True friendships are difficult to create, to cultivate and to hold on to.

Nobody wants to be alone. All of us need someone or some people more than our family to be with us in this journey called life.

Finding a group or a person who jives and compliments your personality is totally difficult. Like love, it’s also a hit or miss thing, some will come our way but will not stay, some will stay but we’ll push away for valid reasons big or small.

Let’s face it, finding a true friend or friends is really hard. Establishing and developing one is complicated as well. There are times wherein we feel like we’re in the right group, with the right people and later realize that everything is wrong and we’ll end up burdening ourselves with the thought of how we’ll be able to get out and start anew.

Friendship is just like love. We have to be honest, loyal, trustworthy, understanding and loving to be able to have a lasting relationship. But unlike love, friendship is not that hard to manage, all we need is to know where to place ourselves, how to care for others and when to be sensitive.

We might lose some important people in our lives but we have to keep in mind that they might go back to us after some time or be replaced by someone who is much better and more complementing than the other.

“Don’t come running to me when gets hard…don’t you ever dare cry in front of me once you get hurt…and don’t you dare tell me about your pain coz I will not listen”

Hearing this from Seunghyun is really painful. I feel like someone just stabbed me straight into the heart, taking its life out completely.

To be honest, I’m guilty of what I did to him. He’s right, I’m stupid for getting into a relationship without even thinking twice, I should’ve asked his opinion first for I’m sure that he will not let me get into something that will throw me in a pool of misery in the end.

Shocked by what happened, all I was able to do is fall on the couch and cry my heart out. I know that my tears won’t do me any good but this is all I can do for now while I haven’t figured out what to do next.

“Rae” Jiyong crouched down in front of me then cupped my face “Stop crying”

As much as I want to listen to him, I can’t for I’m deeply hurt.

“Not even in my wildest dreams have I imagined that this will happen to Seunghyun and I…this is the first time that we ever exchanged hurtful words towards each other…what am I going to do now? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?” I asked, totally clueless.

Jiyong and I have to remember that we can’t let this fight last long for Seunghyun is our best friend, he’s one of us. Not only that, they are in one group together, they can’t be in ruins just because of me.

“Honestly…I don’t know what to do” he answered then wiped my tears with his thumbs “Maybe we should let Hyung cool down”

He has a point but knowing Seunghyun, he’s not the kind of person who can forget things easily and forgive. Yes, when it comes to me he always drops whatever I threw at him and forgives right away but this case is different because we’re talking about him being broken into pieces by us who he trusts and loves deeply.

“I feel like we’ve betrayed him” I told Jiyong, making him look at me weirdly.

“Don’t feel like that” he said.

I don’t know, but a part of me is saying that I really betrayed him for he’s the first to confess his love to me and I turned him down right away when all Jiyong did is to kiss me. I also feel like I lied to him because I’m so firm in saying that I don’t want to risk friendship over love and now here I am, risking it with someone who I’m not yet sure can stay long.

“Jiyong” I looked at him intently.

An hour passed by and I’m a bit calm already. I’m still crying but not as hard anymore. Jiyong on the other hand chose to work on some things in his album to get his head off the matter even jus for a while.

“Awhile ago” I dared to speak up.

He stopped whatever he’s doing and looked at me.

“When I told Seunghyun about our relationship…he said that I just made something monumentally stupid and that I just put myself in deep …what does that mean Jiyong? Why is he so mad about this?” I asked curiously.

I’m not that sure but from the way he looks, I can tell that he suddenly feel nervous. I wonder what’s causing it.

“hmm” he cleared his throat then faced me fully “Rae…wouldn’t you get mad once the man you love and is aware of your feelings told you that he’s in a relationship? Worse is…he’s with your close friend who he treats as his sibling”

“I will but…it’s just so strange because all these years Seunghyun knows so well that I’m willing to be in a relationship with you…that if you asked me to be your girl I will agree….and he’s all good with it…but for some reason now…things flipped and suddenly changed” I told him, lost and confused.

He sighed then wheeled the swivel chair near me “Words are nothing compared to reality…seeing it is much painful and hard than just hearing it….don’t worry about a thing…I’m so sure that Hyung will not last not talking and giving a damn on you”

It’s not that I’m doubting Jiyong but I have this strange feeling that maybe the reason why Seunghyun got angry is because he knows something that I’m clueless about and that he want to pull me out of it to not get hurt.

“Can I ask you a question?” I asked then looked straight into his eyes.

He gave out a smile then caressed my cheek “What is it?”

“What is your relationship with Siti now?”

Silence came right after. I was expecting him to answer fast but he’s startled upon hearing my question.

“Jiyong” I touched his shoulder, bringing him back to his senses.

“uhmm…Rae…look…” he grabbed my hands then kissed it.

I have a strong feeling that whatever he’ll say is something big.

“You might hate me for this…but…I’d rather be honest with you”

“Oh c’mon! Just spit it out!” I exclaimed impatiently.

He took a deep breath then exhaled heavily “The night that you confessed to me…I unconsciously made a decision that I really regret up until now…”

I think I already know where this talk is going.

“You’re in a relationship with her” I said, surprising him.

Stunned, he just stared at me with big eyes.

“Just t