CHAPTER 96

On the other hand…

While Big Bang is on their way to a bar…

GD talked, “I can’t come.”

They all looked at him. He was not looking at them. TOP said “Why?”

“I don’t want to do it tonight.”

Daesung said “But you agreed to us… why?”

“Just… *sigh* not now. I’m sorry. You can leave me here.”

Seungri said “Hyung, we can’t leave you.”

“If you all can’t leave me, then I’ll just leave.”

Taeyang said “Jiyong, you know we can’t do that now.”

“I can handle myself.”

“We will not leave you.” Taeyang said while looking at Jiyong’s eyes intensely.

Jiyong looked at him and said “I’m so sorry, just… all of you, just… go home and rest.”

TOP said “We can’t rest without you. We will not leave this place without you.”

Aww. Yes, true friends never leave a friend alone.

GD said “Your efforts are enough. Thank you for everything. I can really do this. I only need time alone… I need time with me and only myself. I hope you can give that.”

Big Bang members looked at each other. Their leader looks serious when he said that.

TOP said “But Se7en hyung told us not to leave you.”

“*faint smile*… Don’t worry. I won’t commit suicide or whatever just because of a girl… I have more things to do in life. Now, go home, please…”

TOP replied, “We trust you Jiyong! We love you! Don’t you ever do it, okay? Or else, we’ll be mad at you for the rest of our lives!”

“Yeah, yeah, just do it… go now.”

“Okay. We’ll just call you, alright? Don’t turn off your phone!”

“Yeah TOP hyung, I know… So… this is it…*stepping backwards*”

“What do you mean ‘this is it’?”

“This is it… Bye. *turns around*”

TOP shouts “Ya, Jiyong!”

GD looked back. He said “What?”

TOP said “Why are you saying goodbye?!”

“*smiles* Goodbye… like… bye, I have to leave you all because I’ll be spending my time alone? Why?”

“Just please stop saying those words like ‘This is it’ and ‘goodbye’, really! It’s not funny.”

“Alright…” He goes away.

TOP shouts again “You’ll be okay Jiyong! You’re strong!”

GD didn’t respond and he just kept on walking. They’re left at that place and they’re staring at him while he’s walking away.

When he’s already far away from them, Taeyang said “I need to come with him.”

They looked at Taeyang. Seungri said “Eh? He needs time alone, he said.”

“I need to be with him. Big Bang, go back home and I’ll go to GD.”

Daesung said “That’s a better idea. Please come home with him hyung.”

“I’ll assure that. Okay? Bye.” He hurriedly runs to chase after Jiyong.

TOP said “*sigh* This is an unforgettable night! It’s the most for Jiyong… why did it happen?”

Daesung said “What Dara noona did to GD hyung, really hurts! As guys, it is, right?”

Seungri said “Yes! Of course! Aish! I feel pity on Jiyong hyung. Walking out in the middle of proposal is the most painful thing a girl would do to a guy.”

TOP said “Jiyong always got rejected… From his past until now…… Aigoo. I’m afraid of his situation now.”

Daesung “I believe Taeyang hyung could comfort him well.”

Seungri said “Yeah, let’s just go home, like what they said.”

TOP said “Why don’t we just help the others in fixing the settings on the park?”

Seungri said “Good idea! I think they’re all still there too, so let’s go.”

They go back to the Banpo park. They informed them all of what happened and what’s the reason they went back there. They told them too where GD is and who is with him to make their mind at ease by thinking of him. They felt relaxed after knowing that he’s with someone at least.

-GD and Taeyang-

They’re walking.

Taeyang was already near him. He said “Jiyong!”

GD stopped. He looked and said “Youngbae? Why are you here? Didn’t I tell you all to go home?”

“I can’t leave you Jiyong.”

“I’m okay, man.”

“As much as I want to believe that, but no… I know you’re not okay right now.”

“Why are you really here?”

“I want to give you company. I’m your best friend, I should be here.”

GD doesn’t speak a word.

Taeyang said “Come on Jiyong, let’s go somewhere.”

They go to a peaceful street and sit on a bench together.

Taeyang said “It’s already late at night.”

GD was just stooping his head down.

“Jiyong, it will be okay for you…”

----SILENCE----

Jiyong finally spoke. “I got down on bended knee and proposed to the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and she said, “No,” that's basically the end of the relationship, right? I can't see a scenario where that wouldn't just be awkward.”

Taeyang looked at him as if he was surprised to the topic he opened up. Aww. GD finally releases his feelings and he opens it up to his closest friend, Taeyang.

