Love is not who you can see yourself with, it is who you can’t see yourself without.

We’re surrounded by a lot of people all throughout our journey in life. Some stay with us forever, some go, and some just passes by, but there’ll always be someone who we can’t picture life without.

It is already given that we’ll really not make it to this cruel world without our family and friends who are always there to catch us in every fall and guide us to the right path but when it comes to the heart, we’ll have somebody who can make it beat a million times per minute, the only one who feels so right even if sometimes we know it’s wrong.

Falling in love is easy, it’s simple, but making it true and working it out to be strong that no big problems or extreme challenges can break is really hard. We go through a lot before we find someone who will run with us in the wild, fight all the wild animals and survive.

There are times wherein we thought we already found “The ONE”, we give and risk everything then all of a sudden things turn upside down, living you alone and in the dark. There are also times wherein they go and you think you’ve moved on just to realize that you really haven’t, that the future you pictured in your mind is not what you want for he/she is not in it.

You see, love can sometimes be tricky, it can make us believe that we’re already done with this person, but it’s not how it is for when it’s real and true, no matter what you do, you’ll always come back to him/her coz in his/her arms can you feel the love that is so perfect.

I must admit, having Jiyong around is still a little weird and surreal for not even once in five whole years have I thought that we’re going to see each other again.

To be honest, at first I’m not that good with all of this coz I’m afraid that my life will once again be in a mess with him in it but from how things are going, it seems like the past is not going to happen again for we’re more mature, sensitive and open already.

“How interesting life is…huh?” Karla, who is about to leave for her honeymoon asked.

I throw my head back on the pillow then sighed heavily “I’m going bananas” then sat up again “I swear K….who even expected that he’s going to be the one finding me?”

She smirked “Oh please…don’t tell me you’re still hoping and expecting for Seunghyun to find you…c’mon Rae…we both know so well how much you’ve hurt that man….he’s not going to look for you no matter how long you go M.I.A”

Not that I’m sad to see Jiyong instead of Seunghyun, but this isn’t really what I expected for even if I know that it’s a little impossible, I still believe that Seunghyun’s heart will heal and he’ll forgive me for everything that I’ve done to him in the past.

“What do you think will happen to me now?” I asked while looking at blank space.

Karla sighed then shrugged “I don’t know…maybe you’re still going to live like this or your whole new world is going to turn upside down…either way….just go with it…after all…you’ve been living the most boring life for years now and I think it’s just the right time for you to be in a mess again”

This is really helpful.

I hissed “I’d rather live a boring life than be in a mess again”

“Look…I don’t mean it to be BAD mess” she said.

“No” I said while shaking my head “I won’t let myself be in a mess again whether bad or good coz I’m so done handling situations that are so hard to grasp and solve problems without solutions…I think…we can be friends but not like the way we were before…a little distance will keep me sane”

Jiyong has been here for 4 days now and there are no days that we’re not together. It’s all cool with me since I know that once he goes back to Seoul again, the chances of us even talking will surely be slim for he’s gonna be so dead busy with work, that’s why to not miss his presence once he leaves, I decided to keep some distance even though it’s pretty hard.

Not just that, if we’re going to be as close as we were before, things might get intense once again which is really not what I want to happen for I’m good being friends with him but not more than that.

“Aren’t you going to see each other today?” Karla asked while checking my pantry for some snacks.

I grabbed the remote control, sat on the carpeted floor and flipped channels “Nope…we’re not…he’s leaving for Korea in a few hours and I told him that it’s much better for us not to see each other since we’re not really good with goodbyes”

She chuckled “What will you do if he spit your whereabouts to your family?”

Last night after my performance at the lounge bar, Jiyong and I had another serious talk where my family and love is once again a hot topic.

“You know what…I think you should at least let your parents or even just Halmeoni know where you are coz they are seriously worried about you” he said.

I sighed then drink my beer “I want to…but I know my parents…they will surely go here once they know and bring me back home no matter what it takes”

He sighed “So you’re going to live another five years without them in your life”

“Not five years…maybe one more year or two….I’m not that ready to see them and explain myself yet…I’ll get there too…don’t worry” I told him and he just dropped the talk for he knows that he will not win over me.

“How about TOP Hyung….can I tell him where you are?” he asked after a while, making my heart beat faster than usual.

When he asked me this, I almost said “YES PLEASE!” in a snap but I realized that even if I give him the permission to tell Seunghyun about my whereabouts, the man will not care at all.

“I’m good with whatever” I answered, making him look at me intently.

“Why do I have a feeling that you wanted me to tell him but you’re just holding back?” he asked and I just rolled my eyes.

“I don’t care Jiyong…I swear…I’m good with whatever…you can or can’t tell him…it’s all cool”

He took a deep breath then exhaled heavily “Be honest with me” he said, making me look at him “You want to see him…right?”

Here we go again.

I reached for his hand, squeezed it lightly then sighed “Why do you keep on asking me that?”

He held my hand then looked straight into my eyes “I know deep inside your heart you want to see him but you’re just covering it up by saying the opposite”

“Why ask me when you know t