"Blue 2.0"

By: Deer-and-bread

Reviewer: Gtoprenaissance.

1-Title: 1-Title: "Blue 2.0", is a somewhat suitable title for your story, considering that your story is that of a Sci-fi theme. In my opinion, short titles like that tend to get forgotten quite quickly, I think it would be even more gripping and enthralling if you were to add a sub-title. Perhaps something that'll reward the readers with a faint glimpse into the main issue of the story. If the character is struggling with illness, then that can be transcribed into the title in a much more literature-appropriate way. However, that is merely a suggestion, because the title isn't perfect but also isn't bad. It'll do.

Rating: [9/10].

2-Description/Foreword: The description portion of your story should be taken advantage of properly; you've vaguely translated the main character's opinion of its society in a non-direct way. I think that is brilliant, to say the least.

I would suggest prolonging this portion to cover more segments of the story, considering its great length. Perhaps, something like a simple hint regarding the character's future. The Foreword portion is ok, the poster is lovely.

Rating: [9/10].

3-Plot: The beginning is very intriguing, too interesting. It's brilliant! I think it's very well-composed; it puts questions into the readers' minds which inspires them into looking up the next chapter immediately. Since the story is in the form of a memoir, it'll enhance the calibre of the story to prolong the chapter a little bit. Since the character is supposedly in an emotional transition state from a machine to human, it'll be fruitful to get into the character's emotions and thoughts quite often. I’ve also noticed how creatively you’ve used the phrases “My Head” and “My Shoulders”, I know it’s not a typo, it’s supposed to be illustrated through 2.0’s point of view of how nouns and adjectives are absorbed and projected. I think those trivial details are shaping your story perfectly; it shows commitment and intelligence because there is nothing worse than an author who underestimates the wit of their audience.

I’m currently at chapter 6 and I see no sign of an opposing force that’ll assist with constructing a perceptible mark on the audience. The existence of an antagonist is a must-have, if your character narrates the story in form of a memoir, then the simplest form of conflict will shift your story into a better direction. So far, the character is merely indecisive and confused which isn’t enough to pass as an adequate conflict. Think of it this way, there needs to be more than a handful of characters (major, minor) to help build a to the story, and then the itself must yield out significantly to the point where the resolution or the end will not be met with d