“The Point Of No Return”

By: treacletart.

Reviewer: St-renaissance.

1-Title: It sounds like an interesting title, definitely. It eludes to a drastic shift of events, perhaps the and foreshadows the significant effect which will evidently afflict the course of the story. However, keep in mind that such titles put you in a position to deliver the promised suspense as a narrator. I think the title in itself presents the general theme of your story without having to rely on the description, as a reader, I’ve understood that the story had an adventurous, bold, and passionate protagonist, perhaps one with a classical painful past who’ll eventually embark upon their journey after a spiritual transformation. Overall, it gives an inspiring first impression.

Rating: [10/10].

2-Description: Right, the description is void, it carries no significance to the actual plot, the same point is delivered in the title and in the Foreword section. Perhaps a deeper investigation into the actual plot will help present the description in a less cliche form and will surely assist with its general development in order to help the plot in being understood. This is a story that has over 12 chapters and a prologue, the description must match the strength of the story by containing both essence and substance.

Rating: [4/10].

3-Plot: You’ve chosen the third person narrative to tell the story and I’m not sure that’s the best method to narrate the story because the narration is rushed and merely glazes over important details and drags its feet when it comes to boring, hollow events. However you can make use of this particular method of narration to draw inspiration from the character’s past and inner chain of thoughts, you can also control two POVs at the same time without having a fragmented structure. The introduction is adequate and moderate in pace, you’ve mentioned important details regarding the protagonist’s life but seldom came to illustrate the character’s persona and how her psychological pattern came to form and to what extent is it applicable to nourish the story’s development. Let’s talk about the scenic illustrations are beautiful and serve the story perfectly, don’t hesitate to include more of those. Ok, so far, the story has nothing but hollow events and cliché. Just so we’re on the same page, a cliché is a repetitive plot-line or a previously moulded persona or method of characterisation. The popular jock defending the lonely nerd is a cliche as old as the sun and as creative as mayo on bread, your characterisation and employment of said characters must be original and interesting in order to rightfully claim the story as yours. The scene where they defend her makes no sense and has no previous proper build-up, we never hear of the boys’ psychological/emotional pattern, being “cool” and “popular” are not character traits or a behavioural product, thus their interference with Hana’s life drew no reaction or emotions from myself, as a reader. When attempting to extract a certain catharsis from readers, whether it’s a dramatic or a satirical reaction, the characters in the story/play must be familiarised with the audience. Your readers cannot exhibit proper emotions towards a character if they’ve not been introduced to them yet.

Let’s talk about the general length of the story, 3k words for each chapter that contain nothing but hollow, minor events is an exhaustive consumption of unnecessary information which doesn’t nourish the development of the story and merely act as fillers. Before writing a scene, you must understand that every event has to have a substantial effect which leads to the , hollow events are fine to work as fillers in the beginning of chapters, but constant fillers make for a tedious and aimless story. Regarding the general pace and direction of the plot, it’s really going nowhere and is focused on trivial events which makes the story appear inconsistent and fragmented. Here’s a tip you must follow when writing in minor/major events in a story: If the event doesn’t affect the plot and , then it’s a minor event that shouldn’t be focused on too much otherwise, the characters and method of illustration will eventually become tiresome and tedious. The scene where she first encounters trouble is adequately illustrated and nicely done, what exhausts this event is that it drags on for nearly two chapters. This will bore the readers. The thing is, there needs to be a generality of ideas or at least a theme or a chain of events where one leads to the other, logic and sense cannot be neglected. The events in your story are separate from each and barely lead to another. There’s a method of construction when it comes to write in a chain of events: Divide up the story into three sections, locate the important events (any event that’s ought to label the story as ‘incomprehensible’ if neglected) as soon as you manage to label the major events, include a build-up and a reaction to every major event. This makes the main characters aware of the situation and their behavioural construction sensible and realistic.

Let’s talk about the writing style of your story; to do so we need to discuss the following aspect: Speech correctness, speech effectiveness, and speech clearness.

Speech correctness is adequate, you’ve used eloquent language and avoided complex and rich literally language. Sometimes it’s best to stay away from exaggeration (metaphors