LAY’S REMINISCENCE (First Person Point of View)

I came from a family of four. I have an older sister, three years older than me. We lived in Changsha, Hunan in China which means I am a Chinese. I was given the name Yi Xing.

We were a happily family and I thought it would last like that in my younger years, but I was wrong. My father had acquired an incurable disease and was bedridden for months till we lost almost all of our savings. Nevertheless, mother tried to keep up with the expenses by having some jobs. For once, my sister and I thought we will be well again, but then while my father was rushed to the hospital, mother left with another man, leaving my sister wailing on the door as I stood frozen near her.

My young mind can’t grasp the idea about broken family. I just have the vague thought that mother left with her brother and that my sister cried because mother didn’t left her any money to spend. I was about seven that time.

We lived normally as we can. My sister had a job in my uncle’s grocery. He took us under his care as father was being treated in the hospital. My sister had me sent to school while she works on sustaining our daily needs.

But life proved to be so harsh that rumors circulated in the school that my sister is going out with other men every night. But then I was sure that she goes to sleep with me at our place inside the grocery into which Uncle graciously provided us. The rumors had me stopping going to school only to face my father’s death.

My sister is not in there during the burial. I cried, cried like it’s the end of my world. I lost every family member I had. It was only uncle who took care of me like I am his only son. During my elementary graduation, my sister came up to me after the ceremony, crying and begging for forgiveness. I was soft hearted that time that I forgave her. But that’s the last time I saw of her. Because that night, I saw her sneak out of the house and run away with a man I do not know.

My junior years were all about studies, and helping my Uncle in his grocery. I don’t have friends and I don’t intend to have one because I am scared that they will only leave me. I only have my Uncle with me. It was during that time when my Mother finally realized that she has a son.

It may be exaggerated but it looks like she cried a river when she saw me get inside the grocery shop from school. Her tears made my uniform wet in the shoulder as she keeps on repeating the word sorry. I was at a loss of words not until I finally realized that tears are falling down my eyes and that I am hugging her back. She stayed with us for a few days but then she left again with another man when Uncle left us to pick up some merchandise.

My Uncle asked me about her but I only gave him a blank expression. Twice did she leave me, just like my sister. I don’t understand why they did that. For that time, I realized that tears are women’s weapon to make every man’s heart forgive them. I warned myself for that time not to be fooled by tears easily.

One night, as I was going back to the shop after buying some medicine, I saw a woman getting dragged by a man in a nearby house. Curiosity kicked in that I find myself walking in there to help the woman only to freeze when I saw who it is. It was my mother, pulled in the hair and looks like she had been badly hurt. But I don’t understand why I did not rush to help her. She keeps on wailing, calling me, asking for help when the man pulling her looked at me.

“Are you her son?” the man glared at me.

I looked back at him, shaking my head making my mother wail again as the man pulls her by the hair again, finally pushing her on a nearby pile of trash. He pulled out a gun on his side, placed a silencer on it and shot her in the head, silencing anymore cries.

You may say I am so cold, cold that I just stood there watching her getting killed. But then, she was the one who made me like this. I kept the secret together with that man who gave me a bunch of cash before he left me, watching the lifeless body of the woman I once called mother.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Life made a turn when Uncle informed me about my admission into a prestigious academy which trains students to be spies and agents. The name of the academy, I’d rather not mention but it has branches all over the world; on the countries which were deemed to be well financially capable of sustaining the facilities of the academy. The main branch is in Paris.

It has accommodations that when I was about to enter the academy, my Uncle gave me a letter my mother wrote for me. He advised me to read it when I feel like reading it. After my farewell, the door of the academy secluded me into the outside world. I focused on finishing my training, studying and perfecting my trainings to earn an excellent award which I promised my Uncle.

This is where I met Lei Min, a Chinese lady who captured and warmed my cold heart. She was beautiful for me, in every sense that we got together after a month of courting. That was the best moments of my life, or so I thought.

Three months after, I would always catch her with a colleague of ours, both cuddling or acting sweet and all with each other. I did not believe it at first because she would always tell me, crying that she was forced by that guy. I loved her that much that I believed her, but her excuses were all the same on those countless times that I always catches them together. Till I heard it right in .

“But that Yi Xing of yours might get jealous or catch us again. I am tired of doing this,” I heard the man speak as I hid myself on the shelves of books in the library.

“You don’t have to worry. I will soon break up with him. It’s just nice to have a boyfriend who is deemed to be the most excellent student. And he always falls on my tears. Such a weakling,” she chuckled and I watched them devour each other.

That’s when I decided to interrupt their session. She was speechless when I cleared my throat, leaning on the shelves, holding a book which I pretended to be reading.

“So it is really true that women use tears to get a man’s heart eh, right Lei Min?” I looked at their flabbergasted faces.

Tears immediately welled in her eyes which made me smirk before speaking.

“You are just like the two of them, you stink,” I slowly move to get near them.

“And don’t shed those tears, they are useless already and they stink too,” I added and then walked past them.

The night before my graduation day, I decided to read the letter mother wrote for me. it was not the typical four pages letter full of regret. It’s just a one page which made me tremble as I read the last line of it.

Your dead father is not your real father. It was really your Uncle who is your real biological father.

It made me question who am I. it made me question how I came up into this world; how did my Uncle came up to be my real father and other more questions plagued my mind which did not put me at ease even when I was receiving my award for being the top student. I want to ask Uncle about it, but I decided not. But that night, he confessed.

My mother had an affair with him. He was ‘seduced’ as what he stated even when my deemed parents were married already. My father cannot give her a son so she made ways up to the point of having a one night affair with my Uncle, resulting me. That’s how twisted my life is. I left Uncle and decided to employ myself in Korea till I met Kris and the boys.

I closed my heart to the so called love and forgiveness. Tears are really deceiving that’s why I got devoid of emotions. I vowed not to get deceived by water drops which others deemed to be precious. Those are just drops of water falling down the eyes.

*END OF REMINISCENCE*

“Lay, are you okay?” Chanyeol asked as they turn on a curve. The cab stopped on the hospital.

“Why are we here?” Lay asked when he saw the building.

“You broke you ankle so we are here to give you some first aid measures from the epic fail of yours in trying to be a hero,” Chanyeol grinned an paid for the fair.

He guided him into the emergency room into which he was treated. Chanyeol called for Xiumin to ask for a lift home. It was after a few more minutes when Xiumin arrives and Chanyeol relayed the story which made Xiumin look at the patient.

“So, Lay really acted like a hero but failed eh?” he asked as Lay gave a sigh. It only means that Xiumin wants a detail recount of what really happened.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Hyoyeon collapsed on near the door of her apartment after closing it. Her knees gave way as tears flooded down her cheeks which she finds uncontrollable. Everything is a blur for her as his face flashes once more in her mind together with his words.

“Because you are a threat to my friends, and I plan to dispose any threat to anyone close to me.”

It made her question herself again as to what is her real worth to him. What that date could mean and moreover that kiss. It hurts, almost unbearable as she cries, clutching the pink bandana on her wrist.

Painful memories like those brief encounters they had; their talk in the bus, when he tended to her wound, when he asked her on their date and that date which ended with a kiss by the bus stop. It may be few, countable in the hands but those were the only memories which she can say that she felt being loved for real, felt the feeling of being owned like you are the only thing in the world but it all crashed into nothing after that incident.

His eyes devoid of emotions and his voice so clear that it shook her again into tears as she tries to stop the ache in her chest which made her breathless.

Only God knows how she managed to make it to the living room and fell asleep crying as she hugs the stuffed toy unicorn he won during their date.