“Blood Root”

By: AoifeCross

Reviewer: St-renaissance.

1-Title: “Blood Root” sounds very interesting, it’s a mixture of drama and romance and I can sense The supernatural or extraterrestrial elements to it. The designated space between “Blood” and “Root” signifies that you don’t actually refer to the herbal plant “Sanguinaire”. The word “Root” suggests that the story may include background information or relies on past events. The word “Blood” suggests conflict or perhaps a position of hierarchy or monarchy marked a long ago. I think it’s original and intriguing, I’d love to understand the meaning behind it. 

Rating: 10/10.

2-Description: The length is suitable for the number of chapters, the content is really informative and paints a solid foundation for readers. It’s set in a fictional society with an arbitrary timeline so it will serve sufficiently if you were to provide as many details and description of the chosen settings (time, place). This is only a suggestion, but it would be more suspenseful if you were to write the description from the main character’s point of view considering his motive in this story is finding a cure that will literally save his life; having everything on the line is already a bold start, but indulging the character in your description can be an awesome way of imprinting a mark on hesitant readers. The language used in the description is just fine, a bit on the meeker side, might use some improvement by including more suspenseful words and not having to rely on stacking sentences for the sake of mentioning unnecessary details. 

Rating: 8/10. 

3-Plot: The beginning is very interesting, practical in language and stable in pace. You’ve used the third-person point of view to narrate your story, which means it’s as unbiased and general as possible. This POV is suitable for dynamic character and unlimited-range environment; meaning that a character’s feelings and thoughts are just as significant as the surrounding factors. There are multiple narratives used: Descriptive narrative is shown in the sense that the minor characters are of tight-knit relations due to the size and location of the village. The environmental narrative is also present as you imply the sensed effect of the approaching storm, Personal narrative is illustrated during the beginning as Jimin is made to observe changes or transformation which results in a shift of emotions and character. You’ve got a lovely start here, but what happened in the second chapter? Characters should never be thrown into a ual relationship/situation without a previous indication of such attraction. Situations like this will not evoke emotions among your readers if the characters aren’t properly introduced. It doesn’t have to be in a linear structure, but the audience must be in the know of how the two characters are intertwined and in what way, otherwise, these types of scenes shouldn’t be detailed or illustrated in order to avoid taking up space and confusing your readers. 

My job is to be honest here, as honest as possible when it comes to improving your work. So, I think it’s best if I say this straight up: Your story has an interesting premise and your excellent use of diction makes the description and illustrations quite vivid and gripping. However, your fixed attention on the direct ualisation of absolutely every situation doesn’t translate well for your characters, especially when one of them is in dire need of medical assistance or have experienced cruelty or illness. The normal response for a humanised character wouldn’t be to objectify another character immediately, certainly not victims. So, unless antagonising Jungkook is the underlying purpose of this scene, this sub-plot produces his character as manic and irrational. We’ll discuss this further in the Character Development. 

Please stop with the unnecessary ual scenes, they don’t drive the story anywhere and it simply cheapens the quality of your writing. The description doesn’t mention this Kai character, he wasn’t in the first/introductory chapter, so why are you so hung up on employing him as a supportive character? Please, focus on one character at a time, if you wish to employ several POVs, you must become prepared to analyse which character deserves to be round/dynamic and which character will remain flat/stoic. If you wish to employ a romantic sub-plot or simply romantic elements, make sure the readers have been introduced to the characters properly and strategically. Who’s Kai? Not once have you mentioned his relation to Jimin or have even introduced him to your readers and established his role in the story. Let me give you a hint, readers WILL NOT care about either character in a relationship if one of them is neglected to be explored. Take your time, go back to the second chapter