~~~~~Your POV~~~~~

--------------One week before MP3 Initiation---------------

“You want me to do what?” Kris asked with his hands on his hips.

I put my hands on my hips, mocking Kris, “WE, as in ALPHA, want you to be the voice behind our fan initiation event.”

I can’t believe I have to ask him. Far out, he is making this difficult… I’m only doing this for Min Jung and our fans who apparently think I suit Kris. Thank God someone changed his minds.

Kris let out a sigh, “Fine, I’ll do it.”

Did he just sigh? Is this like some kind of tedious task for him? Is it wasting his time? I get he’s tired but so am I. It is 3 am in the morning and here I am, in a recording studio with a person I do not necessarily want to be with.

“You know what? Don’t worry about it,” I tried to hide my annoyed tone, “Sorry for wasting your time. You probably have to worry about your comeback anyways; you should be resting up while you are in Korea. Sorry.”

This oversensitivity is probably due to the stress. It is not easy being a leader, it is not just a title, it is a responsibility. I also have to catch up on schoolwork. I only have one more year left until I do my HSC (SATs equivalent) and I just feel like I have not spent enough time on studying.

Kris probably didn’t mean anything bad with that sigh… But before I apologise, I should get my head straight.

“Sorry, if you still want to be the voice, please read the script. I’m-I’m just going to go outside for like 20 minutes.”

I hastily put on my jacket and beanie before stepping out of the room. I rushed to the emergency stairs and covered my face. This is so embarrassing, why am I getting mad for no reason? I can’t even blame PMS, I am just overly sensitive. I am not cut out for this job; the members would have been better off if they picked Shin Ah or Sammy. Why is the fourth oldest the leader?

I stared up the ceiling and forced back my tears. This was meant to be a fun event for the fans but I am so concerned about it. I don’t want to fake a smile when I see them, I already lied my way into the group, I can’t lie about my emotions. I heard the door open and I couldn’t help but frown, no one sees me cry for sad reasons or any reason at all. I moved to the wall to let the person through but they sat down next to me. I could tell that it was Kris; I could tell it was him because his legs stretched over the next two steps. What does he mean? Is he going to try and talk about feelings? Try and get all deep and meaningful? No thanks. I don’t need that from a person who had decided to judge me without getting to know me.

“What? Are you not going to ask why I am here?” Kris asked.

“You’re the voice of Mary? Or you’re not going to do it? If you’re not, don’t worry about it, just say you did when people ask,” I said in a monotone voice.

I glanced over at him and he had a set of headphones with him as well as the script in his hand. I guess he decided to do it… I definitely got oversensitive, great, I guess it’s time to apologise.

“I am sorry I got mad at you for no good reason. I’ll take a breather first before I accuse you of not wanting to help out.”

Things remained still for a while before Kris put the headphones and script down. I saw that the script had little scribbles on them; he was making notes on how to say things.

“No excuses? Just an apology?”

I nodded my head as I straightened my back, “There is no excuse, I did the wrong thing. I acted before thinking. I am not going to argue that I was right when I wasn’t.”

“You do know that I must get at least 8 hours of sleep right?”

“So do I, I have chronic migraines.”

“And the fact that we are both up at 3 am in the morning tells you what?”

Damn it, he’s going to get all deep with this. I’m a Pisces, I give my emotions out too easily, I have to be careful.

“It means that you are willing to help out,” I answered.

Kris nodded his head, “It also means that we are doing our jobs. Do not get so caught up on stress. We are not on the same page with a lot of things but we are leaders, we are not the oldest in our groups, and we have a lot of responsibilities. The responsibilities would not have been handed to us if our members didn’t think that we could handle it.”

Responsibilities. I don’t think I have fulfilled any responsibilities with my family. I have not picked up their phone calls because I am so worried that if I hear their voices that I would miss them so much and cry, thinking that I should give this all away to come home to them. For three months, I have not picked up a single phone call, that is why I didn’t even know Mr Hellius passed away. Everyone has family living in Korea except me and I remembered that I had to go stay with Ji Hae for the Chuseok holidays. Not once did I make a phone call to parents or sister.

I cannot just keep these feelings inside me like this, I have to tell someone but I don’t want them to say or do anything about it.

I snapped out of my thoughts and noticed that I was staring at the headphones.

“Those headphones… they block out sound right?”

Kris nodded his head.

I grabbed my phone out of the pocket of my jacket and plugged in the headphones. I decided to entertain Kris and play a song on EXO-M’s debut album and my personal favourite, Angel.

I hesitated before saying anything, “Can… can you just sit here and not question what I do in the next 15 minutes?”

Kris nodded his head and this was a cue for me to put the headphones over his ears. I put the headphones over his ears but for some reason, I didn’t trust him so I picked up my phone and increased the volume.

“Argh!”

“Whoops! My bad!” I mouthed out to him.

I turned down the volume, “You know, since I need to get this off my chest, you are going to be my pillow. I am going to tell you everything that is on my chest. Luckily, you can’t hear anything so I’m just going to say anything and everything. Hopefully, you can’t read lips…”

I rested my chin on my hand, “I’m actually really stressed out lately… everything is great, don’t get me wrong! The members are amazing; I am not getting bullied, despite what the fanfics say, and the netizens have been kind on the group. I should be happy with that but for some reason; I just don’t want to disappoint the fans. I was and still am a fan of many idol groups so I know how hard it is to be a fan, constantly keeping them excited, making sure that the next comeback will be better than the other.”

I let out a relieved sigh before continuing, “I haven’t even been able to talk to my family in three months and I am on the verge of breaking down. I have never been so far away from them before... I never thought I would miss them so much. Ah… should have just stayed in Australia. Should have un-lied that lie before things got this serious. Oh, this brings me to my next point, something that keeps me up at night, this whole lying thing… It probably messed up your life the most. I mean, for some reason, the person who is countering my lies with black magic is only targeting you.”

I glanced over at Kris and he was staring straight at me, I sure hope he didn’t hear anything because he is looking at me with eyes of empathy and sympathy. I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I opened them again and saw him still staring at me, emotionless.

“From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry. When the day comes and we can be friends and you can understand more, I will… I will tell you.”

I cleared my throat and breathe out slowly, that felt really relaxing. Getting all that off my chest definitely help me clear my mind, I am… kind of grateful. I took off the headphones off Kris and he fixed up his hair.

“Thanks for that,” I smiled.

“Now can we get back to recording that script?”

“Um... yeah… yeah.”

Kris picked up the script and put his hand out. I handed him back the headphones as he stood up. As he turned around, I could see him smile a little bit. Maybe Kris isn’t that bad.

“You coming or not? If I don’t get up to your expectations, it’s not my fault.”

“I’m coming! I’m coming! Calm your farm.”

~~~~~End of your POV~~~~~