The heart wants what the heart wants.

Is it possible to tell ourselves, especially our hearts to stop wanting somebody? Was it really hard to say no to what your heart tells you?

A heart symbolizes love. It comes with different colors that have different meanings. Red means LOVE as in, mad-deep-true-and-freakishly-wonderful love and the one with the shade of black means sad and miserable. Not only do they have colors, for they have different shapes as well. There are some that looks 3D, some are not perfectly shaped and of course we can’t miss out the broken ones. The zig-zag line in the middle of the heart doesn’t need any definition for all of us know what it means. But even if they come in different colors and shapes, all of them are still called a heart.  

Humans have hearts that doesn’t change color or shape or gets broken but we can feel them. Its beating can make us feel giddy or pain. There are even times wherein we feel like it skipped a beat that usually happens whenever we see someone we adore or love so much.

There’s also a saying that our hearts are the ones who looks and searches for that “destined somebody” for us.  It can be fooled sometimes but once it beats and wants somebody that no matter how hard you try to pull away from it, you’ll just end up feeling tired because your heart won’t even budge. It’ll be the most annoying brat or the -est of all es for it will not stop bugging you till you give what it wants. In times like this, there’s no other way but to follow it and give in.

Yes, we can’t say no to our hearts but we can always take time before doing some action. We’ll give what it wants but with intense preparation and conditioning so that once it fails us, our pain won’t be that strong and we can still easily stand up from the fall.

“You have to go with me!” Rae exclaimed.

Minutes ago she called me saying that she’s tripping on going somewhere to relax and breathe from her chaotic world. I don’t know what’s gotten into her but I find it so weird because she’s got a boyfriend already, shouldn’t he be the one accompanying her instead of me?

“Seriously Rae…what’s with the sudden craving for adventure?” I asked.

She chuckled “hmm…I just realized that it’s been a long time since we went somewhere far from the city...I don’t know…I guess I just want to spend some time in a peaceful place and not think of all the crap that’s in my head right now”

Why is that even if I’m itching to ask her why she’s bugging me to go with her instead of Jiyong, I can’t voice it out?

“What’s in that head of yours anyway?” I asked then took a sip of wine.

To be honest, I’m actually expecting her to be “problem free” now that she already got what she wants and is living her dream. But for some reason, she sounds like the heavy weight on her shoulders is doubled.

There’s silence on her end. I know that she’s still on the line for I can hear her favorite Adele song playing on the background.

“Ow they’re nothing!” she answered after a while then sighed heavily.

“Nothing….but just from the way you sound I can tell that it’s a big thing” I told her.

“Gosh…you really know me so freakin well” she said, making me smile.

Hearing this made me blush because even though she picked Jiyong over me, I can say that he doesn’t know most of what I know and that includes Rae as a whole for he wasn’t there for her all along.

“C’mon…just spit it out…what do we know…I might have the answer to some of the questions in your nut shell” I said, making her laugh.

She took a deep breath then exhaled heavily “Do you think Jiyong and Siti have really broken up already?”

I knew it. It’s been two days since Jiyong told her that he ended his relationship with Siti and up until now she still doubts him.

“I swear Seunghyunie….I tried to convince myself that he’s saying the truth and that I should believe him but….a part of me is holding back….I know that I shouldn’t doubt him for the most important thing in a relationship is trust…but….it’s just so hard to give it fully” she continued.

“I can understand where you’re coming from….yes…it’s really hard to give trust to a person who once broke it…but…give him a chance….maybe this time he’s already being true…after all…you don’t have a choice but to give him your hundred percent trust for without it or with only a half of it…your relationship won’t work the way you wanted it to be”

This is really shocking of me. I cannot believe that I’m bringing up Jiyong when I’m still fuming in anger because of what he did.

Alright, I admit, jealousy is also a reason as to why I’m mad at him. You can’t blame me for he was able to get the woman I love without putting any effort on it when here I am, swallowing my pride, doesn’t mind being embarrassed and giving my all just for her to look my way and accept me.

In the end, I was able to lift up some weight off Rae’s shoulder by enlightening her and somewhat assuring her that Jiyong is not lying to her. Also, she was able to convince me to go with her for an adventure to somewhere I don’t know.

Honestly, this “trip” is making me nervous for she’s not really good in planning at all and that more likely than not, it will turn out not the way she wanted it to be. Oh well, I don’t care about it anyway. What matters is that I’m with her and that alone is enough to make me happy.

Days passed and I’m slowly getting the rest that I want. My movie filming just ended a day ago and all I’m left now are some appearances on television shows and events. Yang Hyun Suk Sajangnim also permitted me to have a whole week off as requested by Ra