The only way to measure one’s joy is through one’s pain.

We live in a world that can be so cruel but ultimately wonderful. The life we’re living can sometimes be a nightmare but we’ll always wake up and face a new day, wishing to see the sun shine brightly. People come and go, we love, we hate, we fall and we stand and repeat.

Love is a challenge that has to be survived for so many times. It needs to be worked on for the rest of the journey but you know what? Our heartbreaks, the stabbing pain and the buckets of tears that we shed will eventually be replaced by another love, a smile and a contented heart.

It’s not true that once you’re miserable, you’ll forever be like it and will not be able to redeem yourself again. Always keep in mind that there’s no such thing as “Giving up” for the good things come after a long wait and hard work. 

I now believe, we really show respect to the fate we’ve been handed. I must admit, I go with the flow to the point that I just let myself be taken completely, protesting and complaining sometimes but I take all that has happened and I’m sure that I’ll be taking whatever will happen in the future with open arms and live the way I should live.

It’s been a year and a half since the sun shine so brightly for me coz before I’m always in the dark, not able to see the road ahead, the reason why I struggled and felt totally miserable. Before I thought that my life is totally bad, that I’m living in a world that I don’t ever want to be in, causing me to make mistakes and rebel, but after a lot of thinking, I’ve come to realize, my life is pretty interesting and my world has beautiful colors even before I saw it. If before I see the people around me very manipulative and dominating, now I can say that they just did what they have to do and that is to keep me on the smoothest path ever made and make me focus to achieve my goals.

“This sofa will go to the second floor” I instructed while watching the lifters carry furniture after furniture inside our new house.

Yes, our new house. It’s over a year in the making for Seunghyun and I really made sure that this will be the place where we’ll start a family, raise our children, grow old and die in. I must say, this is the biggest investment that we made for three large amounts of paychecks all went to this beautiful haven and believe it or not, we’re not in the city, still close to it though, but with a different feel.

Seunghyun is the one who chose the house –he kept it from me for six whole months – according to him this private residential area is great for couples who have chaotic lives, like us. Truth is, my life is not that chaotic and his too, but of course we cannot erase the fact that he’s still owned, partly, by the public and million pairs of eyes are still watching his every move. Anyway, when I saw the whole place I thought “This is exaggerated”, simply because three establishment buildings can be built on it. I swear, the moment he told me how many hectares of land he bought, I only heard the sound of a cash register “Ka-ching!” “Ka-ching!” “Ka-ching!”

“This is our dream house…why will I settle for the normal when I can go BIGGER?” this is what he said after I asked him why he purchased such a big land.

Eight bedrooms – master bedroom with a his and hers walk in closet and bath, four guest rooms and three nurseries – a huge living room with a high ceiling, another living room at the second floor, a fully equipped kitchen and a walk in freezer where I can store some of my bakery’s orders in, a dining room with a twenty seat dining table, an entertainment room that looks exactly like a cinema, a recording studio – of course, he got to have one – a playroom not for children but for adults, a “toy museum” – all of Seunghyun’s toys, large and small, are displayed – a wine cellar where different kinds of wines in all ages are kept, a huge backyard, a Zen type garden, an indoor infinity swimming pool, a tennis court and a huge parking lot. Wait. That’s not all! He’s got a detached bungalow type furniture showroom too. This house is so far from both our houses in the city and of course, my apartment in Nashville is nothing compared to this.

“We deserve this” he pulled me close to him and kissed my temple.

I stared at him with so much love in my eyes “Yes…we do”

Whenever I stare at my husband, I cannot help but to think of everything that we’ve been through. It actually tires me out whenever I think of all the things that have happened in the past and how we fight, fall, stand-up and succeeded each of them. Who would’ve thought that two best friends who are a lot like each other but so different as well will fall in love and end up together? Well, some people does, especially the ones who knew us right from the very beginning, but neither of us have seen this coming. Just think of it, I’m in-love with a different person. I go crazy over him and all Seunghyun do is listen and spazz with me even when deep inside him he’s hurting. And here he is, a guy who showed his love fully, gave his all and did everything just to be noticed is sadly being ignored. I must admit, I’m one numb person or I’m just too focused on Jiyong.

Anyway, all’s well that end’s well. We really come a long way, going through rocky roads and experienced overheats, but I guess what’s really destined for you is what you’ll get and nothing, not even another love or fear of having your friendship broken can stop it from happening.

“Aaahhh” I plopped myself on our bed. Its soft and comfy sheets can knock me off any time.

“Yaaa” Seunghyun sat beside me and held my hand that he started massaging after a while “Don’t tell me you’re sleepy again” he said.

I gave him a smile “Actually…I am”

He looked at me strangely “What’s happening to you? You started being restless and sleepy all of a sudden which is not you at all”

Here we go. Why do I have a feeling that he’s going to bring up pregnancy once again when we just did a test almost a month ago that frustrated both us badly for we’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year now and yet nothing is happening.

According to our doctor we’re both fine, I’m producing healthy eggs and he’s got healthy but stress is really getting the best of us, so our doctor recommended us to have some time off from work and just rest that of course didn’t happen and can’t seem to happen for we’re both so occupied with our jobs that we’re already lucky to have even just a week off.

Up until now Seunghyun and the rest of Big Bang, except for Seungri who is still serving in the military, are in the group and is making waves not only in Asia but the whole world as well. In fact, Taeyang and Jiyong recently won international awards from Europe while Seunghyun or shall I say, T.O.P, has been bagging acting and some music awards as well, Daesung who just got out of the military is doing variety shows and is getting ready for his solo upcoming album by the end of the year. All in all, the boys are still soaring high and are continuously being loved and appreciated by many.

“Seunghyun!” I called out while baking some cupcakes for our first ever dinner in this house.

Stupi