"Paper Hearts"

By: Special_nay.

Reviewer: St-renaissance.

1-Title: "Paper Hearts" sounds like a suitable title, it definitely entails of a melodramatic atmosphere, perhaps one which involves a tragic downfall of the main character. I've already reviewed a couple of stories with similar titles "Paper Cranes", "Paper House" and whatnot, it's not original or striking but I believe that as long as the story maintains its melancholic ambience, the title will remain consistent and will deliver a guaranteed, substantial result.

Rating: [9/10].

2-Description/Foreword: Thought the description lacks sensible length and could easily supply more information, the content is actually sufficient and serves the point in a straightforward fashion. There's a grammatical error within the second phrase, it says "they never once exchange the.." it uses the past tense here so it should be "they never once exchanged the...". The rest of the description is wisely constructed and leaves the reader in a state of suspense.

Rating: [9/10].

3-Plot: Ok, the prologue serves its attainable purpose by providing the reader with a brief backstory. Usually in prologues, the language in use is very simple and flexible; nothing too exaggerated or vague, clearness and efficiency are pillars of consciousness; they maintain the readers’ interest without giving away too much and are usually encompassing of a certain type of foreshadowing. Let’s talk about the actual story now, the language used in your story is just fine, it’s neither rich nor poetic. It’s neither philosophical nor baroque; it serves its purpose using a simple, colloquial language and reserves its Modernist attributes throughout. Speech correctness could use some work, there are several syntactic issues within the first chapter and are mostly very trivial yet you must attend to them at once. There is also another issue regarding word repetition; certain adjectives such as small, petite, short make a repetitive appearance throughout your story. That’s a common mistake in literature and can be avoided by replacing a desired yet repeated adjective with a descriptive phrase. Here’s what you can do about it, instead of resorting to a familiar adjective, try to accentuate this character’s trait which you’d like to point out by using the narrative to briefly glaze over it in a literature-appropriate fashion. For example, avoid promptly telling your readers’ the height and weight of the main character and you can use phrases such as “As he scarcely managed to reach the destined book, resting carelessly atop a pillared shelf.” By giving in a bit more effort and details, you can knock two birds with one stone as you avoid repetition and supply more information regarding the scenery (the character is inside a house) the character’s psychological traits (avid reader) and the physical appearance (he’s shorter than average).

Speech clearness is sufficient enough, there are no borrowed terms, no foreign diction and no vague interpretations. I don’t think you need to investigate into the clearness of your language any further than you already have. As for speech effectiveness, I do think that the language you use could be enhanced with some poetic upgrades. Here’s my suggestion, your story is very dramatic yet romantic, those two elements are classic, but when you properly infuse them together in the presence of a uniformed platinum (plot) it produced a reliable platform. Everything you add onto the story (language, dialogues/monologues, narrative) is your own personal touch which can either increase or decrease the value of your work. I think to improve the sense of catharsis or effect of the dialogues in your story is to not be afraid to employ a sensible amount of literary devices which can assist in delivering the meaning on a deeper emotional level. The general premise of the plot is neither original nor inventive (sorry!) but I’ve seen this forced-marriage, financial issues and corrupted desires theme more than a handful of times. You’ve got this unique element of a differently capable character and one of them is described as ‘mute’; but this important detail is scarcely impressed as a behavioural trait, but let’s talk more about this in the Character Development.

Wel