Kai woke up, feeling refreshed. Well, refreshed as far as his body was concerned. The rest of him felt like it had been mashed, beaten to a pulp and then reanimated just so he could enjoy the pain. Well, he was already a masochist, wasn’t he? He'd proven that today.

There was an animated chatter going on in the living room but inside his room, like a commentary on his life right now, everything was dark. He was glad, because he didn't feel like facing anyone right now. Or talking. Or doing anything else… even breathing. It just hurt so much…

He swallowed, wondering what would happen now. He'd deliberately provoked Luhan… well, he couldn't be expected to comfort the guy after having his own heart shattered, now could he? No, he had his own problems to deal with – like how the hell would he face Mei without completely breaking.

He blinked rapidly. The beast inside was waking too and howling its misery loudly – it rang inside his head and made it feel like it'd burst. He gripped his head, tightening his fingers in his hair, wanting the physical pain to distract him. It didn't work though.

     What's worse than seeing another guy kissing your mate? How about having his confession heartlessly pushed aside – or worse, not even acknowledged? Hmm, sounded painful? Well, try kissing her and find out she's not your mate after all…

They had it all wrong, didn't they? They'd thought – still did think – that it was the beast that claimed the mate when it was the other way around. The mate claimed the beast. Mei had chosen Luhan and there was nothing Kai could do about it.

Except hurt.

And wish he was dead.

And maybe take Luhan with him… except that would make Mei unhappy and his heart would have broken in vain.

The beast bared its teeth inside, growling at his weakness. He pushed it back – heck, he was an expert in pushing everything inside, wasn’t he? He didn't want anything to do with that damned beast anyway – hadn't asked for any of this. He'd just wanted to dance.

The beast growled again, taunting him for these thoughts. 'Shut up.' He spoke aloud, his voice barely a whisper. 'Just shut up and go away.'

The beast rose back again, trying to control him – he felt his eyes turn red, as the darkness lightened, his night vision enhancing. He struggled for a bit, his human side fighting against his beastly self – which just goes on to show how utterly twisted I am, he thought sarcastically – but eventually, he gave in. They were both parts of him and both were broken, aching and longing for something they could never have.  

The beast roared in triumph and took over. He teleported away, involuntarily and landed on his back. Outside the hostel. 'Seriously?' He muttered, feeling the push inside him – his beast, whining and whimpering, urging him to go to her and beg her to accept him.

'And you think I'm weak…' He muttered, feeling even more insane because, wouldn't you know it? He was talking to himself as a second person. Congratulations, Kai, for finally crossing over.

He looked up at the dorm, wondering if he could actually teleport inside her room. Well, he could of course but should he? It wasn't all that late, she would be awake. And there was the roommate to think about. He wandered alongside the road, feeling the gravel under his bare feet – someone had taken the trouble to undress him before putting him to bed – and turned when the building ended.

Now, he was standing at the back of the hostel. The road was empty, in disrepair and leading who knew where. Sounded familiar… oh yeah, that could also describe his life. Good to know. He walked along and for some silly reason, thought of the song.

'I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes but it's only me and I walk alone…'

Would've been nice to have someone along for the journey, he thought dejectedly. Just then, there was a sound – door opening and he glanced up, uninterested. Then felt a bolt of lightning pass through him.

Why? Why does she still do this to me? I know better now…

She was leaning against the terrace railing, looking up at the stars. He stopped in his tracks and watched her. The beast whimpered again, feeling the pain as much as he was.

He had the answer to his question now – he couldn’t. Couldn’t face her and pretend that everything was okay, couldn't see her with Luhan and pretend he was fine. There were only so many times he could break his heart willingly.

He teleported back, back into the comforting darkness of his room. The tears were coming now and he didn't stop them. There were also only so many times he could blink them away.

The door opened but he didn't look up, just turned his back to it. It closed, darkening the room again and there were footsteps. A gentle touch on his shoulder. Lay.

He tried to still his tears – he was uncomfortable being so open around anyone but D.O. – but Lay patted his head, ruffling his hair. There was something extremely soothing about it and Kai relaxed, felt his guard go down. He sniffled.

'It'll be alright.' Lay told him gently.

'Why?' He cried, not sure what he was asking. Why had it all started? Why it wasn’t him? Why did it hurt? Lay didn't reply but his touch got even gentler and Kai felt the beast reach out to him. It whined.

'You'll be alright but you need to accept...'

'I can't…'

'It doesn't have to be now.' The hand ruffling and smoothing his hair was making him sleepy. 'You'll get there in time.'

Kai mumbled something else but it was so comfortable here – no pain, no loud wailings of a heart torn apart, no torturous thoughts to bother him – pure, blissful silence.

He slept.

………………………

Lay smoothed his hair one last time before getting up, wiping his own tears. Kai's pain was breaking his heart.

Maybe Baekhyun was right and he should be more careful. But it was hard to see people he loved in pain. And Luhan had his mate but Kai…

The poor kid was messed up. His human side was so dominant, it had all but dissociated from the beast and it was messing him up even more. So, Lay had spent his newly regained energy into healing that rift to rejoin them. And in doing so, absorbed the hurt into himself; he couldn't take it away completely but he could make it less.

He stumbled out of the room, glad he still had the jam bottle because otherwise he would've collapsed.

'You really don't know when to stop, do you?' Baekhyun had found him again. He looked up at him from his crouching position on the floor, fingers loaded with jam. He it off before standing up and stumbling again.

'Ya seriously, we have enough problems without you getting sick, okay?' Baekhyun caught him, looked into his eyes – red pupils, tearful. He sighed. 'What now?'

'It's just so sad!!!' Lay sobbed into his shoulder, smearing jam over him. 'Why is it so sad??'

Baekhyun patted his back, hugging and walking him to their room.

'It's okay!' he muttered. 'It's okay…'

After some time, Lay backed off and was about to wipe his eyes with his strawberry flavored fingers. Baekhyun stopped him from further adding to the jam on his face and pushed him towards the washroom. 'Go wash your face and your hands. Make sure you get it out from under the nails. Go on!'

Lay walked dejectedly inside and started washing up, sighing heavily every now and then. Baekhyun took off his shirt and wondered if he should wash up as well – he was feeling sticky just looking at Lay's hands. He went to shower when Lay came out.

Lay sighed and picked the guitar that rested in his side of the room. He was feeling sad, so he started playing a sad tune, the tears flowing down his face profusely. He sighed, stopping to tune the guitar, then started singing mournfully.

My heart… it aches, each beat carrying the pain to every recess of my soul… I only wanted to be with you but you… you broke me, heart and soul…

………………....

A/N

I hope you guys understand the implication of Kai's condition - if continued, the break between the two parts of personality would lead to dissocaition and complete destruction of his personality which is more serious than it probably sounds - in simple words, he'd go insane... I'm sorry but there are times when Psychology gets the best of me :P haha, anyway... Kai :'( I still feel sorry for the what I did... sorry :/