant something too.

 

Just like this certain situation, while GD and Dara are staying away from each other, Se7en invited YG Family members to have dinner with him. He said he will treat them to his Yeolbong Chicken Restaurant as a celebration because he and Han Byul are already getting married soon. Even if he invited everyone, few were only available that day. Those are Seungri, Bom, CL, GD, Taeyang and Dara. That only means that GD and Dara will meet again!

 

At exactly 6 PM, GD was already at Se7en’s restaurant. Se7en saw him coming in and said “Hey! You’re early! Haha!”

“What do you mean I’m early? I’m just right on time! Haha!”

“Wow. You seem so excited. You’re acting like you’re more excited to get married than me huh.”

“Hahaha! I have no one to marry. I’m a lonely man~” He’s joking.

Se7en laughed. GD is smiling. Se7en said “Don’t worry. You’ll find your partner soon.”

“Aish. I hate you! I used to be like you before!”

“Hahaha! But?”

“M-Mwo? *laughs*”

Se7en is insulting GD. GD said “I’m totally fine, really. Don’t do that~”

Se7en laughed more. GD said “Alright. Where are they? Did you only invite me?” He’s just fooling around.

“What? Hahaha! Why would I only invite you? There must be something wrong with me if I did that.” –LOL!

“Oh so you’re saying you don’t need me here? *preparing to go out*”

“Ah-haha! Aniyo! Euhaha! They’re late.”

“I’m always early.”

“Fine! Hands off bro.” He raised his both hands like he’s surrendering.

“People should never be late. Time is precious. It matters.”

“Yeah. You really act professional! You can’t stand a day without doing anything eh? Aigoo~ Haha! You’re really the one.”

“Hahaha!”

He suddenly became serious then said “You’re never late because you think time is precious… but why is it that you’ve wasted so much time spending it with the wrong person? …….Now time has left you… and you’re living in the wrong world.” He’s talking about what happened to him recently. (It has something to do with Dara.)

Jiyong defends himself. “What are you saying? I’m living in the right way! How could you say that, hyung?”

“Nothing.”

“Aish. Now, that made me feel awkward~”

Se7en laughs again. But what he said really made sense.

 

15 minutes later, others who are invited came next to Se7en’s place. They are CL, Dara and Bom.

They greeted Se7en with bright smiles. They bowed to him and said “Annyeong” as they walk in his place.

GD said “Aish. Where are the others? Who are coming, hyung?”

“Only Seungri and Taeyang can make it tonight.”

“Really? Aish. Where are they as of now?~” He opens his phone and sends a message to them. He is now feeling uncomfortable since he’s the only invited guy who’s there and also because Dara is around and he has no one to talk to or to keep his attention to. Se7en said “Great. So we’re only waiting for two now.”

“I’ll call Youngbae.” GD said.

Se7en replied, “Alright.”

While he’s making the call to Taeyang, Dara was staring at him. He just can’t look at her because he doesn’t want to catch her staring at him. He doesn’t even want an eye contact with her.

Seconds later, Taeyang answered