A man can only share with the closest people in his life, one of them is his girlfriend, so when his girlfriend walks away from his life, he will lose someone to share, and he will feel very lonely even lonelier than a woman.

Taeyang said “But Jiyong… what about the 3 years that you had?”

“How am I supposed to go back to our relationship when she just said, “No,” to one of the most important questions a man could ever ask in life? I want her to be my wife… she just wants to be my girlfriend. Clearly, we have conflicting views on where our relationship is going. I’m ready, she’s not. We’re not equal. It just shows that I am the one who gives more love in our relationship. I’m the only one who wanted marriage.”

“Why don’t you talk about it with her first? I’m sure you can work it out with a simple talk.”

“We (Dara and him) both know what I asked and that she declined my offer for marriage, what's left to discuss? The ship in our relationship has sailed.”

“You’re saying you can’t retrieve it only because of one word, “no”?”

“Of course there are some circumstances where a woman's “no” could be acceptable, but for the relationship to continue afterwards there would have to be a lot of conversing and explaining. It's like being at a company for years, working your way up the ranks, only to learn that there's no way in hell you're going to progress any higher than the position you’re currently at, which leaves you with two options, one, is to remain satisfied in your current position,  two, is to move on, in your relationship. And I would choose the second option……There’s nothing left here for me.”

Taeyang decided not to talk anymore so GD could let all his feelings out without anyone opposing it. He also understands how it hurts for GD but he doesn’t know it very well because he’s not in the situation so he chose to stay quiet and just listen to everything that he’s saying.

GD said “It hurts so much...... I feel embarrassed too. I even got you all into my plans, just to make her say ‘Yes’… she said she appreciated all my efforts… but what did I get, a ‘No’? *scoffs* Oh, and she even walked away! Thanks! I appreciate it too!”

“Jiyong… maybe she has a reason.”

“She already told her reason. She said she can’t marry me because she’s not ready yet. If there are more reasons that she needs to tell, why did she walk out? She could’ve just told me first before doing that, or better if she didn’t walk out. In that way, I would clearly understand.”

“If she did that, is there a possibility that you’ll remain in your relationship after?”

“I don’t know.”

Taeyang didn’t reply again.

GD said “Yesterday… is a happy day for us… I didn’t expect today would be like this.” –Aww.

He smiles and said “I’ve tried so hard to make my proposal effective and successful for so many months. Why does it have to be like this?”

“Jiyong… can’t you just understand her again? Give her… one more chance.”

“I wanted to Youngbae… I am trying to… but it just hurts so much and I think I’m already being unfair to myself if I do that… I already gave her many chances before… there are moments(Dara and TOP’s affair) that I want to end it straight to her but still, I tried to understand her, even if it’s so much painful……I think this time, I have to think of myself too…”

He continued speaking, “How many times will I get my heart broken? How many times in my life? *fake laugh* Funny to hear, right? What a pathetic man I am!”

Taeyang doesn’t know what to do.

“Lately… I said I won’t kill myself just for a girl… I said I have more things to do in life… better things… I lied. I can end my life for her… because losing her feels like I have no more things to do in life……… She’s already my life…”

He became teary eyed. He said “I love her…… I love her…” –Awww.

“Even if I’m alive, I felt dead. I felt like I was not breathing anymore, like my heart stopped beating. This is the same feeling I felt before… this trauma will be stuck in my head forever.”

Taeyang felt sad for GD when he said that. Jiyong slowly looks up to the sky.

He laughed and said “Isn’t it great how life works on me? Wonderful!”

Background Music: Go Hae (Confession) by Lim Jae Bum

And a tear fell from his left eye…

Taeyang felt like he was going to cry too after seeing his best friend cry, so what he did to avoid it was not to look at his face. Aww.

Jiyong is still looking up in the sky like he was talking to God when he said “What is happening? ……. What should I do now?...... The world will blame me and they would think I’m crazy…….. Where are you?  Can you hear me?!.......... If you can then you must know what I’m going through! You must know my bleeding love!............ Forgive me if I’ve done anything wrong to deserve this…….. punish me, I’ll accept it!................Even if I know all of this was planned…… but her……just this one person………. Please… let me have her…..” –Awww. =( He knows God plans everything so he begs him to make Dara a part of His plans in his life.

“Because I can’t….... I can’t make it without her. *sobs*…… But if we were really not meant to be and we’re just for a mean time couple… if she’s just meant to be a component in my life……… I’ll try my very best to accept it… just let me know… please let me know… because it hurts right now… It hurts so much.” –Aw.

