“Destination in Mind”

By: Thesydney

Reviewer: St-renaissance

1-Title: The title is interesting, unique, and inviting. It promises a journey, in the case of psychological and emotional development/transformation, said journey would require enough environmental pull to evoke the proper response. So, don’t disappoint your readers by neglecting any possible environmental or social stimulants that could help you develop your character beautifully.

Rating: 10/10.

2-Description: The description, though long, is interesting and beautifully written. As an avid reader of literature throughout the different periods of England/America/Ireland, I could’ve immediately guessed where the synopsis is heading. The plot description is awfully cliché and relentlessly exhausted; the poor stable boy falling in love with the King’s daughter. It predates biblical literature, honestly.

Overpassing the originality of the plot, there are a couple of grammatical errors here and there; the word ‘forging’ is incorrect in this context. ‘Forging’ is used to describe the process of wielding metal or (in other sense) committing fraud on official documents. The word you’re looking for is Foraging, which means the process of gathering and facilitating supplies and materials.

The second part of the description, where you talk about murder and Baekhyun can be confusing; he’s not a main character, his name was never mentioned before. Why would you include a stranger in the synopsis? We were dealt two protagonists, why force in a third character out of nowhere?

Rating: 8/10.

3-Plot: Initially, we’re met with a short prologue that tackles one of the main character’s past and personal struggles. One of the main factors that go into building an excellent prologue is making sure that it’s interesting; including suspenseful elements in your prologue is always handy. When your readers are first introduced to your story, your prologue will either bring in more readers or repel them quite immediately, so make sure that you keep it short and exciting!

The prologue is brief and ends in a suspenseful way, but it’s quite boring and packed with void information, your prologue cannot become a strongbox for uninteresting details. Here’s the thing, the purpose of the prologue is to provide information regarding the protagonist’s past and to set in a general theme for your story. However, you’ve kept it narrow and linear; it can serve both the story and narrative rather than to solely nourish the main character’s motive/goal. For example, you could use the prologue to establish the setting (time, place) or to exhibit—in conclusion—the stark contrast between the MC’s past and current situation. Make your readers ask questions and look for answers by leaving slight hints and teasing their imagination. You will eventually repel your readers if you insist on providing even the smallest of details regarding every aspect of this character’s life, be patient, and be less descriptive, it’ll serve you well as you progress further into the plot.

The beginning is stable, it’s definitely slower in progression and doesn’t hesitate to include every possible detail and piece of information. This, however, can become tedious to go through right after the prologue. During the introductory part of your story, your readers will look into the main character’s past (if included) as well as their motive and overall purpose. If you neglect to treat your character as the protagonist she is, the readers might as well omit this character and move on to the character that’s next in line; in this case, it’s Dae.

I always recommend making a little illustration of where you’d like to begin and finish with the linear development. For example, busy yourself with the beginning for starters—environmental elements could do wonders, don’t hold back whatsoever—and start painting a picture of where you’d like your characters to live.

During the beginning, it’d help you out a lot if you were to set the scene more properly, for example, mentioning any sort of aspects to which you can use to give your character a little life; your characters rarely interact with outside elements and barely address any societal/political/cultural/historical points. It’s actually more important than you think—to tie in your character to something bigger, to have them in a cycle of unceasing connection with the world. I believe you can easily including more environmental themes because you do write so beautifully when it comes to descriptive narration. If I may suggest, there’s an excellent point to which you can illustrate further and more vibrantly; the class difference between Jieun and Dae is a prevalent theme and I think it’d give either character a more profound dimension.

Let’s discuss the quality of the narration in your story, you were insistent on that, rightly so. Your style and consistency of narration mainly face two issues:

1-Dullness of plot: It goes through a lot of tediously detailed description; on many occasions, you’ve repeatedly described the same subject, event, or scene twice. Just because you use two different POVs, it doesn’t mean that the plot will become more interesting. It’s really not, I suggest that you get to work on that. The plot is very boring and it doesn’t help that the blandness expands up until the fifth chapter. The way you use the narration is quite direct and, though that can be useful at times, it can get boring very easily. It’s not a matter of skill; I don’t believe that it is, you’re quite eloquent and creative when it comes to describing the environment and inner thoughts. But, the narrative barely changes despite switching POVs between the two characters. Think of it this way, despite using the third-person point of view, the narrative will eventually change up depending on how each character perceives the world, as well as how they conjure up different emotions and thoughts. I suggest that you try to switch it up whenever the POV switches, perhaps it can help your story become more exciting. Try to treat situations with less frankness and directness, give your readers something to worry about, to wonder, to imagine, and to even draw their own conclusions. Managing suspenseful