“One Promise After Another”

By: Natalia0590

Reviewer: Gtoprenaissance.

1-Title: “One Promise After Another” promises the readers a drama-filled story, perhaps one with a roller coast of emotions and surprising turn of events. I am personally a fan of longer titles and yours is an excellent example to why I take a special liking for such titles, though it defies the generic norms of short titles and point-centered literary works, it carries with it a sense of theatrical enigma that suggests a prolonged events filled with diverse characters and colourful plot-twists.

Rating: [10/10].

2-Description/Foreword: The length is appropriate and the content is efficient but frankly, there are a few grammatical mistakes and the description, in general, is neither interesting nor intriguing. Try to rephrase it into something more dramatic to match the theatrical vibe which the title carries. The foreword portion should be taken advantage of properly; you can post useful images of the characters’ in the story which can help the readers picture the people in the novel more perfectly.

Rating: [6/10].

3-Plot: Right, so the story begins with a serene introduction, that’s appropriate and suitable since it takes time for dramatic stories to finally take off. I like that you’ve given an intriguing glimpse into the father’s background, such neglected aspects usually draw the audience into analyzing the vague underlining of each event which might dictate or contribute to a new discovery.

The buildup for each event could use a little improvement, you tend to guide your readers astray for the purpose of illustrating a physical image of situations; it means that instead of focusing on the root embedded within the plot, the focus is set on the trivial details that don’t really matter or contribute to the health of the plot. When working on a buildup, picture how the current details can assist the final outcome of the resolution, if you can’t connect the detail to the resolution then the event is invalid and you should edit it out. The story does move slowly like you’ve addressed before, but that’s not necessarily bad. The beginning of the story is a prime example of how you should reframe your story to be; it discussed the important factors which every reader needs to understand and moved into the character introduction. Try to model the rest of your work based on the intro to the story.

Your story moves slowly because it consists of many pointless conversations that frankly, don’t even matter and sometimes came off as boring and repetitive. I’ve said this before to another requester, you don’t need to vocalise every thought that comes across the character’s mind. For example, instead of writing “What?” into the dialogue, you could express the charact