Love is the most beautiful thing to have and most hurtful to lose.

The moment our heart beat for someone, we are entering a world where everything is extreme. All of a sudden, things that we don’t usually appreciate are already appreciated, the polluted air becomes fresh and we see the sky blue even if it really is gray at times.

Once we open ourselves to love and let ourselves drown in it completely, all things are beautiful, we’ll feel like no one and nothing can burst our bubble. It’s a ride or die thing, the “you and me against the world” catch phrase becomes a motto, making you feel so strong and confident of the love and relationship you have.

But, how will it be like once the relationship starts cracking and the love starts fading?

This is where the ugly happens. In a swish, the world that looks and feels like paradise turns into a desert, so dry and lifeless. The birds that used to sing you lullabies transforms into vultures, hunting you like you’re the most delicious prey in the planet.

This is where you’ll start to realize, you loved so much to the point that you brushed almost all of the bad things that can happen and that love and relationships are always made out of rainbows and butterflies when truth is, it can be worst thing that happen to you.

My mind has been working for I don’t know how long already and up until now, I still don’t know what to do. I keep on telling myself to just hold on and not give up on the love that I’ve wished and prayed so hard to come.

Feeling my phone vibrating under my pillow, I opened my swollen eyes that are shedding tears for hours already and lazily picked up the call. Whoever this is, I apologize to him/her this early because I’m sure that our conversation will be senseless for I’m totally out of my element as of the moment.

“Rae Song here…who is this?” I asked with my nasally voice.

The other end is so silent. I cannot even hear a thing.

Curious as to who I’m talking to, I looked at my phone and gasp upon learning that the person on the other end is Jiyong.

All of a sudden I feel cold, my body froze and my mind stopped functioning.

What will I do? What will I say to him? What will happen? These questions hit me all at once.

I cleared my throat, wanting to speak but cannot find my voice. I feel like all that will come out from me is air and nothing more.

“Jiyong” I said almost in a whisper.

“Rae…I’m so sorry” he finally speak out, making my heart skip a beat.

“I know that I once again acted like an a while ago…walking out on you and carelessly saying things that I should’ve thought of twice  before blurting out…I and I know that so well…” he said, making me smirk.

“I’m gonna be honest to you…the reason why I acted like that is because…you keep on talking about TOP Hyung…in every story…he’s there…I cannot even count how many times you mentioned his name….I admit…I got jealous…AGAIN”

This is insane.

“Look Jiyong…I can feel your sincerity and I forgive you…but…I just can’t get it…why do you have to get angry? You asked me about the things that happened and what I did in Thailand…I told you the stories without leaving any detail out and not expecting you to get jealous at all…”

“How can I not include Seunghyun in every story and not mention his name when he’s with me all throughout that trip? I get it…even though you’re fine with us being best friends there’s still a streak of competition and rivalry between the two of you but you shouldn’t snap easily or get jealous easily just because he’s always in my stories…”

“Why? Because he’s the one with me ALL THE TIME…if you only know how much I talk about you in front of him…sadly…unlike the way I talk about him to you…I don’t have good stories of us…all he hears from me are wishes and hopes of this and that…”

“I wish he’s here with me…I wish he has even a few minutes for me…I hope he’s eating well…I hope he’s resting well…I miss him…when are we going to talk like a real couple and spend a whole day in each other’s arms?...when is he going to be mine without his work or any disturbing us? These are what he hears from me coz as much as I want to brag about our relationship…I can’t because we haven’t shared anything yet…we haven’t done so much yet…the longest time that I had with you was the day you surprised me in the private island that was cut short because of your work…”

“I support you in everything…and I’m sure you know that so well…but there are also times wherein I want you to at least give me or spare a few minutes of your hectic schedule for me…actually…it’s fine if we don’t see each other every day…a simple message will do …or at least pick up my calls...I’m not asking for anything heavy…just those simple things….just for us to connect coz if I’m always the one who’s gonna reach out….this relationship won’t work…it will fall without us knowing that once we realized that things are screwed and messed…it’s too late to fix already”

At this point I’m feeling lighter than I was a while ago but my heart is bleeding for I don’t want to burden him with our relationship problems anymore coz I know that he’s got a lot in his hands as of the moment, but we can’t set this aside and just wait for the day when it’s going to be tackled and solved. We have to get things straight as early as now for us to be able to figure out if this relationship will last and can survive.

Minutes passed and none of us are talking. I am crying with my face buried on a pillow for him not to hear. I don’t know what he’s doing but he’s probably thinking of what to say.

*alarm ringing*

“Oh!” I jerked up in surprise.

What just happened? As far as I can remember, Jiyong and I are talking over the phone without the sun shining brightly and now it already is. Did I fell asleep while we’re talking?

It seems like I did. Gosh! I cannot even remember the last thing we talked about. All I know is that we still haven’t talked things well, that he just apologized to me and I’ve forgiv