Feelings will fade if you do your best to not feed into fantasy.

They say that once in a while we have to live in fantasy to be able to relax ourselves and breathe from reality, but it seems like in love, it’s always living in fantasy land and never going back to reality even if it’s already haunting you.

Most of us people live in our heads while some just go with the flow without thinking of what might come, what might a certain deed result to or what’s waiting next for them.

I can say that I live inside my head most of the time and it’s filled with so many things and love takes a huge part of it.

I don’t know, but every day I have this renewed hope that one day, she’s going to love me the way I love her and that I’ll be given a chance to take care of her in another level. I count this as one of the many fantasies I have in mind.

Yes, I have her with me, I take care of her and give her everything I can give and got but I feel like it’s not enough. She needs love more than anyone I know because she’s been broken by someone for so many times that I can’t even count it with my fingers.

The fantasy of having her not as a best friend or a sister is a little impossible for she already made it clear to me that she will not risk our friendship and the “perfect” relationship that we have.

Thing is, when your feelings are too strong, no matter how you stop from “fantasizing”, you will still end up hoping that something good will happen, that all the sweet and beautiful scenarios in your head will be reality, or maybe it’ll really fade, but it will leave a huge mark on your heart that will hurt and sting once in a while.

Thank goodness she didn’t leave the country.

The day’s coming to an end and it’s been so crazy for Rae is “runaway”. She’s one insane person for she decided on something major without even thinking twice.

Well yeah, I know about her plan of cutting connections with Jiyong but I’m not expecting her to do it for I already talked her out of it and even made her promise to not ever even dare to do such thing, but I think she lost a screw in her head again, making her decide stupidly and dumbly.

In all fairness to Jiyong, he really got shaken by her message and went insane because of it. To be honest, I’m not expecting him to be that scared to lose her for all I know is that Rae is just a friend who he pushes away and tugs back whenever he feels like it. Oh well, maybe he suddenly realized that she’s going to be a big loss to him for whether he admits it or not, she’s the only person who can enlighten him in the most wonderful way.

“Aigoo…Jiyong hyung is not here” Seungri said when we’re about to start recording already.

Youngbae turned to me “Hyung…do you know where he is?” he asked.

I sighed “He’s in Daejeon”

The boys gasped in surprise “Really Hyung?” Daesung asked receiving a nod from me.

“What is he doing there?” Youngbae followed.

“He’s going to talk to Rae” I answered.

“OH!” Seungri snapped “I heard about what Rae did in the club days ago…is it true? She’s in-love with Jiyong Hyung?”

I rolled my eyes then smacked his head lightly “Yah! You’re really into gossips…huh?”

It made Youngbae and Daesung laugh.

“But seriously Hyung…that incident is known by quite a lot around here now” Youngbae said and all I can do is sigh.

This is actually expected for we don’t hide anything here. Not to mention, there are a lot who witnessed it.

“So is it true?” Daesung asked, still pushing me to talk.

“Well…” I positioned myself comfortably on the swivel chair then sighed “Yeah…she confessed”

It made them gasped in surprise again.

“Omo! I didn’t know that it’s really possible to fall in love with your best friend” Daesung said, hitting a part of my heart with a knife.

If only these boys know that Jiyong, Rae and I are now in a love triangle, I’m sure they’ll go nuts.

“I pity Rae” Seungri said.

I looked at him “Why is that?”

“Because she’s loving someone who doesn’t love her back…what’s worst is…he’s got a girlfriend…does she even know about Siti?” he asked.

I shook my head “All she knows is that he’s got his eyes on the girl…and knows nothing about them being a couple…Jiyong and I agreed to not tell it to her…at least for now”

Youngbae looked at me in disbelief “What? Hyung! That’s not right! Isn’t it much better for her to know about it than you keeping it to her?”

“We came into that agreement because Rae is hurting so much and once she learns that Jiyong is already taken…her pain will double and we don’t want that to happen” I answered.

Our agreement is seriously stupid. I know. But we rather hide it from her for a short while than make her hurt more.

This might sound off, but I really want to beat the out of Jiyong the moment he told me that he and Siti are in a relationship already and strangled him in my mind when he said that he’s not in his right mind when he accepted her.

Who the hell goes into a relationship without thinking twice?

Our recording ended with me almost draining my mind with thoughts of Rae and what’s happening between her and Jiyong now.

I must admit, I’m a little worried because she might do or say something stupid that will make her blame herself for stupidity.

That girl, once she loses herself and mind, she will screw things up all the way.

Two mornings passed without any updates from Jiyong or Rae. I wasn’t able to sleep well last night AGAIN for I still can stop thinking about them. If only I can go there as well, I already did but I have to work.

“What’s going on with you?” Manager Hyung asked after screwing up a sequence in the movie.

This is serious. I have to get out of my mind and focus on the filming for I keep on messing and forgetting my lines that I had to repeat a sequence for five freaking times.

I sighed then looked at him apologetically “I’m sorry Hyung…I’m just not in the right element”

He shook his head “I know that you’re tired and needs a break…but…this is not the time for you to mess up…you’re on the last days of filming…just ho