“Autumn’s Heartbeat”

By: Kawaii9Lulu.

Reviewer: Gtoprenaissance.

1-Title: “Autumn’s Heartbeat” sounds like an appropriate title. In literature, titles containing literary devices such as personification, metaphor or simile are usually expected to be deciphered within the description portion; otherwise, it’ll be confusing and won’t carry with it much meaning to begin with.

Rating: [8/10].

2-Description: Right, the description is supposed to consolidate an explanation for the title and the general plot-line. Your description dwells too heavily on the title and not enough on the plot. It doesn’t make much sense to be honest, other than the fact that a boy is sad and another person (supposedly a woman) gets to know him and they fall in love, there’s not much to it. That’s not original or interesting, try to capture the plotline in a more creative and intriguing way; using the main character’s POV as a narrative for the description is commonly used amongst authors here on the platform.

Rating: [6/10].

3-Plot: The beginning is adequate, the scenery description is there and useful. You've used the first-person narrative to draw the audience closer to the character's personalised experience, emotions, and thoughts. I don't recommend adding too many details regarding the environment; yes, details are important but overly detailed illustrations could be boring as they're hollow and don't necessarily nurture the profundity of the plot-line. The general layout is neat and well-formed; the writing in itself is eloquent enough despite having a few grammatical issues during the first two chapters.

The scene where he's checking his timetable is hollow and carries with it no significant value and merely crowds the story, resulting in a rather boring beginning. The prominent use of details in literature is to elegantly support the character's claims or to build up a certain atmosphere without resorting to the verbalisation of the main character’s thoughts on everything. In your story, there are way too many details that are of no value to the story, this is stalling and it may drive away possibly interested readers. Allow your audience to use their imagination by supplying their avid curiosity with details that present the head of the iceberg while your readers imagine the rest. It may be your story but it's the audience's decision whether to accept it as an entertaining journey or as an obnoxiously slow ride.

This isn’t a major issue, but it’s my job to point out as many problems and offer as many solutions. The unconscious use of Refrain within your writing decreases the value of your plot. Refrain is when you use a certain word more than twice in a single paragraph, in the third chapter, you’ve used the adjective “petite” twice to describe the same character in  one sitting. That’s a flaw which you must correct during the editing stage. You also must go through your story once again and strengthen any weakened spots such as flimsy conversational keys (Conversational Key is a certain style of speech or in some cases, words that signify the speaker). In your story, both of the main characters have an identical speech style which eludes the reader into thinking that there aren’t two ends to this conversation, there’s merely one. For example, in Harry Potter, the character of Hagrid (I think that’s his name, not entirely sure) has a certain speech style which distinguishes him from any other character in the series. The character of Mr. Bennet in Pride and Prejudice, began most of his sentences with the phrase ‘My dear’, distinguishing him from other characters.

Here’s the thing, an