“You Against Pearl, Gold, Money, and Kimchi”

By: Warmustard.

Reviewer: St-renaissance.

1-Title: The title is definitely original, sufficient and suspenseful; usually long titles are either for the purpose of literary significant or substantial yet eventual profundity. Several elements are mentioned (Pearl, gold, money and kimchi) so the reader will assume that each different element has a specific representation which will be elucidated throughout the story, they must have meanings. Don’t disappoint.

Rating: 10/10.

2-Description: The description is overly detailed and can be briefed in order to deliver a more compact structure and an accumulated purpose without boring the readers and exhausting the given space and information. The beginning is well-developed and carries along some useful information however, you can easily shorten the description by removing the second paragraph entirely except for the first two lines, any remaining information in the second paragraph is not important and it’s quite boring. You can connect the first paragraph to the two lines in the second paragraph and the third paragraph. By doing so, your description isn’t as lengthy and boring.

Rating: 7/10.

3-Plot: The beginning is very rushed and lacks fundamental details such as environmental description, background information and is simply flimsy and lacks planning. Initially, the story must introduce the scenery and the settings before introducing any characters, you can avoid any proper description but your story will appear incomplete and rushed. Try taking things slowly by acquainting the readers with the location and time or era of the story and how does it affect the social aspect of the plot. Is it a cold location? Is it midnight? How does that reflect the people in the story, are they indoors? Are they sociable? Then you can smoothly glide in with the character’s opinion of this aspect thus you have introduced your character without bumps. Ok, you need to do something regarding the beginning; it’s extremely tedious and has no purposeful events or important landmarks. Regarding the speech clearness, don’t use foreign terms too commonly and avoid relying on translation for one character’s dialogue, it’s a huge mistake to have one character speak in a different tongue than your audience and force them to locate a reference mainly to understand the speech of a MAIN CHARACTER. It’s a story, not an encyclopedia.

Can I make a suggestion? Avoid explicit description of the characters love-making and whatnot. You see, in literature there are only two purposes for different degrees of a, you either employ it to stimulate the audience (as done in a) or to illustrate the level of romantic involvement between the couple. Too much of either will produce your work as cliché and aimless. You have got to do something about this slow intro, it cannot possibly take you two whole chapters to talk about how much they adore each other and for how long they can hold each other’s hands. You’ve got to start discussing the main issue at hand and the readers need to be familiarized with the characters’ opinions and thoughts on any main events in spite of not having any landmark moments for two whole chapters.

The third chapter starts off perfectly, the description of varied details regarding the wood material and quality is literary brilliance; it’s those small details of a house or an environment that help construct the settings and location. You should investigate all settings with the same amount of passion and vigilance, it helps create a story behind each place and the story accumulates the significant value of the environmental aspect of the story. The general flow of the story is better and ad developed a suitable speed that’s considerate for the readers’ entertainment. Now that we’re back to the two lovers, the dialogues are basic and lacks any importance and the given situations (if any are found) makes them appear simple-minded and shallow because their psychological and behavioral patterns don’t exist. If you’ve read the rules and whatnot of my shop you’d understand that I’m very frank in order to improve your writing, and here’s what I’ve