“Serendipity”

By: Myeonnieverse  

Reviewer: St-renaissance

1-Title: To be completely honest here, I’ve personally reviewed at least one story with a similar title and beta-read through a couple with the same title. I understand that it’s a popular keyword amongst fans, but that doesn’t mean that your readers will signify this story as different or special; you must demonstrate the reason as to why your story is not as generic or over-exhausted. On the other hand, the title promises a journey of spiritual transformation and development; the characters are heavily involved in the making of this title so, I suspect that you must focus on the psychological and emotional aspects of your characters throughout a chronological or linear narrative.

Rating: 8/10.

2-Description: the description is shaped well, it’s sensibly structured, but the content itself is questionable. There are some things that you can do to improve the synopsis, including: mentioning as fewer names as possible and focusing on the main character (protagonist/antagonist) and any other significant events (turning point) in your story. So, neglect all unnecessary names and events, and keep your attention fixated on your main character. Who’s Junmyeon? You haven’t mentioned anyone by that name before nor have you introduced this character to us in the synopsis. You see how inconsistencies in character-labelling can be confusing to some readers? If it’s a title or a nickname (actual name) of someone who had already been mentioned then you must refrain from using different names for the same character.

The description is a bit wordy because it retains information that is not important, for example, there is no need to mention the main character’s brother as a part of the introduction/signification plan; it doesn’t tie in well with the general plot and keeps me wondering why you chose to introduce a main character (a female one) using patriarchal methods; if she’s your protagonist, then you must focus solely on her adventures, aims, and personality. If there are other characters that play a huge role in supporting your protagonist, then you have to limit your pool of candidates and eliminate any flat characters.

In your description, you can do a lot better by eliminating the fact that she’s Luhan’s sister, because it’s not important nor does it add any significance to her role as royalty/nobility. You can also remove the piece of information where you change Suho’s name and focus on using one title in order to remain as consistent as possible. During the story, you absolutely can explore her relationship with her brother, Luhan, and you can play around with nicknames and titles. But during the synopsis, you must remain consistent and focused.

Rating: 8/10.

3-Plot: the beginning is definitely on the right track; you’ve focused on the environmental aspect of the setting and provided some interesting and unique description of several natural elements. Doing so will undoubtedly help stabilise the foundation of your plot, in case you lose control of overly expanded limitations of environment and place. There are writers who choose to tackle the environmental aspect of their plot during the narration or in the middle of the storyline, they think it ties the characters together with the written scenes, but it actually delivers the same purpose as someone who chooses to set up a scene prior to the introduction of characters. I think you’re sailing smoothly so far, just make sure to maintain that focus on the environmental side of your story, since your plot and characters are somewhat in-tune with nature.

Your story falls under Historical Realism which means the more that you reference Nature and Psychology, the more intact your story will appear to be. Elements such as relatable issues, social division, and realistic depiction of environment as well as surroundings can help emphasise the potentials already shown in your story. You’ve used two points of view in your story: Suho’s POV and Haeun’s POV, when writing two POVs you must try and reserve each voice for both characters without overlapping or losing control. You can achieve that step by differentiating between each identities and speech pattern. For example, each POV should have its own unique voice that doesn’t resemble the other one, each POV should work towards developing its character’s psychological and emotional abilities. We’ll discuss this point more profoundly in Character Development.

There are few issues that popped up as we read along the plotline, you’ve seem to have lost track of the main character as you’ve never stopped jamming new characters into minor scenes. Baekhyun, Sanha, Kyungsoo, Jian, Minseok, Kun, Juliette, Lin and Yixing are all minor and flat characters which shouldn’t be rushed into introduction as they might lose their purpose once introduced in clumps. Why do we bother with building minor/supporting characters? Because they are an effective method to help readers explore different sides of your protagonist in different situations and events. They’re also great at carrying out sub-plots and es. However, all of the characters mentioned above are poorly constructed and fall flat almost immediately; each character should be able to deliver a different purpose, if more than one character serves the same purpose then you should eliminate one of them. For example, the character of Baekhyun appears to be really close to the main character and knows about his recurrent dream, so that gives this minor character the advantage of being a great source for background information and can illustrate to us how meaningful their relationship can be. You don’t need nine minor characters to reiterate the same opinions and actions; if you must, keep the characters of Sanha, Baekhyun and Yixing. Sanha’s character could be an excellent example of how women in domestic disturbance can be pushed to reach disagreeable decisions, during those olden times. Baekhyun’s character is very close to the pr