GD cries to YB but he wipes his tears right away.

YB taps GD’s back.

GD said “I can’t explain what I feel right now… I don’t know exactly how I feel… I don’t know how to feel anything……  People get what they want… I also got what I want in life, I got my dream job, I became what I want to be in life… but I don’t get the person I want to be with for the rest of my life… I don’t need anything by now… but her… only her. Why can’t He give it to me? That’s the main thing I want, the last thing to complete me…… I only want her… why can’t He just give her to me?” –Aww. =(

Taeyang said “Jiyong… God never sends a person in our life if they don’t have a purpose… and He won’t let things happen without a purpose too. Everything has it…”

“You mean, the purpose of Dara in my life, is for me to learn?”

“God knows.”

“That’s it? And then she’ll be gone? He just sent Dara into my life for me to learn and then He’ll take her away from me after?”

“Jiyong… there are things in our life that is waiting for acceptance… it is just lying behind us. When we’re ready to face it… when we’re ready to turn back… when we already accepted it…… things will get clearer… and then a brighter day goes ahead.”

GD cries again. He said “I still can’t accept it. I still can’t forgive her… my heart is not yet open for it…… it feels like bleeding now… I can’t.”

“There is no reason for you to hurry… There’s always a right time for everything…”

“I don’t know what I should do… I don’t know what to do now in life.”

“You don’t need to force yourself to anything now.”

“Youngbae… I need her.”

“If you really are meant to be… you will be.”

GD quietened.

Taeyang said “Jiyong… if you have overcome the fears from yesterday… you can also do it now and the days further on. You can do it.”

“……Ye.”

“Let’s go back now.”

“I’m not ready to go home yet.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know how to face everything back to normal.”

“Jiyong, everything will be back to normal, only if you see things straight in your life.”

GD didn’t respond again. What YB said puts him to realization.

Taeyang said “Come on… let’s go home, everybody’s worried about you. If they knew that you’re back in our dorm, they will feel okay too.”

“Youngbae… would you let me do one thing for tonight?”

“What is it?”

-At the Banpo park-

Some are getting the lights and balloons off the tree, some are fixing the table and some are returning the projector screen and the LCD to where GD gets it from. They were all clearing out the places.

Se7en goes away without anyone noticing. He calls Dara. At first, she’s not answering but after 4 missed calls, Dara finally answered her phone.

“Ne…”, with a gloomy voice.

“Dara-yah. I didn’t call to blame you, okay? I just want to talk to you.”

“Araesso.”

“Where are you?”

“I don’t know if I should tell you…”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to. I feel like you’re all mad at me.”

“Dara… I told you even before that I’m always willing to help you… if you need any advice… I’m here. Tell me… where are you?”

“Do you have someone with you?”

“I have no one with me.”

And Dara told him where she is right now… Se7en goes to the place she told him.

When he arrived… he saw Dara sitting and looking at the floor. Se7en sits beside Dara.

Dara noticed that someone sits beside her so she looked. She saw it was Se7en.

She said “Oh…”

Se7en said while he’s looking up, “*sigh*…I’m kind of wondering… why you answered ‘no’.”

Dara looked at him. She said “I don’t—I’m sorry…… is he mad?”

“I’m guessing… he is… very. He’s with Youngbae now… somewhere.”

“I hurt him…”

“Yes, did you know that he cried after you walked away?”

“He did?” She felt sad.

“*nods* In front of us…” –Aww.

“I feel sorry…” Her voice had gone shaky, like she was about to cry.

Se7en said “Dara… did you know that the treat that I’m talking about to you, was the dinner on the table lately… you’re supposed to eat it with him… and Minzy was supposed to take pictures of you two together… Youngbae and Gummy should sing while you’re both dancing in the center…… a lot of things should’ve happened… if you said ‘yes’ lately.”

She felt regret for what she did. She said “Are you blaming me?”

“I’m not blaming anyone. I’m not blaming you either. I just want you to know the real situation right now.”

“I want to punch myself a million times. We will never have a chance to be together again… right?”

“Let me paint this picture out for you to understand. As a man I'd say asking a woman for her hand in marriage is a big step and puts us in a vulnerable position. In a perfect world you’re supposed to say, “Yes,” so anything that veers off that plan is a major bruise to the male ego. That's not to say you should say, “Yes,” just because he asks. Still, most of us don't expect to hear, “No.” That's got to hurt but…… yeah, being married to someone that doesn't truly love you has got to hurt a heck of a lot more……Oh, but you… do you love him?”

