“Happiness”

By: WeirdJasmine

Reviewer: St-renaissance.

1-Title: “Happiness” does sound like a common title, probably generic and may encourage the reader to either look away or head for the description for a more of an investigative look. The title introduces a spiritual journey or perhaps an internal transformation of a certain character, usually metaphoric titles such as Happiness, Revenge, Awakening, Pain, Love, promise the reader a chronological—or at least a linear order of events, ranging from spiritual, religious, academic to a where said change is finally applied.

Rating: 8/10.

2-Description: The general length of the description is adequate in comparison to your story, it offers valid information however, poorly presented and blandly worded. I’m sorry for my frankness but I believe that I must help you improve any weakened spot in your work; your description could use some rephrasing. The function of descriptions is to: A. Attract the reader by using a strong yet suspenseful point of interest, B. Function as a back-up employee to clarify an opaque title. Your description spoils the plot by focusing too much on the character’s motive rather than aim or goal; avoid addressing irrelevant details regarding the characters’ past or current predicament without offering the reader a general look into a promised resolution. My suggestion would be to eliminate any excess mentioning of the Antagonist’s abuse; the actual radius of the aunt’s abuse (physical, psychological) shouldn’t be the main focus here because it’s only the description, don’t get too deep into unimportant aspects of a character’s persona. She’s abusive? Fine, show it, narrate it, and don’t rely on blatantly confessing it in the description. There should be an opportunity here to draw the reader in and slowly reveal the character’s vice and affect throughout the story.

Rating: 7/10.

3-Plot: The story revolves around two characters influenced by traumatic pasts; this means that the settings for this story are naturally melancholic, rich, and reflective. Your story includes relevant elements of verisimilitude, transparency, and simplicity which elects your work as that of School of Realism. It has one plot and one omniscient narrator. Simple enough!

First, let’s discuss the environmental illustration in your story, there’s none. Initially, we were introduced to the characters and their story, a significant detail of their lives is that they’re runaways which means that the outside world (especially an urban environment) can conveniently mirror the character’s emotions. We were told that the characters have spent a great deal outside but we never noticed either of them applying acquired knowledge or skill which they could’ve picked up along the way. When you choose a plot-line that centers itself around characters who’ve experienced trauma or abuse, it’s always paramount to narrate or at least illustrate the psychological and emotional affect which this character carries, don’t focus too much on where the character’s going and focus instead on why; why’s this character pessimistic? Why’s this character lonely? Why’s this character sensitive? Eventually, you’ll get to the character’s aim, but only if you build a motive. My advice would be that you try to include more environmental aspects into the storyline because you’re at an advantage here; writing modern characters and using urban or metropolitan settings can be a rather flexible mould which can expand endlessly. May I make a few suggestions? Spend more time writing about the Kyungsoo’s street knowledge, there are many opportunities to develop the character’s cognitive abilities by having him apply skills which can only be learnt from living on the road. Example: hot-wiring a vehicle, learning self-defense, old-school navigation techniques, siphoning gas/gas alternatives, hustling or making money without proper education and etc.

Next, the use of language in your story: Speech correctness, speech clearness, and speech effectiveness are the fundamental criteria for a story’s excellence. Speech correctness is present throughout the story, the use of grammar and syntax is neat and responsible, though there are few grammatical errors during the second and third chapters, it’s mostly nourished and quenched. No need to worry!

Speech clearness, as mentioned above, has been influenced by your employment of Realist ethics. Speech and dialogue alike, are both easily interpreted and relevantly implied. Description of the environment, physical/psychological pattern could use some improvement in some areas. Remember, your story relies on the cathartic reaction of your readers, if you fail to build an emotional relationship between the characters and readers; you’ve failed to deliver a catharsis and thus, failed to accentuate a . Here’s how to properly build a relationship between the reader and character, there are three levels placed in hierarchal order when it comes to characterisation: Psychological, emotional, and behavioural, in that order. Before narrating an action there must be a preceding notion (emotional or psychological) in order to rationalise said action, otherwise, your character’s behaviour might come off as incomprehensible. Behavioural action is the direct response to notions or a series of motives, which means that the character’s actions must have a meaning, it can also be metaphorical. Your character can build a relationship with the reader either through direct action/dialogue or throu