Donghae’s POV

The Super Junior and I continued what was planned for the day. Together we went to the zoo, made memories, took lots of pictures, and had a good time. It was really a good day, guess it was because it started great…

I can’t believe it’s Dara who woke me up today. I have dreams of it happening but I didn’t expect that it really would. And soon.

It was perfect. I really felt happy and my heart was completely at ease. Now I really want to wake up to that scene every morning for the rest of my life.

I want the moment when I opened my eyes, I saw her looking fondly at me. And that it’s only me she’s seeing. I want that moment when she swept her hands to my hair, how it drove my heart crazy. I felt like pulling her in and embrace her tightly and lay there forever.

Last night, together with my difficulty in sleeping came my troubles about Dara’s crying. I admit, I thought about it a lot. Technically my friend mode was just a cover up, I was acting fine but deep inside I was greatly hurt.

And I know she has sensed that, that’s why she’s apologizing earlier. But I’m not really upset about the fact that she still cries about him, I was just wondering why she still does. And what will it take for her to stop thinking about him or how will my selfish wish be able to come true.

With that, I couldn't help not to think of a number of what if’s again.

What if she never moves on?

What if until the end, it’s GD all along?

What if this week is just a gift from the heaven as my final week with her?

What if my New Year’s wish is long done?

I only did just wish that this year I wish I’d get a chance with her…

Maybe that chance was just about becoming a close friend, and not more than that.

No… I’m just being pessimistic. I will not give up. I will not let her go.

UGGGHHH

Sometimes I really hate myself for thinking too much. For worrying too much. And for discouraging myself.

I'm beginning to get tired of it really.

Together with everything that's going on... I admit I'm a little exhausted…

The angst is slowly draining all of my energy

I want it to end soon.

But how? And when?

“I know what’s the problem…“

“Huh?” I woke up back to my senses and looks at the person who said those words.

“I know the problem why your relationship with Dara isn’t working well” Siwon says, taking a sip of his champagne and a seat near me.

We’re now on the cruise. The others are fishing, having a karaoke time and doing a photoshoot; Leaving Eunhyuk, Siwon and I alone in the lounge, enjoying some snacks and champagne.

“You’re too much of a nice guy…” He continued. “Doesn’t she always say she tends to fall in love with bad guys more?”

Well, yeah I read about that a couple of times in articles. And I somewhat believe it, it’s not that I’m saying GD is a bad guy, but look at how the things that happened between them, despite their quarrels, problems, Kiko… she still yearns for him.

I fear if that’s really what’s holding her back. Is it because I’m a nice guy? Is that it makes her see that I’m only a friend type? Does that what make me less attractive to her?

“So what do you suggest me of doing?”

“Try giving her a cold shoulder… Ignore her” Siwon continues. “She might woo you…”

“Ah mwoya, why would I do that?” it’s ridiculous. Why would I be mad at her? I thought. It would only make her feel bad and guilty, and it will eventually make me feel worse aswell.

“Try it! You never know!” they encouraged. “Act as if you’re mad at her, don’t you think she would be curious why then chase you around?”

“No. I won’t do that to trick her” I said. “Look. Dara and I are fine… You just don’t see it because it’s embarrassing when you’re all watching. But we’re doing well, I assure you.”

“Are you telling us that you two are doing great if it’s just the two of you?” Eunhyuk asks.

“Somehow yeah” I revealed.

“Then why don’t you guys go on a little trip together? Just the two of you?” Eunhyuk suggested, eating a platter of fruits. “Like in a remote island. That way it’s away from us, away from worries etc. It’s only you and her”

“Yeah right. Like that would ever happen…”

“Why not? All you have to do is ask for our help”

Help? What do they have in mind? Are they thinking of something like bringing us in a remote island alone?

I shook my head and waved my hands in disapproval, It’s too troublesome and risky. And what are the chances that CL would approve? And our manager. And Dara…

The two hisses in disappointment and sighs. “No wonder why your relationship doesn’t progress, you’re too safe”

“For once be a little intense, bold, and greedy please, and you’ll be surprise things are better”

I felt frustrated by their words. Indeed. If there's anyone who I can blame right now, it's me... Because it's me who chooses not to make a move. It's me who's letting the chances pass by without grabbing it. It's me who chooses to be and act as a friend.

It's me who's a scaredy cat, and was too safe.

The time that our trip finished and went back to the resort was around dinner time, we already had our meal on the cruise. And when we arrived, we heard that 2NE1 was having dinner in one of the cobanna restaurants near the beach side.

Despite having brunch with them earlier, these guys still won’t stop on wanting to spend time with them. Now I come to realize how much they really want to be close with them, well it’s the only time they get the chance to anyway after that number of years of being idols and promoting together.

Upon going there, the girls are having deserts ( ice cream ) to which made the guys crave for some too. They went to the table of desserts to grab their own, while I stayed at 2NE1’s table. Siwon sits next to Bom and starts a conversation with her.

“Aren’t you going to get your ice cream, oppa?” CL asks me.

“Nahh… I’m good thank you” I smiled with my hand resting on my stomach, indicating how I’ve already eaten a lot.

I tapped my hand on Minzy next and asks Dara’s where abouts.

Apparently, she wasn’t here.

“She’s at the back, getting some fresh air”

With CL looking at me I wore a crooked smile.

And excused myself.

* * * *

Normal POV

“Hmmm… You’re thinking again” Donghae said once he has reached the wooden deck where Dara is at. He walks quietly towards her.

 “Bet I can guess what it’s about”

“If you’re going to say Jiyong, then you’re wrong” Dara says, still looking down to the water below.

“Jiyong??? Ani...” he says – but yes he thinks it’s about GD – then he sighs. “My guess was you’re thinking how cold the water might be”

Dara looks at him weirdly while he stands and leans on the rai