Love without trying to control it.

I guess in love, there are really no limits. Once we felt it, it never fades rather it goes stronger as time passes by. I know this so well because I’m experiencing it with Rae.

Before, I actually thought that I’ll get over my feelings for her after not being noticed, but I’m wrong for I’m still holding on to her and to the hope that one day, she’ll notice me too.

I must admit, what I’m doing, my giving her everything she wants and needs, and always being there is not right for I’m not sparing some for myself anymore. My world is revolving around her, while there are more important things to focus on, is definitely overboard already. But then again, what can I do? I’m in-love.

Today I got to spend some time with Rae once again. I surprised her by going to her Halmeoni’s birthday celebration and I can tell that she’s grateful I’m here.

“Halmeoni” Rae called her grandmother who is smiling beautifully while holding her granddaughter’s hand.

The old woman can’t see, but she’ll give you the feeling that she can.

“What is it my Rae?” she asked her sweetly.

It made Rae smile “I’ll just help Omma clean inside….Seunghyun is going to accompany you for a while” she told her.

“Alright” the old woman replied then reached out for me.

I held her hand. Her warmth is really comforting like my mother’s.

“Watch over her for me ….is that fine with you?” Rae asked.

I don’t know, but there’s something about her that feels weird. A while ago, she’s bubbly and keeps on playing around. Now, she’s so quiet and distant. I wonder what going on.

I gave a nod “Of course! I’m going to watch Halmeoni well” I assured her, earning a smile from both of them.

When she left, I was able to feel the calmness and peacefulness of the place. This is what I love being away from the city, its serene environment.

“Seunghyun-ah” Halmeoni called in the midst of silence.

I jerked up in surprise “Yes Halmeoni? Do you need something?”

She shook her head then faced my direction “What do you think of Rae?”

It seems like she’s being random. Her question made me nervous.

I took a deep breath then exhaled heavily while I torture my brain to give me a good answer.

“Rae is….” I stopped midway then cleared my throat “She’s….”

“The love of your life” Halmeoni butted in, stunning me.

Is this really happening? Did she really say that? How did she know?

“Oh!” I gasped in shock.

She held my hand and gave it a light squeeze “You seem shocked”

Who wouldn’t? Nobody knows, aside for my family about my feelings for Rae. Not even my closest friends who we hang-out with all the time.

This got me thinking, am I too obvious already?

“Seunhyun” she called softly “Love is really strong….when a person is in-love…it cannot only be seen through their eyes and actions….it can be felt as well…even by people like me….there are exceptions though…sadly….most likely than not…they are the people who you’re in-love with”

I think she’s right. Based from experience and from others, usually, the numbest people are the one’s you’re in-love with. There are times when they are just pretending they don’t know and can’t feel, but most of them just don’t have a bit of a clue even if you’re all-out in showing it already.

“You know…you should always tell someone how you feel about them because it will make you feel so much better when they know” she continued and it hit me in the heart really hard.

I’m near to telling her what I really feel towards her granddaughter. Actually, I can just tell her all about it for I know that she will keep my secret safe and I trust her.

“It’s hard Halmeoni” I started then gave out a heavy sigh “There are times wherein I’m already decided to tell my real feelings for her…but when I’m in front of her already….my tongue gets tied and my mind goes blank….making it really impossible for me to say it”

She chuckled “You may be a man already…but there’s still a boy in you”

“I don’t get it” I said.

She took a deep breath “Boys don’t have the guts to voice themselves out even if they are already decided on what to do…simply because they are afraid of its outcome…they are braver than men but it vanishes in thin air once they’re already in the moment”

“Men on the other hand are always undecided….they change their minds most of the time but when the chance is already there….they grab it even without preparations and it’s all because…they don’t want to waste time…they hold back a little…but takes a huge leap forward”

This is totally wonderful. The way she compared boys and men is amazing. I can really tell how long her journey has been just by what she’s saying. I’ve had meaningful talks with people, but