Space. Time. And a lot of thinking.

Love is really hard to handle. There will be times wherein you just don’t know if you’re still walking on the right path, if the person beside you is still the one you wanted to walk with, and if you’re sure that what you’re feeling for that person is still true and strong.

In a relationship it’s not just taking care of that other person, loving and giving happiness to him/her, and making things work that we have to do for we also have to go through a lot of challenges that can make or break the relationship. We didn’t sign in just for Love but for the hardships as well.

What if you’re already done with all of it? What if you’re sick and tired of trying to win every challenge while doing everything and anything just to keep the relationship going?

Some people will choose to endure it that only a few succeeds, while some will take a step back and think. From thinking, they will come to this realization that they need a break, time and space to be able to evaluate themselves.

You see, it is really hard to keep some distance to the person you love but when it’s really needed, no matter how hard it is, no matter how painful it is, you have to give yourself your much needed time and space for it’s the only way for you to know if you’re still going to continue the relationship or give it up. You cannot decide with him/her by your side, sometimes you have to walk away from them for a while and see what life can be like without them.

Waking up with a heavy heart will really make you feel like crap.

Today, I’m going to Japan to meet up with Seunghyun and even though my heart is against what my mind told me to do, I don’t have a choice but to do it for I really don’t know where I stand right now.

In fact I dared to break up with him days ago over the phone but weren’t able to do so coz I’m not ready yet.

“Are you sure of this?” Oppa asked while helping me with my luggage.

I took a deep breath then nod “I am”

I’m already tearing up just by thinking of it, what more if I’m already in front of him?

“Rae” he gripped my shoulders then looked into my eyes “I know that you trust and listen to Halmeoni and Appa…but…you don’t have to do what they say…most especially when you don’t want to do it…where’s the girl that decides for herself? Where is my sister who fights for what she thinks is right?”

 The only person right now who is telling me to fight for love is Oppa. Actually, never have I expected Halmeoni to side Appa and Omma in this. I thought she’s going to be on my side all the way but I was wrong for she also wanted me to end my relationship with Seunghyun.

“I don’t know…maybe that girl died already” I said plainly then went inside the car.

Call me stupid, but I will not change my mind anymore. I know that I shouldn’t be listening to the people outside my relationship for they really don’t have a say on it but after hearing them out , I’ve realized that maybe it’s already time for me to think things through.

Sadly, after draining my brain and crying my eyes out, I came to this realization that it’s already time for me to give myself a break coz Love really got the best of me to the point that I don’t know who I am anymore.

I must admit, I’m the one to blame for how things turned out to be for I’m the root of all the mess. If not for me, Seunghyun and Jiyong will not fight each other and we’ll still stay as best friends who has each other’s back all the freakin time.

I screwed up but can still turn things around with hopes that it will bring the three of us peace already.

Emotional and nervous, I arrived at the hotel where Big Bang is staying. According to one of their staffs who fetch me at the airport, they are at the dome already, preparing for their concert tonight. I, on the other hand chose not to watch it coz I will not be able to enjoy anyway with my mind in a mess.

“Aigoo” I said upon seeing his open suitcase on the floor in a corner with a bouquet of flower on top of it.

He told their staffs to not get a separate room for me anymore coz he wants me to stay in his which I’m sure will not happen after I break up with him tonight.

“I’ll see you later. I love you” I read the note written on the card and break down.

My body felt heavy all of a sudden, making me fall to the floor. I leaned on the wall and curled into a ball with the card still in my hand. This is the first time that I ever cried so loud and I don’t care if people hear me. All I want is for the heaviness in my heart to lighten even just for a little bit.

Hours passed and I’m still in the room. A YG staff personally went to the hotel to check on me as said by Seunghyun to convince me to go to the dome and watch their show. Stubborn and not in the mood to even talk, I just said “No” and closed the door.

Alarmed, he called me minutes after that asking if I’m OK and lied telling him that I am. We weren’t able to talk much for the show’s about to start already.

“Hey” he wrapped his arm around my waist.

It seems like all the crying I did made me really tired for when I looked out the window, it’s already dark.

“You’re here” I