“Yes. I love him.”

“Why did you say no?”

“I already mentioned it lately.”

“Because you’re not ready? You know, if you can see yourself marrying him, just not right away, then you have a lot of work to do to try and make him have that understanding.”

“I will try……… but what if this is the end for the both of us?”

“Do you think a relationship could possibly continue successfully after a rejected proposal?”

Dara can’t answer it.

She just said, “What's worse, a woman saying no or a woman saying yes only to give the ring back or divorce later?”

Se7en looked at Dara. He was a little bit surprised to hear that question from her. He said “Why did you ask that?”

“My parents’ history was like that… they had a divorce.”

“Is that the real reason why you rejected him?”

“There are many things in my mind… I’m just not yet ready for marriage.”

“Do you think Jiyong is not afraid of anything? He’s also not ready for it but he’s ready to face all his fears for you… he forgets everything in his mind because he loves you.”

“There are a lot of reasons in my mind, I am not yet settled for what he’s asking me.”

“What's a valid reason to say no to someone you love?”

-Aw. Everything Se7en says is a way of making Dara realizes what she had done.

Se7en keeps on talking…

“Would you understand if he, who got rejected decided to leave or break up with you? Let’s make this straight to the point…if you were the one rejected, what would you feel? Could you grow to appreciate the person's honesty or wish they had tried to make it work? What you had in mind right now as an answer, that’s exactly what he feels…….I'm sure he is deeply hurt right now... if you're not ready for marriage and he was then your relationship might not last anymore. If you really see yourself marrying him, then you should have said were just nervous…but don't think anything can fix that, not even an apology…... the damage is already done.”

Dara cries.

Se7en said “If you don't make it clear soon how you truly feel, you can kiss him goodbye.”

“Will it be too late for me if I talk to him?”

“I say it is, but you’ll never know until you try.”

“I hope it doesn’t end tonight…”

“GD’s condition is not a joke right now. You should know that. Like, what will happen to him now? His life is full of drama, you know that. Whatever your reason is, or reasons are… I’ll respect that. I just want you to realize how bad it could make to GD… it’s more than the most hurtful pain that a man would feel physically… because it had reached his feelings. The moment you said ‘no’, that will be the most unforgettable scene in a man’s life. He will always remember it for many years.”

“……” –She’s still crying.

“He loves you enough to get married and you turned him down. That's maybe one of the worst things you can do to a man. He will be thinking every day when he wakes up about what you did and that he needs to get over you and move on since you told him you don't want to marry him.”

“It was a surprise proposal. I was not prepared.”

“That is the best way to test what’s in the girl’s mind. If you’re ready and you really love him, you would say ‘yes’ but if a lot of things confused you that made you not ready for it, you would say ‘no’ and that only means that he loves you more than you do. You let your doubts eat the whole thing up in your heart. If you had doubts, it means your love isn’t strong enough. It’s hard enough when a man has to go out with his heart and take the ‘risk’ of proposing to someone that he loves. When he gets told ‘no’ in that sense, it’s like something died in him. Rejection hurts....I know I haven’t been there but I know it does not feel good at all. It destroys our self-esteem and confidence.”

“What should I do?”

“I think it’s best to let him go so that he can move on.”

Dara looks at him and said “No… no… I can’t.”

“Dara… even I felt disappointed with the fate of you two… but I think if you can’t let him go, you shouldn’t have said ‘no’ because on the first place, you know where that word would bring you both to. I know you have reasons… I can’t blame you because it’s your personal reason… I have nothing to do with that… but because you have your reasons… deal with them… not with GD. You chose that decision with your reasons and left him behind…… then live with it. I’m not trying to speak rude to you but you should know how it hurts for GD… it’s a cruel break up. It would hurt more for GD now that he got his heart broken again and with the same reason, rejection… I am also not saying that he’s right and you’re wrong… It’s no one’s fault. What I’m telling you here is the consequences you have to make because of your decision and what would the effects be to the both of you.”

Dara remains silent and she doesn’t speak her side anymore. She just cries in silence.

Se7en said “Go back to your dorm now… it’s already 10 PM.”

“I don’t know if I could face the members again. They might hate me.”

“If they are real friends, they would understand you. I believe that they are, so go home now.”

“Are you… mad at me too?”

“I’m not mad. I just felt upset to everything that happened tonight. It was not what everyone expected.”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay… you don’t have to be sorry Dara…*caressed her back* stop cryin