"Harmful Temptation"

By: Charlislekim.

1-Title: “Harmful Temptation” appears to be a fitting title, a bit on the generic side, only because many other authors tend to focus on lust and ual ardour as the story progress. However, considering you’ve paired the adjective “harmful” with the noun “temptation”, it promises the readers an uplifting glimpse beyond the clichés of platonic romance. It enacts as a propitious component which will feed the avid readers’ thirst for drama, whether it’s in the form of ending or a memorable event. All in all, I wouldn’t change a thing about the title, but perhaps add a sub-title to illustrate further important information. However, that’s merely a suggestion.

Rating: [5/5].

2-Description/Foreword: Considering the length of the story, the description could’ve been prolonged and used to your advantage. You could use a quote by one of your main characters, any piece which could be interpreted as an invitation to suspense. Though the phrase you’ve left in the description is enough to attract readers whom you’ve grown familiar with their style of writing, it might be translated as painfully vague for newer readers or authors with a distinctive form of writing. I suggest adding more information (such as settings or backgrounds) instead of a brief conversation which can throw off readers, especially since the introduction you’ve left in the description isn’t entirely related to the keys of inaugurating a story. Nevertheless, the foreword portion of your story was used wisely.

Rating: [9/10].

3-Plot: Since the story is long, I’ll divide up the analysis by chapters.

-Chapter one: As much as I like how the chapter starts, it was a bit difficult to keep up with the minor characters as they kept being introduced one by one in a short chapter. As for the main character, Seulgi, her personality appears to be realistic, robust and sarcastic, which means that this type of persona feeds off the ceaseless chain of events. However, in some areas, there were times when the plot felt rushed and unsteady. I understand that as authors we must lay the groundwork in the first or second chapter just to let the readers know what is happening, but the first chapter contained hints of unfinished episodes. Usually, it is recommended that a first chapter become the den for memories and scenery description. Besides, regarding the interference of chronological sequences, there are many ways to make it sound literature-appropriate. For example: Instead of saying “Three hours earlier”, you could say “Seulgi began to recall the events which had occurred three-hours ago” considering your unswerving and purposeful use of the Third-Person narrative.

-Chapter two/three: Much like the first chapter, it didn’t make sense to me how the characters grew fond of each other within only two chapters. The minor characters are introduced in haste and the main character’s opinion of them is constantly vague and limited. I did notice more than one occasion of gratuitous events that led nowhere and added nothing of significant importance to the plot. When writing a chapter, make sure to think “How will my main character benefit from this scene?” This way the characters won’t suffer from appearing hollow and soulless. Also, in multiple occasions, it seemed like every character is doing the most just to push Seulgi and Jimin to be together, while the characters haven’t been presented with a sufficient background/motivational pattern. Which counts as a plot hole, so be careful with that. If you want to fix that, you could exhibit the main characters’ feelings towards one another on their own, ie: without the help of every character in the story.

When attempting to create a romantic scenario using the two main characters, you MUST take it upon yourself –as an author- to carefully and vividly illustrate every thought, feeling and sensation. You are using the only two main characters to form a romantic bond as early as the second chapter without the adequate preparations. If the two main characters love each other or in some type of romantic act, then the couple should be given enough space and time to gradually pave the way for something as monumental as a kiss or beyond.

-Chapters 4-7: I like where you started with the of the plot, you can definitely sense the tension as it starts to build up. Don’t be afraid to go all the way, readers expect the unexpected to occur during the end of the first half and the beginning of the second half. Become playful w